


Be My Salvation

by PorcelainRose



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Animals, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Foster Care, M/M, Music, more tags to be added later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-05-25 00:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 75,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcelainRose/pseuds/PorcelainRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orphaned at a young age, Eren's forced into the foster system, and after being shuffled around for several years, things in life finally seem to calm down. But life has never been kind, and the peace doesn't last long. After months of abuse and neglect, he's pushed back into a foster home where he'll meet a dark-haired musician who seemingly wants nothing to do with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

He was covered in bruises. There were so many, one blending right into another, that he could barely tell them apart anymore and he thought he was starting to forget what the true color of his skin was supposed to be. Purple. Blue. Black. None of those were right, he knew, but so long it'd been that way he was beginning to think they were permanent, like someone had taken sharpies and colored giant blotches all over his skin. Very little did it seem they yellowed and went away before he sustained another hit to start the bruising process all over again.

His skin was feverish, too, but compared to the cold concrete walls surrounding him, it seemed fairly normal, and he'd forgotten the ache of all the abuse long ago. Had almost forgotten what the sun, the sky, the grass looked like because he hadn't been out of the little room in days, hadn't been out of the house in over a month. They wouldn't let him. They never would, not until his body was void of breath and they discarded it outside to rot without proper burial.

But he'd made peace with that long ago. Right now his concern wasn't for himself and how he was certain he'd never make it out, but for the newborn baby kitten wrapped in a bloody towel, cradled delicately within his thin, shaking arms. With its eyes still shut and ears still folded down, rendering the poor thing blind and deaf, the only thing to reassure him of its life was an occasional squirm or squeal. It was only days old; he was certain it was hungry, but with its mother and siblings all having passed away due to the unsanitary conditions of the basement and lack of food, he had no way to feed it. All he could do was huddle it to his chest to keep it warm, hoping in vain that help might come.

The ones upstairs didn't know about the cat or her kittens. He'd hidden them in a hole in the wall, using a loose piece of paneling to camouflage it with the rest of the wall. The Man had thrown her out a few months ago in the midst of all the violence, right into a rainstorm. He'd lost hope he'd ever see her again until he heard a rattling at the tiny basement window - his only source of light - like she knew he was in there. He pulled her inside and hid her; not a week later, she'd given birth to a litter of four kittens, one of which wasn't even alive when it was born; the rest had followed one after the other, including the mother herself, until the little white one with the black face was the only one left.

He floated in and out of consciousness for several hours. The ones upstairs hadn't been down in nearly two days, and while he'd heard them shuffling around on the floor above him quite often, it felt as if they'd forgotten about him. He could barely remember the last time he ate - it had been at least a week - and he hadn't had anything to drink since the last time The Woman had opened the door and thrown a half empty water bottle down at him. He hadn't used the bathroom in days and as a result, the inevitable happened. He was dirty. He was cold. His clothes were torn and stained, his hair matted and caked in dust. And he didn't understand why or how people could be so infinitely cruel.

Light was beginning to shine in through the one small cloudy window he had, indicating the rising of the sun. He could hear the faint wailing of sirens in the distance; everything else was dead silent. The kitten squirmed a bit, its mouth opening and closing as if it was looking for a nipple to suck on. He could offer it nothing but the tip of his pinkie finger to satisfy it for a short moment. The sirens grew a bit closer and eventually faded away. His ears rang in the silence.

He was only half conscious when he heard a loud ring and a sudden trampling sound come from upstairs. Sluggishly, his eyes peeled themselves open and he looked up toward the basement door. A few hisses of words he couldn't make out seemingly right on the other side of it, a heavy sigh, and then the sound of the big warped wooden front door dragging across the floor as it was opened.

A new voice was added to the commotion. Male. Deep. Deeper than The Man's, but smoother. More reserved. The barrier of the walls and ceiling didn't allow his ears to make out any distinct words, but he thought about screaming. Thought about standing and banging on the walls, maybe even the door to alert someone, anyone that he was there, to help him get out. But simply the thought of merely trying to stand up or use his voice had his muscles aching and his throat stinging. There was no way he could actually do it...

Footsteps. Mild protests. Attempts at reasoning. Louder the voices became until it was flat out yelling. The Man was screaming profanities, The Woman crying. He couldn't make sense of any of it. The kitten had ceased suckling on his finger and was squirming again, unsatisfied. The sounds of struggle faded out of the room, the voices disappearing altogether. As much panic as his fatigued, neglected body could muster bubbled up inside of him; now he was truly alone, and no one would ever find him...

A few long, silent moments later, heavy footsteps thumped back in. Two sets, he thought. He should try to cry out, to catch their attention somehow, and although he thought The Man and Woman were the ones to be dragged out, there was no way to know for sure that it wasn't one of them up there, and therefore a feeble attempt of calling out would be useless.

He picked up a few soft voices, neither of which sounded like either of Their's. One set of footsteps seemed to clomp up the stairs to the second floor while the other neared the basement door. He held his breath, pulling his knees tighter to him and shielding the kitten, pressing himself into the corner as far as he possibly could. It felt like a horror movie as he watched the tarnished brass knob rotate and the wooden door eased open. The beam of a flashlight played across the wall, down the stairs, and then light was flooding in. He had to squint his eyes against it; the sun shining through the windows upstairs illuminated the small basement, but whoever was at the top of the staircase continued to point the flashlight across the room until it landed directly on his face. He hid his eyes from the bright assault.

"Ty, I found him!" barked a female voice; it reverberated off the concrete walls and causing him to flinch.

Another voice answered the female from up the stairs and footsteps were quick to clamber back down the upper staircase. The woman at the top of the stairs descended slowly, keeping her flashlight near him but away from his face. Slowly, she approached, leaning down as she went.

"Son, can you hear me?" she murmured. "Are you alright?"

He lifted his head again, peering at her through one squinted eye. She had a round face and wore a dark blue uniform that had a horrible memory flashing through. She was a police officer, though, that he knew, and she was there to help him. Help had finally come.

"We're gonna get you out of here, okay?" she murmured just as another figure appeared at the top of the stairs, blocking out much of the light. "Can you tell me your name, son?" She was offering him her hand as the other figure came down the stairs, speaking into something attached to his uniform. "Do you know your name?"

Of course he knew his name, but that didn't mean he could speak. Even if he could, his name was the least of his worries - he needed them to know about the kitten. Instead of making a motion to answer her, he slowly unraveled his limbs, stretching his legs out a bit and revealing the bloody towel with the tiny animal wrapped inside. Her eyes fell directly to it, and he watched the emotion flood through them. She only nodded, reaching for him further.

"Eren, right? Your name is Eren Jaeger," she said, still trying to coax some sort of relevant response from him. He managed a small nod in response at the same time he heard the door scrape across the floor from upstairs again and more footsteps trample into the house. Reflexively, he pulled his limbs closer to his center again.

"It's okay, honey. It's okay. We're here to help you. We'll take care of you. We'll take care of your kitten. May I touch you? I just want to check your pulse." She held out two fingers. Again he managed a nod. Ever so gently, she pressed her fingers to the side of his neck briefly before turning around to the man. "His pulse is very weak and he's got bruises everywhere. He might have fractured or broken ribs, maybe even damaged organs and lungs may be on the verge of collapse."

A gurney was shuffled down the stairs by two other men. The woman asked him if he could stand, to which he shook his head, and he was slowly lifted from his place in the corner. The movement ached. The pressure ached. A raspy choking sounded from his throat as if he were trying to groan in pain but lacked the voice to do so. A plastic mask was placed over his nose and mouth, his skin was met with fresher, easier to breathe air. He was lifted and was suddenly surrounded by bright, warm sunlight. He shut his eyes, unable to behold such light after being in the dark so long. At some point, the towel was removed from his arms and then the sunlight disappeared again.

He flickered in and out of consciousness. He vaguely remembered being in a small space with a loud wailing above his head, remembered a few people around him, remembered what felt like the motion of a car, or maybe a bus. Eventually it had stopped and he was moved out into the sun again, but it wasn't long before the sky disappeared again and was replaced by speckled ceiling panels and rectangular fluorescent lights. It seemed like there were dozens of people around him after the white lights stopped flicking by, one after another after another. A few hands touched him, a few voices spoke to him, but their words seemed muffled and he couldn't respond anyway, with the plastic covering his mouth and his throat stinging so badly.

Eventually, things seemed to calm down and he could make sense of a room - one painted a soft beige hue with a photo of some mountains on the wall to his right. Something was clamped onto his left index finger, and there were tubes running up both arms, taped down. He'd been stripped of his dirtied clothes and wiped down before he was dressed in a thin baby blue gown, tied with what looked like ribbon around his waist. He'd been conscious as they worked on making him comfortable, but only barely. His mind seemed to have gone into a state of shock from things changing so quickly while his body was struggling to keep up.

Eventually, he grew tired of staring up at the light above his head and shut his eyes. The world slowly seemed to fade out, and all he could think about before he was folded into a comfortable blanket of unconsciousness was that little kitten.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren meets his new foster family.

Warm. Eren didn’t remember ever feeling this warm. Didn’t remember being this comfortable the last time he woke up from sleep. Didn’t even remember what it felt like to get such a good sleep.

The backs of his eyelids danced with reds and oranges; it was enough to get him to peel them open. Golden stripes splayed across his front, warming. Blinking, he lifted his eyes to the window at his right. It was big, covered by half-drawn blinds with the sun shining through, uninvited but welcome nonetheless.

White sheets covered his body all the way up to his chin; he could still feel the tape securing the plastic tubes to his arms. The plastic mask he remembered from before was gone. He lifted his arm, pushed the blankets down a bit to rub his face. Before he made it, however, his eyes caught sight of the dark bruises still marking up his skin. The memory of where they came from flashed in the front of his mind, and he swallowed only to find his throat was still completely dry.

“Eren Jaeger?” a soft voice called from his left. Gasping, his head snapped in its direction to find a petit, unfamiliar woman lingering in the doorway with her knuckles against the large wooden door, indicating she’d knocked and he hadn’t heard it. She smiled warmly at him and moved slowly into the room. “Okay if I come in?”

She wasn’t dressed in a nurse’s uniform, but he nodded nonetheless, all too curious about who she was and why she was there. She sported shoulder length red hair and fair skin. She wore a simple gold blouse and jeans, carrying a white purse over one shoulder. The side of her hair was clipped back by a fake periwinkle flower pin. Her eyes were large, bright, warm - a honey amber color with the smallest hint of green; they reminded him of his mother and it left a pang.

“Hi, honey,” she said without ever losing the smile. She took a seat next to him without prompt, but he didn’t mind. “My name’s Petra. I’ve heard you’ve been through quite a lot.”

Eren remained quiet. He attempted another swallow, but his throat still felt like sandpaper. Noticing, Petra retrieved a large plastic cup filled with water, complete with a lid and a crinkled straw from the table beside his bed and offered it to him. A bit shakily, he took it with both hands and peeled his dried and cracking lips apart to take a small sip. It hurt a bit, wetting his throat, but it felt good going down. He continued to take tentative sips.

“It’s been a few days since you were admitted into the ICU,” she began explaining. “But you’re alright. You’ve got quite an intense amount of bruising, and not only on your skin, but it’s nothing that won’t heal with time. Right now they’re working on getting nourishment back into your body and re-hydrating you. But I promise you’re completely safe. The people who hurt you are in jail now.”

Eren merely blinked at her. He had about a thousand questions for her, but something seemed to be holding him back from asking a single one of them. Fortunately, she wasn’t asking any questions or forcing him to say a thing. She was gentle. Motherly, even. But there was no explanation for who she was or why she was there.

“You’ll probably be here for a few more weeks,” she said. “And you’re allowed to choose where you want to go after that.”

 _What about my kitten?_ he wanted to ask.

Either she could read his mind or his question was plain on his face, because she was explaining right as he formed the thought. “The baby kitten you had is safe, too. We took her to an animal hospital just a few blocks from here. She’s doing well and it’s likely she’ll grow up to be a normal, healthy cat.”

Eren couldn’t help but smile a little at that, and it was a smile Petra returned all too easily.

~

A few weeks, as Petra said, turned out to be two and a half. They did test after test on him, and after about a dozen he’d stopped counting. Doctors and nurses were constantly in and out of his room even after he was moved from the ICU to a normal room. They explained the results of all his tests with him, and he’d also lost count of how many times he was told he was lucky, and that little word angered him. No one who was trapped in a basement for over a month, beaten and neglected was ‘lucky’. But he said nothing.

Petra showed up nearly every day, too, and brought him updates on the kitten in the animal hospital. She’d been healthy and they’d found another mother kitten to foster and nurse her. Petra had taken and shown Eren several pictures, including one where she was just beginning to open her sapphire colored eyes.

His bruises continued to heal - they yellowed and most had finally faded completely. It was nice to see the true color of his skin again, the same smooth caramel as his father’s. He was taken off IV a week after arriving and they coaxed the standard three meals a day into him, and eventually the food started to taste normal again and it often took him everything he had not to scarf entire meals down like some kind of pig.

Three days before he was given the okay to leave, Petra explained the reason for her presence - she was a foster mom, though that much Eren had already suspected, and she took in kids like him who were a bit more difficult to handle, kids who had been through rough times during their childhood. And she’d given him a choice to make.

“You are more than welcome to come live with me and my other foster children when you’re discharged, but you don’t have to. If you want to go somewhere else, there’s nothing stopping you. It’s entirely up to you.”

And when she told him his kitten could come live with them, too, as long as he took on the responsibility of taking care of her, the decision was made.

~

Eren didn't have much to his name - a few articles of clothing back at what he came to think of as ‘the torture house’, a single photo having faded over time, and an old-fashioned brass key that hung on a very old and frayed leather cord. Petra was the one to go back to that house and retrieve a few of his clothes, and he was thankful he'd tucked the photo in his dresser because she'd found it and packed it in the small backpack with the rest of his things.

He was admittedly a bit apprehensive as they pulled up into the slanted driveway of a large white two-story house. It was a typical neighborhood, just like he always seemed to end up in no matter where he went. The house sat in between two others identical in structure to it, with a front yard and a tall maple tree making said yard its home. It was only just starting to bud as spring rolled in, and there were patches of green among the otherwise yellowed and dormant grass. It was homey enough, but after fifteen years of being shuffled around to similar homes and ending up in one where trauma he'd never forget, he couldn't help being a bit nervous.

Petra flashed him an encouraging smile before getting out of the car. Eren followed, hefting the backpack across one shoulder before slowly following her up the walk. She unlocked and opened the door with ease, and once it swung open they were greeted with nothing but silence.

“They must be in the backyard,” Petra said. She waved him inside as she stepped in herself. He complied slowly, letting the door swing shut behind him; he looked around, taking in the entryway with a wood floor, the walls painted a soft, even tan, the stairs to the left, a doorway to what he thought to be the kitchen. A couple white leather chairs sat to the right and a few family portraits hung on the walls. A plant hung from the ceiling at the left, several feet from the foot of the stairs next to a large window with a tear-drop shaped suncatcher hanging in it.

“Come on, I'll show you to your room,” Petra said after hanging her purse from a hook. Eren quietly followed her up the stairs and into a wide, carpeted hallway. The walls were decorated with quite a few more family pictures with different kids in many of them. Petra and a man Eren could only assume to be her husband were in most of them; they were organized across the butterscotch colored walls in pretty frames.

Petra stopped at the third door on the right and pushed it open. Eren peeked in to find a decently sized room occupied by two full-sized beds, a night table in between, a dresser on the right with a closet on the left, a desk, and a floor lamp in the far corner. A large window above the bed was covered by thin, open blinds and framed by white silk curtains.

“You’re welcome to either bed,” Petra explained, wandering into the room a bit and holding out her arms with a smile. “There are two beds because at one point I had six foster children and they had to share rooms.”

Eren’s nod was slight. He moved to the bed on the right, further from the door, and set his backpack down.

“How about I show you around and introduce you to everyone?” Petra asked, still smiling at him. Eren only nodded again before following her from the room again. She gestured to each room, naming whose was whose, including her own, and proceeded to explain how her husband (whose name Eren didn’t pick up on right away) was away on business quite often, and that’s where he was then.

“There’re two bathrooms, and we’ve designated one for girls and one for boys,” she said, knocking on one of the shut doors between two of the bedrooms. When there was no answer, she sighed and pushed it open. “I told those girls to keep their door open when it wasn’t in use,” she mumbled. “Anyway, this is the girls’ bathroom and that,” she pointed diagonally across the hall toward the end, near the staircase, “is the boys’ bathroom. You’ll only be sharing it with one other, and he doesn’t take up much room.” She proceeded back down the carpeted steps, to which Eren followed silently. She walked him through the kitchen, explaining where the snacks and such were, that he was allowed a snack pretty much any time he wanted but to watch out for names Sharpied on certain ones dictating ownership of said snack. She warned him not to snack too close to meal times and to make sure to dispose of any trash and watch for crumbs. “With four kids living here now, it’s easy for things to get dirty quickly.” She took him into the dining room, the living room, furnished with the normal things, and then back into another room running the length of the back of the house.

“The sunroom,” she said, pushing the screen door open and stepping down into the room. It was almost more like a covered porch, with the ‘walls’ being made up entirely of windows, including the ceiling. It looked out into a large backyard where he could see four other people running around and playing. At one end of the sun room was a large, L-shaped couch with end tables. At the other end was an upright piano adjacent to a brick fireplace, nestled into the only wall-looking part of the entire room. It was carpeted, with several decorations hanging from the ceiling - plants and more suncatchers, casting rainbows in various places across the floor.

“That’s everything,” Petra says, breaking Eren out of his small trance of admiring the little room. “Ready to meet everyone?” She sauntered toward the back door and placed her hand on the knob, waiting from his response.

He walked toward her, deciding he couldn’t really get any readier. They strode through the door and out onto a large concrete patio covered by an awning. The yard was large, surrounded by a six-foot privacy fence on all sides. A metal swing set stood on the far end, a flourishing ash tree on the opposite side. A rust red picnic table sat beneath it in the shade. A few yard games and toys littered the yard; a boy and girl about the same height both sporting dark hair played a game of croquet, the girl tapping the blue ball along through the hoops while the boy watched with a pouty face as she was allowed to take multiple turns for getting through with ease. A petite blonde stood next to the boy with her hand on his shoulder, reassuring him. On the opposite side of the yard the little dark-haired girl was headed toward sat another blonde on one of the swings, her full attention on a phone in her hands with a rather bored expression.

Eren took this all in within just a few seconds before what looked at first to be a large black mass was rushing in his and Petra’s direction. Instinctively, he jumped back a bit before his eyes focused on the large dog in front of him - literally, it was huge, its head reaching his mid thigh. It ignored Petra altogether and was already inspecting him, sniffling around his feet. A smile tugged at his lips and he knelt down, offering it a hand to inspect.

“This is Lucy,” Petra explained. “I suppose I forgot to mention her, didn’t I?” She, too, kneeled down and patted the large canine on her head. Still, she ignored her and gave Eren’s fingers a soft lick before allowing him to scratch her behind her rather large, pointed ears. “She’s a Black Lab, German Shepard mix,” Petra continued. “A real sweetheart. You like dogs, don’t you?”

Eren nodded. He _definitely_ liked dogs. He had a love for all animals. Having a dog around, despite her size, was going to make things a lot easier for him.

By then, the others in the yard had noticed their appearance - excluding the one on the swing. The dark-haired girl had stopped tapping her ball across the yard and had looked over. Petra stood back up and waved them over. The petite blonde herded the two younger kids over before calling toward the swings, “Annie!” The other’s head raised; her bored expression didn’t falter as she stood up and strode over.

“Eren, this is Historia,” Petra said, gesturing to the smaller blonde girl, who greeted him with a friendly smile and sparkling, sky blue eyes. “She’s my designated babysitter on the rare occasion I go somewhere I can’t take my kids. She lives just next door.”

“Hello,” Historia greeted in a voice that sounded like it belonged to a little girl rather than a teenager about Eren’s age. He accepted her hand to shake and she stepped aside, nudging the boy forward.

“And these are my kids. Marco,” Petra gestured to the boy. Dark-haired with hazel eyes, his cheeks and nose dusted with little dark freckles. He gave a shy smile and a small wave. “Mikasa.” She acknowledged the girl at Marco’s side; her hair was dark and shiny in the sun, reaching just past her shoulders; like her hair, her eyes were dark and almost mysterious, framed by thick lashes. She was clearly Asian. She spared him a small nod. “And Annie.” The other blonde - also blue-eyed, her hair rolled into a bun on the back of her head, her nose curved a bit, her skin pale. She merely returned his gaze, offering no gesture of greeting. “And this is Eren,” Petra said, speaking to the kids and gesturing at him, smiling.

A mildly awkward silence fell over. Annie went back to her phone, Marco fidgeted with the end of his shirt, and Mikasa absently tapped her croquet mallet against the cement of the patio. Eren swallowed thickly, averting his eyes to the dog who had planted her butt on the ground and panted contentedly.

Petra finally broke the quiet. “Eren, do you wanna go back upstairs and get settled in?”

Figuring it was better than standing around feeling awkward, Eren nodded. The redhead waved everyone inside, saying something about paying Historia and making a snack for the rest. She allowed Mikasa and Marco finish their game, leaving Lucy to look after them to Eren's disappointment. Something told him the canine would be his best, if not only, company for the next several days before he grew comfortable with everyone...provided that ever happened.

Thankfully, Petra accompanied him back upstairs and to his room. “You're welcome to shower. Everything is in there, but if you have specific things you'd like to use, don't be afraid to ask. As far as the hospital said, you don't have any allergies, correct?” He nodded. “Do you like apples, then?” Another nod. “Okay, good. I'll make a snack, then.” She smiled, and the flash of a memory resurfaced - Styrofoam plates with sliced apples and a glob of peanut butter waiting for him on the tarnished, oval kitchen table and a warm smile to greet him at the door after school. Quickly, he shook it off and moved for his stuff.

“Oh! And I almost forgot, Eren,” Petra was saying, whirling back around from having been exiting the room. “All my foster kids get a wish,” she says. “Anything you want - within reason, of course, but we're flexible. Think about it for a while and let me know if you come up with something.”

Again he nodded, sinking down onto the bed and unzipping the pack to shuffle through his things, few in number.

“Welcome home, then,” were her parting words before disappearing down the hall, leaving the door just slightly open.

 _Home_. Nowhere had felt truly like a home in years. Not his first foster home, and definitely not his adoptive home after that, as much as it had at first. Large home. Nice parents. He'd gone to school, made a good friend who he was almost sure he'd never see again. And then, slowly, the place filled with alcohol and it was nothing but a downward spiral from there. He could still smell the pungent odor of the booze, could still hear the rough, angry voice of The Man, see his ugly face…

Eren didn't know if this could ever be considered home to him. Didn't know if those downstairs could ever be considered family or if he'd ever come to love a parental figure in life again. But he figured, for now, this is what he had, and it was a hell of a lot better than where he'd been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so, I know it's pretty slow going at the moment, buuut it should be picking up pretty soon! Sorry about the mildly long wait, and thank you to those who've read/left kudos/commented; it means so much to me. ♥


	3. III

Lucy quickly became Eren's best friend in the place, the sunroom his favorite part of the house. It was so easy to gravitate back to it and watch sunsets, to see the rain fall against and slide down the glass, to lie on the couch while his hand stroked over the canine's glossy black fur as she laid on the floor next to him, watching the clouds roll lazily by over the month he'd been there.

His bruises, after what had seemed like an eternity, had finally faded completely away. His follow-up check up had gone well two weeks after being discharged from the hospital, but he still remained silent, something no one could figure out. In truth, something had been boiling inside him since waking up that first day in the hospital; he was afraid that if he opened his mouth and tried to speak, he'd end up screaming instead. Whatever it was, it was left over from Them and everything they'd done to him while was there. It hurt, yet he was strangely afraid to let it out.

Because of it, he didn't make easy friends with the others. Marco and Mikasa, he found, were nearly inseparable. Annie kept to herself more times than not. And that was why he stuck with Lucy, who welcomed him easily. He'd often leave his bed in the middle of the night and sneak down to the sunroom to curl up on the couch and sleep. Oftentimes, Lucy - who was free to wander the house as she pleased during the night - would come find him and sniff him awake; he'd curl up next to her on the floor, getting a much better sleep there than upstairs.

"He might've gone mute," he heard Petra saying in a hushed voice one morning. He'd been in the sunroom again and could hear her from the kitchen, talking on the phone as she got breakfast ready. She'd either overlooked him or saw him and presumed he was still asleep. "He's been through so much trauma...it might have mentally scarred him so bad that he can no longer speak." A pause as she listened on the other end. "Yes, I've spoken to doctors about it. They all tell me to take him to a psychologist, but if he can't speak, I don't see how that will help...I know, I'm just worried...No, he hasn't really made friends with the others. He's taken to Lucy, though, which is something." A sigh, and then, "Mhm...He sleeps in the sunroom a lot, but I don't know why...No, the records say his father was killed in a car accident and his mother overdo--"

At that point, he couldn't take listening anymore. He'd bolted up and out the backdoor before he could hear her finish the word.

Petra homeschooled in the dining room four out of seven days of the week. She'd just had him jump in with where everyone else was, and he picked it up easily. Studying, though, had him thinking of Armin, and that pain in his chest grew a little bit every time he thought of his long lost friend. He thought about using his wish to see him, but that would require speaking, and he wasn't sure he even deserved to see any friends anyway.

Presently, he stat in the waiting room of an animal hospital with Petra, waiting for one of the vets to call them back to see his kitten. She'd taken him as often as possible; the first time, he'd nearly broken down in tears with thankfulness that he was able to save the animal, even in the poor state he'd been in back then. She was bigger every time they visited, and for just a while, he'd forgotten about everything that had gone on just a few weeks ago while he watched her eat, sleep, and try and play on her tiny legs. Today they would find out if she was ready to be taken home yet.

When they were called, he practically jumped up and was several steps ahead of Petra in following the vet back.

She was still so small, but not nearly as tiny as he'd remembered her to be, wrapped up in a bloody towel and looking for milk. As she wandered around a large metal crate, shared with four other black kittens and a large female cat lounging in the corner of the cage, her tail stuck up, stalking toward the black bars in his direction. A small smile forming on his face, Eren knelt down in front of her; she promptly latched onto the bars with her little paws, mewing quietly at him as if she remembered him, almost as if she was thanking him. His smile widened and he offered her one of his fingers to sniff. She nibbled at it gently, her baby teeth grazing his skin.

"In spite of her condition when she arrived, she's a very healthy and happy kitten," the vet said with Petra at his side. Eren didn't even bother looking up. He could tell simply by seeing her as she continued to nibble and nudge at his fingers through the bars with her little black face.

"That's good news," Petra said, seemingly in response for him though she already knew from previous visits.

"Have you a name picked out for her yet?" asked the vet. His face, blue eyes and blond hair coming into Eren's peripheral view as he kneeled down near him. Eren shifted his eyes from the kitten to the man's face, noting his chiseled features and neat hair, trimmed into an undercut. He caught sight of his name tag - 'Erwin Smith', it read.

Eren offered the slightest shake of his head in response. In truth, he hadn't thought much about what he'd name her, especially considering he hadn't seen her since those dark days in that horrid basement. He wanted her name to mean something, even if it was something simple or cliche. They'd made it through that ugly situation together; she'd miraculously survived when her true mother and siblings hadn't, and he'd somehow had enough willpower to keep himself going to protect her until help came. Her name needed to be something of a representation of that.

"That's okay," Dr. Smith said before pushing himself back up and turning back toward Eren's new foster mother. "You weren't kidding," he whispered, to which the teen rolled his eyes and continued playing with his kitten. _Like I can't hear you_ , he thought in annoyance.

"Mhm," Petra hummed. "But he's a fighter, that much is evident. I'm eager to see what he'll do with his life."

Eren let the conversation fade to the background. He was admittedly a bit tired of Petra talking to people when she thought he couldn't hear her, even if she said good things. It was somehow like he was so much different than the others she'd raised, but he couldn't help but wonder if she did the same thing with all foster kids she took in for the first few months they were with her.

"You'll be able to take her home in several week's time," Dr. Smith informed him once their hushed conversation had come to a close. By then, Eren was fully on the floor and using both his hands to play with his kitten and a few other curious ones who'd come up to inspect him and nibble his fingers, squeaking little meows at him. "She's still got some developing to do, but you can come back and see her any time."

Taking that as a dismissal, he sighed through his nose, gently scratched the little one's black nose with the tip of his finger, and moved to his feet. She immediately began squealing out at the sudden loss of attention and the desperate little sounds left a crack on his heart. Still, he turned back toward Petra, who gave him a smile and led him out after thanking the vet.

~

Not two days after the visit was Eren given a decision to make.

"Can I have a word?" Petra asked as she eased her way into the sunroom where he was on the floor leaning back against the couch next to Lucy with a random book he pulled from the shelf for lack of a better thing to do, having already finished the (ridiculously easy, in his opinion) 'home'work Petra had assigned for the day. He shut the book, keeping his place with a thumb between the pages and watched as she sat near him on the couch. "Oluo and I were talking--" Oluo, the name of Petra's husband who Eren still had yet to meet and was constantly wondering what kind of 'business' could keep him away for over a month "--and we've decided to give you a decision to make."

Eren's heart automatically jumped at the new information. Decision? What decision could she possibly need him to make, other than choosing between two different things for dinner to break the tie or if he wanted to move up to a more advanced level in one of the subjects she taught - something she'd already asked about for part of their studies? Was it a decision that would require him to attempt to speak without screaming his lungs out as he'd feared? That thing in his chest felt hard and jagged like a stone, and every day it got a little bigger, a little sharper, and sometimes he was to the point where he didn't even want to open his mouth in fear of wailing at the top of his lungs.

"It's just that we're concerned about the fact that you haven't spoken," she went on; he forced a subtle swallow, unable to meet her eyes any longer. _How the hell can someone I've never even met be concerned for me?_ he thought, perhaps a bit too bitterly. "It's okay, honey." She set a gentle hand upon his shoulder. "You've been through a lot and no one can really blame you for not wanting to talk about it. But we think it might help if you'd like to see a professional about it. We only want what's best and what's going to make you feel safest and most comfortable." And how the hell did he know she was going to say that?

'I'm fine,' he wanted to say. But the fact that he was too afraid to use his voice - for reasons he honestly couldn't entirely fathom - was proof that he wasn't fine. It had been so long since he'd said anything to anyone; he couldn't remember the last time he spoke, what he said, or who it was directed toward. He wouldn't have been surprised if his voice had completely withered away without use and truly had gone mute.

"You don't have to go," Petra continued. "I completely understand if you want to work things out on your own, in your own time. I believe you're more than capable of that. But it couldn't hurt to have a little push, too. So, if you'd like, I can make you an appointment with the psychologist I work with. She's spoken to several of my kids quite a few times and I really think you could benefit from a visit with her. And she makes house calls," she tacked on at the end.

Eren didn't want to see some shrink. Yeah, there was something wrong with him, but he'd been beaten and neglected to the point where he was put in the _hospital_ for crying out loud! Of course he wasn't going to completely be up to par on acting like a perfectly normal fifteen-year-old. Because he wasn't.

The bubble of anger building up was so futile, and he knew it, but it didn't stop him from setting his jaw and turning back to his book, pretending to continue reading without so much as giving her a nod or a shake of his head, as he normally would have (she'd gotten used to asking him strictly yes and no questions, whereas the others hadn't).

"Think about it," she said before standing up. "You don't have to make the decision right away." With that, she exited the sunroom and left him to his own devices.

~

He was left with little time to simply lean one way or the other on the decision, because the very next day Petra dumped more news on him.

 _Dumped_ wasn't exactly the best word to use, but after the damn-near ultimatum she'd given him the previous day, it felt like it.

"How would you feel about a roommate?" she asked cautiously, though not lacking a smile.

He raised his brows. _A roommate? Already?_ She continued to smile as if it'd encourage him to the idea.

"Gosh, I know this all so sudden and I'm piling things on you left and right. It's just that this is a little urgent. We might have another kid joining us within the next couple of, oh, months. I wanted to know if you'd be okay with sharing a room with him before I make any definite decisions."

 _Oh, god_ , he thought. He already had trouble fitting in and being accepted by the other kids who were already there and not rooming with him; he didn't know how to feel about sharing a room with some random kid from who-knew-where.

But could he really say no? Petra took in troubled kids, kids with darker pasts who struggled to fit into the world anywhere else, and tried to give them a fresh start, easing them into the world better than their true parents had. Meaning whoever would be sharing a room with him was someone who might've seen or experienced the same or similar things as he had. He knew he sure as hell would hate to be rejected from a foster home just because some kid was too stuck up (could a foster child be stuck up?) or selfish to share his room.

"Would you be okay with it?" Petra asked after she didn't get an answer for a long moment.

Eren shrugged, a gesture he hoped came off as 'I don't really mind' rather than flat out 'I don't care'. She smiled warmly at him and squeezed his shoulder, thanking him and telling him she was proud of him for being so gracious. "Have you thought about your wish any further?" She followed up with.

He had, but he hadn't come up with something to use it on, so he simply shook his head. She merely said 'okay' and let him back to his 'studies' - reading about the Cold War in a text book and simply writing notes on it to help him better remember. The note-taking turned out to be essentially fruitless, however, and although he was still into it enough to jot down the important points, his mind kept wandering back to this new roommate he'd be getting soon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the quality of the writing in this chapter is shit and I'm sorry. I also apologize for such a late update. I'm still really excited for this story, though, as I hope some of you might be too. :3
> 
> Any suggestions for the name for his kitten? I literally can't think of anything .~.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren meets his new roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know about this chapter, honestly. I hope you guys like it ;~;

The dark-haired boy showed up just shy of a week later. The four foster kids had been seated in the living room: Marco working his way through a video game, Mikasa next to him with a sketchbook in her lap, Annie in the recliner with her nose buried in a comic and headphones tucked snugly in her ears, Historia on one end of the couch reading a book with Eren on the opposite side with Lucy at his feet simply watching Marco play his game when the sound of the front door opening from the entryway reached their ears.

Eren’s heart jumped in nervous anticipation at the sound though he pretended not to notice it, as no one else looked up toward the foyer. He listened as two sets of footsteps drew closer until a very smiling Petra entered the room with someone straggling along behind her. Everyone but Marco and Annie looked up in curiosity just as the boy stepped out from behind her. Though, ‘boy’ was used tentatively in describing him. He was still a teenager - that much was evident for several reasons, but there was something in his eyes that made him seem older than he really was. While his pale face was uncannily impassive, a fire burned within the depths of his dark eyes. To Eren, it was a bit unsettling.

As Petra made her introductions, saving Eren for last to explain to the newcomer - who she’d called Levi - he was the one Levi would be sharing a room with, Eren studied him. He wore a black hoodie and jeans above a tattered pair of Vans, a black ring through the right side of his lip, and a small black leather bag slung over one shoulder. His face was an even shade of ivory; his dark hair hung over his forehead and ended just over thin brows and narrow eyes. A color was difficult to decipher from his irises, but they were piercing. His overall demeanor was angry, but in a subtle, monotonous kind of way. Tired, too, in the way that said he'd been through a lot; Eren knew such a feeling all too well.

“I’m gonna show Levi to his room,” Petra said. “Historia, you’re welcome to stay for dinner if you’d like,” she tacked on before heading back toward the foyer.

As soon as they were out of the room, everyone having offered their greeting no matter how quipped it was, they went back to the things they were doing, save for Historia who ruffled Marco’s hair and headed toward the kitchen, saying she was going to help start preparing dinner.

Eren was left conflicted - follow Petra and Levi up to the room, just to scope it out, to observe his new roommate further, or stay right where he was and watch Marco continue to die in his game at the same spot and slap the floor, cursing mildly under his breath in frustration every time he did.

Strangely enough, something egged him on to make the journey upstairs. With a short scratch between Lucy’s ears, he stood and tiptoed in that direction. From the bottom of the steps, he could hear Petra’s muffled voice and an even quieter, deeper tone to fill in where she paused. Eren gripped the rail and pulled himself up the stairs, chewing on his lip the whole way. Sure enough, Petra was standing in the doorway to his - _their_ \- room, telling Levi to make himself at home. As he approached, she turned, casted him a smile, and disappeared back down the stairs, leaving Eren scrambling for a good excuse for going into the room even though it was, well, _his room_ too.

Levi was sitting on his bed, unpacking the few belongings he possessed into the dresser next to it. Though he was facing away from the door, he looked up as soon as Eren set foot in the room, causing him to freeze in his tracks.

“If you’ve come to welcome me or whatever,” Levi said, turning back to continue his work, “don’t waste your breath.”

Eren pressed his lips together and sunk down on the end of his bed. He hadn't planned on being the welcoming committee even if he wanted to speak. Truthfully, he was curious about the new addition to the household - where he'd come from and why. Simply who he was; Eren didn't want to be rooming with a total stranger. But without the desire or perhaps even the ability to speak, he figured that was useless and felt stupid for ever having such a desire.

Levi said nothing else, asked no other questions or seemed even remotely interested in Eren's presence. He'd finished packing his things away in the dresser and was left with nothing but a stick of deodorant, a tube of toothpaste that was almost empty, and a rather frayed toothbrush in hand. He stood and headed toward the door, his eyes just briefly meeting Eren's, giving the brunet a chilling feeling. Levi's eyes burned alright - with something Eren felt deep in his soul just seeing it - a heavy, impenetrable loneliness much like the one Eren felt trapped town in that basement. It had him wrapping his arms around himself and looking down, trying to shake the feeling.

~

Dinner was a little too awkward for Eren's tastes. Levi sat at his right side, saying nothing to contribute to the conversation going on around the table between the others. They both merely picked at their food without looking up and sitting far enough away from each other as to not to raise questions. Eren barely tasted his food, and though Petra was an excellent cook, it all tasted bland to him.

He was worrying - probably needlessly, he knew - about when bedtime rolled around. If things were awkward now while they were surrounded by the rest of the household, how would it be when it was just the two of them in the room alone, one of them not even having spoken in months. And he kept thinking of more things to worry about - did Levi sleep shirtless? Or just with boxers? Did he need light or sound to help him fall asleep? Did he snore or talk or sleepwalk or have night terrors? It was one ‘or’ after another in his mind, and he couldn't shake it.

Eren made it a point to get ready and into the bedroom before his new roommate. He crawled to the head of his bed and covered himself to the waist before pulling a single photograph from beneath his pillow. It was a nightly ritual for him, to gaze into that little snapshot of the past and think about how things had been when it was captured, to miss the two others he shared the photo with - a chocolate lab and a dark-haired woman, both of which he loved dearly, even after all these years of being without them.

The door swinging open tore Eren’s attention away from the picture and he looked up to watch Levi enter the room wearing nothing but a pair of plaid sweats. He was rubbing a towel through his damp hair and paying Eren no mind as he watched him sit, toss the towel over his shoulder, and pull a comb with several broken teeth through his black locks. He neatly hung the towel over the footboard of his bed before shuffling through his belongings for a t-shirt to pull over his head. With that, he snaked his way beneath his covers and curled up on his side, facing away from Eren, and shut his light off.

Eren wanted to whisper a goodnight, but the lump in his stomach scared him too much to allow him to try. So he simply slid his photo back underneath his pillow and laid down himself, mimicking Levi’s actions by shutting off the light and curling up on his side to wait for sleep.

~

The next couple of weeks followed essentially the same routine. Levi mostly kept to himself, even during their studies and game nights. He opted out of them more times than not, and Eren swore he’d only heard him say a total of five words at meals, be it breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He wasn’t as quiet of Eren himself, of course, but considerably less animated, which was saying something. He never acknowledged Eren at bedtime or in the mornings and rarely even looked at him.

 _Don’t take it personally,_ Eren kept reminding himself. _He doesn’t really acknowledge anyone._

And it was true. The few words he did speak in that low, raspy voice of his were mainly to Petra, sometimes Lucy, but very rarely any of the other foster kids, and never Eren since that first day.

As much as Eren tried to convince himself to brush it off like it was nothing, that maybe he never spoke to him because Eren himself never said anything, he couldn’t completely rid himself of the inkling that Levi purposely never acknowledged him. As a result, he found himself trying to communicate in subtle, visual ways instead. He’d offer Levi things by holding them out, attempting a smile, and Levi would ignore him. He made it a point to start sitting next to him during class, but it seemed the other pretended not to notice. The more he attempted to reach out, the less interested Levi seemed (if he even _could_ be any less interested).

On a sunny afternoon a little over two weeks weeks after Levi’s arrival, Petra promised to take Eren to see his kitten again the next day, giving him a last resort idea on how to reach out to Levi.

He slowly ascended the stairs, his lips pressed together in a thin line, his stomach tight with uneasiness. He shuffled his feet along the carpet once he made it to the top of the stairs and headed toward the door to his room that was only cracked open. He knew Levi was in there; he’d heard him tell Petra he would be in the room studying, and it gave Eren his perfect opportunity.

He cleared his throat a bit as a test before he made his way into the room. With a deep breath, he slowly pushed the door open and peeked inside the room. Levi sat on his bed with his legs crossed and study materials spread out on the duvet in front of him. In his right hand he held a pencil hovering above a notepad balanced on his knee. His left rested on a book on the opposite knee, holding it open as he peered down at it.

Levi didn't so much as glance up as Eren entered the room and sunk down gingerly on the end of his own bed.

 _This is stupid,_ he thought. _Why does it even matter if acknowledges you?_

But as the boy lifted his eyes back to his roommate, something tugged at him from the inside - intent. Maybe it was stupid that he cared so much about why Levi was blatantly ignoring him, but that didn't erase the fact that he felt the need to reach out anyway.

 _You’re just too damn stubborn,_ he scolded himself.

And he was. Otherwise he knew he wouldn’t be doing this.

He sat and watched Levi for a few more long minutes as his head swiveled back and forth between the notepad where his hand would dart across with the pen, and the book. Eren cleared his throat again, knowing he had to do this before he lost his nerve.

“Do you want to meet my kitten?” he asked quietly.

Levi’s hand stopped in its tracks from writing. Slowly, his head lifted, a brow quirked incredulously. “He speaks.”

Eren wanted to smile; had planned to smile, but his lips wouldn’t cooperate. He suddenly came to the realization that this was the first time Levi had really looked directly at him, and he truly couldn’t determine the true color of his irises, even at this proximity.

“Do you?” Eren pressed.

Levi stared at him for a few seconds longer, his eyes flicking back and forth just slightly with an expression one might have were they trying to work out a complicated math problem. Finally, he said, “No,” and immediately returned his focus to his work.

“Okay…” Eren mumbled, looking down.

Talking felt mildly strange; his voice was weak after having not been used in so long. He'd forgotten what it sounded like to his own ears. Having spoken, though, that jagged stone residing in his chest seemed suddenly duller, like speaking for the first time took the edge off. He still felt like he may scream, but now, after speaking and not ending up wailing his lungs out, he felt he had more control over it.

_At least one good thing came out of this..._

If Levi didn't want to meet his kitten, that was fine by him. At least he'd tried despite not making any progress. He hoped, though - as futile as it was - that Levi picked up the intention behind the offer.

~

Eren had dozed off in the midst of Levi's studying. When he peeled his eyes back open, the other teen was nowhere to be seen and the door had been shut. Blinking to clear his sleepy vision, Eren pushed himself up and rubbed the side of his face. He let out a soft, tired sigh and glanced at the digital clock to his left. 6:32. Dinner would be in half an hour…

Levi’s bed was completely void of any evidence he’d been there not too long ago, including any wrinkles in the covers, but the top drawer of his dresser was left slightly open. As he rose to his feet, something long and frayed caught Eren’s attention. Frowning, he tiptoed over to the piece of furniture and peeked inside. On the left was the notepad and book Levi’d been using to study, along with a few other study materials. On the right, however, were books that had absolutely nothing to do with their studies. The one resting on the top of the stack of three was without its cover that had been ripped off - pretty violently, from the looks of it. The page now exposed was dirty and the rest of it was torn and frayed in several places.

Curiously, Eren lifted it to peek at the one beneath it. It was similar, but perhaps a bit less tattered and still protected by a plastic cover. The third was the same, both covers sporting a different photo of an instrument and a title: _Violin Instruction_ , books one, two, and three.

And laying across the entire drawer was the thing that caught Eren’s eye. Long, its stick scratched up and the hair dirtied and frayed, only holding about half of what it must’ve originally had, was a bow. And, as far as Eren could tell from recalling the few items Levi carried when he first moved in, there was no instrument to go with it.

Eren swore he suddenly saw a light bulb go on over his head. He gently pushed the drawer back into the position he found it in and made his way back toward the stairs to find Petra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't fully edit this like I normally do, so do let me know if there are strange things that need to be fixed, and let me know if you think this sucks haha.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, you guys, I'm _terribly_ sorry for this being so late. You don't understand how mad I am at myself for taking so long to get this done. Life has just been kicking my ass hardcore...

Eren’s throat felt dry as he hovered in the kitchen doorway. Petra faced away from him, working on mixing spaghetti sauce ingredients in a large pot on the stove. He attempted a swallow. Another. But his throat felt like it was all stuck together, and there wasn't enough moisture in his mouth to counteract that. Sighing through his nose, he took another small step into the room.

 _Hell with it_ , he thought.

“P-Petra?” he attempted. The woman didn't turn; he cleared his throat and tried again. “Petra?”

And suddenly the redhead whipped around, startled, with a box of spaghetti noodles in her hand. A few remaining pieces of dried pasta flew out of the box and scattered across the floor, several breaking in the process. Eren flinched back toward the doorway just as his eyes met surprised golden-brown irises, his throat attempting a nervous gulp.

“Eren,” breathed the woman, lifting a hand to her rapidly rising and falling chest due to her surprise. “Was that you who said my name?” The teen gave a small nod. “Goodness, hon. I didn't recognize your voice. I'm sorry for jumping like that.” She bent down to pick up the few noodles that had scattered across the floor. “Are you alright?”

He nodded again, looking once more for his voice. “I…” He cleared his throat needlessly; getting words out was suddenly more difficult than it had been speaking to Levi. “I want to use my wish.”

A bright smile immediately spread across Petra's face as she discarded the floor noodles and their box into the trash. “Alright. Let's hear it.”

“I want to buy Levi a violin.” Once the words were out, he pressed his lips together with nervous anticipation.

Petra's brows immediately furrowed, though whether it was in confusion or something else, Eren couldn't tell. “You…want to use your wish on someone else?” she murmured. Eren merely nodded yet again. Petra hummed, thrown off a bit as she turned to stir the spaghetti sauce. “Are you sure? It's really supposed to be for you…”

“I'm sure.” And he was. Though he couldn't completely fathom why he wanted to use his wish on something that would in no way benefit himself, he was sure in his gut that this was what he wanted to do with it.

Petra was silent for another moment as she lazily stirred the steaming sauce. “Alright,” she said, turning to send him a soft smile. “Let's do some research after dinner on it, okay?”

“Can...can we keep this a secret from him? To make it a surprise…”

“Of course. Now would you mind setting the table for me?”

Nodding again, Eren moved to the cabinets above the sink to retrieve six plates; he piled the same amount of forks and spoons onto them to carry them into the dining room and laid out the place settings with napkins before going back for glasses for milk (and tea, for lactose-intolerant Marco’s sake). Once finished, he was walking back through the kitchen to head into the sunroom to wait for the dinner announcement when Petra softly called his name.

“It's nice to finally hear your voice,” she said fondly.

Eren managed a small smile back that felt more genuine than he'd anticipated. Quietly, he slipped into the sunroom and opened the back door for Lucy, who always came running across the yard when she saw him. He settled in on the floor with her and a book until dinnertime.

~

“Alright, Eren, here's the money you'll need based on our research.” Petra held several large bills in his direction, looking him directly in the eye. “Are you really sure this is how you want to use your wish?”

Eren gave a firm nod. He was tired of telling her the same thing over and over, tired of her _asking_ the same thing over and over. Silently, he took the money and tucked it away in the little wallet she'd given him - one of Oluo’s old ones, but it was enough - and slid that into his back pocket.

“Okay then. Historia has my number in case you need to get ahold of me. Otherwise, have fun and make a wise decision.” With a smile, Petra reached up to ruffle his hair and gave Historia a quick hug before sending them off.

 _The Sound Shoppe_ was a hole-in-the-wall music store less than five miles from the foster home that took just under ten minutes to reach by car. As the two stepped in past the glass door and the small tinkle of a bell sounded from above, there wasn’t a soul in sight. The smell of the interior was almost musty, smelling of wood and paper laced with some unknown scent Eren’s nose had never encountered before. It was pleasant. Welcoming. Instruments covered the walls and a good majority of the floor from strings to percussion to wind - acoustic guitars, electric guitars, a hundred different types of drums, clarinets, flutes, cellos, bass guitars and string bass among other types Eren had never even heard of before. To the left of the door was the check-out counter littered with different things - boxes of guitar picks, boxes labeled ‘rosin’ (whatever that was), even kazoos and other little nicknacks. For a musician, a place like this would be heaven.

Eren wandered slowly in with Historia in tow, drinking in as much of the place as he could in a small amount of time. He shuffled along the carpet toward the far wall covered in hanging stringed instruments. The entire right side was reserved solely for orchestral strings - violins, violas, even a few cellos. Many of them sported different designs and were painted to make them unique; each shone in the overhead fluorescent light. While they were all gorgeously unique, only one truly caught Eren's eye - it was of classic acoustic design, the kind you saw everywhere, painted a sleek, inky black. It hung near the corner just a bit higher than Eren’s head.

It looked...lonely. Almost sad. How an instrument could be _lonely_ or _sad_ was beyond Eren, but he swore he could feel it. He was so encaptured by it that he didn’t notice the bald man approaching him until he was speaking.

“Found something that catches your eye, huh?” he asked, causing Eren to jump backwards and nearly plow right into Historia, who put her hands up in defense before she could topple over.

The man, with a wrinkled forehead, a shiny dome, and a scruffy salt and pepper mustache, let out an amused huff. “I’ll take that as a yes. You lookin’ to purchase something today?” Eren merely nodded, and the man, with a hand perched on his hip, sauntered over to the black violin. “Would you like to see it closer?”

Eren nodded again, and Historia articulated a “yes, please”. The man reached up and gently lifted the instrument from its mount on the wall before holding it out to Eren. He took it with a gentle hand around the neck and another on the side. It was lighter than he’d expected, and suddenly seemed so much more delicate. He flipped it over, admiring the smooth black surface of the back, running his fingers gently down the wood, strangely fascinated by it.

“How long you been playing?” asked the man.

Eren glanced up at him. “I...don’t,” he said.

The man’s bushy brows lifted. “You looking into learning, then?”

Eren shook his head.

“It’s for a gift,” supplied Historia, and the man nodded in realization.

“Alright. Do you know what size you’ll need? This one may not cut it for the person you’re looking to gift this to.”

Eren frowned, glancing at Historia. He had no idea what size Levi would need and suddenly felt a bit discouraged.

Noticing this, the man said, “You can always take it, have ‘em try it and if it’s not right, bring it back and we can fit ‘em with a different one.”

“Okay,” Eren said, frown dissipating.

“Alright then. Follow me.” The man walked back toward the front of the shop, and Eren and Historia scurried after. The man retrieved a bulky plastic maroon case from a room behind the counter and set it up on the counter, snapping it open to reveal nothing but a little box in a small hole it fit exactly into and a bow painted identically to the violin itself, snug in what looked like blue velvet. He reached for the instrument which Eren happily supplied and used a cloth to wipe it down with before fitting it perfectly into the case.

The violin, including the case, bow and little box marked “rosin” like the ones on the counter, cost $120.00 even, less than half of what Petra had given him. Happily with the violin in hand and Historia at his heels, Eren walked back out of _The Sound Shoppe_ , eager to witness Levi’s reaction to his gift - though he planned to give it anonymously, something he’d already discussed with Petra.

Back at the house, Eren made sure to send Historia in first to make sure no one was around to see him with the instrument. When she came back and reported them to all be in the backyard enjoying the clear mid-morning weather, he snuck his way inside with the large case hugged to his chest. The house was virtually silent, save for his sneaking with his feet occasionally touching a squeaky part of the floor. Historia watched, smiling, from the doorway in the foyer as he tiptoed up the stairs.

“You sure he's out there?” Eren whispered over the railing.

Historia let out a tinkling giggle. “Yep!” she whispered back.

The brunet nodded and ascended to the top of the staircase. He strode as silently as possible down the hall to his and Levi's room, where the door was wide open to reveal its vacancy of any life. Relaxing, he moved into the room and situated the maroon case diagonally across the center of the bed. He then backed toward the door to see what it looked like from the angle as you entered the room. Biting his lip, he thought about leaving a note with nothing but Levi’s name on it, but after a moment of consideration, he figured Levi would know it was for him if it was left on his bed.

A bubble of giddiness in held in his stomach, Eren flew almost silently back down the stairs. As much as he would have _loved_ to see the expression on Levi’s face when he first laid eyes on the instrument and went to investigate, he wanted to remain anonymous more. He’d decided that if Levi figured out it was him, he wouldn’t deny it, but he would not go out of his way to make sure Levi knew he was the one behind the gift.

Historia had disappeared - no doubt to join the others in the backyard. Eren decided he’d join them himself and use the bathroom excuse if anyone asked where he’d been (they were told he’d been taken to visit an old friend for a bit).

Outside, Marco and Mikasa swung back and forth happily on the swings; Annie was, surprisingly, playing tug-a-war with Lucy; Petra and Historia were in the corner of the yard weeding the small flower bed; Levi was sitting in a chair on the patio with his nose in a book. He briefly glanced up toward Eren at his appearance and the brunet attempted a small smile, but to his misfortune, Levi had turned his attention back to his book before he could catch sight of it.

Stifling a sigh, Eren moved a ways from the door and sunk down onto the concrete to lean against the wall of the house. He pulled his knees up and rested his chin one one, gazing lazily out at the yard, paying attention to nothing in particular. Before he knew it, the line of shade provided by the awning had nearly reached just beyond his toes as the sun slid across the sky back toward its bed beneath the horizon. By then, Marco and Mikasa had claimed a spot on the other end of the patio to decorate with sidewalk chalk, Annie had disappeared inside, Historia had gone home, Petra watched Marco and Mikasa, Levi had nearly reached the end of his book, and Eren had lost the entire time to his all too deep thoughts.

“Alright, kids,” Petra announced just a moment after Eren had zoned back in. “I think it's time to go in and wash up so I can start dinner.”

Marco let out a small huff at her words while Mikasa automatically started organizing the chalk back into the plastic tub it belonged in. Eren pulled himself to his feet, Lucy jumping up after him from her place beneath the patio table, and Levi tucked his bookmark between the pages and stood. They all filed inside, Petra herding two chalk-dusted children toward the stairs for showers. Eren was the last inside and stopped just shy of the threshold in the sunroom as he watched Levi trail behind Petra, through the kitchen where he'd likely be going up to their room, and his heart lurched a bit in excitement.

A panting Lucy looked up at him from his side as if she was waiting for him to make a decision on where he wanted to go. He scratched briefly between her ears before tucking himself in the corner of the couch and retrieving the book he’d been working his way through. The canine laid faithfully by his side as he flipped to find the page he last left off on.

He’d only made it through a few pages and was just barely beginning to smell the beginnings of whatever Petra was preparing for dinner when the screen door to the rest of the house all but burst open. His head snapped up, startled, to find Levi in the doorway looking, for the first real time, directly into his eyes with a kind of confusion and skepticism plastered across his usually impassive face.

Eren had just managed to swallow and was getting ready to open his lips and form a question when Levi cut him off.

“You used your wish on me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and yeah, that's my shitty excuse for a chapter you had to wait nearly a month for, ha. again, i'm _so_ sorry, and i honestly can't promise when another chapter will be up because there's just so much to do seeing as my mom passed away a couple days ago, but i will do my best, and i hope y'all are still at least somewhat interested? can't blame you if you're not. but thanks for reading anyway, loves ♥


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, sorry about the wait again. Working on two stories at once is hard, lol, but I'm doing the best I can. Thanks for being so patient, guys ♥
> 
> [Here](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/379217231105276389/) is a visual on Eren's cat, though with darker eyes :3

Eren was temporarily dumbfounded in silence. How did Levi figure it out so quickly? He briefly wondered if he should lie about being the one behind the gift, but decided against it almost faster than he’d thought about it - he wasn’t particularly keen on the idea of getting caught up in a needless lie, and he’d already concluded not to deny it were Levi to put the pieces together.

“How’d you know it was me?” he asked after a moment.

Levi crossed his arms. “Please. You’re the only one who’s made any kind of effort to talk to me, and the only one who might know I play the violin is the one I share a room with.”

That was more words and personality Eren had seen out of him in a few seconds than he had in several weeks. Suppressing his surprise, he pressed his lips together. That meant Levi knew he’d snooped through his stuff. Guilt swelled in his stomach and he dipped his head.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Levi take a couple small, lazy steps forward. “Can't exactly be pissed if you used your damn wish on me,” he muttered. “Even though it makes zero sense.”

The brunet snuck a short glance up at the other. When their eyes caught, he found himself unable to look away. He drew in a silent, deep breath to buy himself time to come up with the right words. In truth, he wasn't entirely sure of that reason himself, but he owed Levi an explanation.

“If you're in a place like this...it means you've lost a lot. I know what that's like, and Petra is already letting me keep my cat…” He punctuated the sentence with a small shrug and directed part of his attention to scratching behind Lucy's ears.

The dark-headed boy relented, moving just a few more steps in and sinking to the floor several feet from Eren, crossing his legs but keeping his arms securely over his chest at the same time. He sized the boy up for a moment, any and all traces of skepticism and confusion wiped to revert his features back to their impassive state.

“You know nothing about me,” Levi said. The statement wasn't particularly bitter, but Eren internally cringed anyway. He was right, and Eren had no right to snoop through his things in the first place.

“I know,” Eren mumbled back.

“So what was the point?”

Eren ground his teeth together. “If you don't want it, I'll just take it back,” he muttered. “Save you the trouble…”

A thin brow lifted by a minuscule amount. “Trouble?”

“Of asking these questions that I have no answers to.”

That ended the conversation, but not what little of a ‘relationship’ the gesture sparked. It was odd at first, how much Eren wanted to talk to Levi more after that and, despite the way the conversation ended, how easily Levi seemed to accept it as if he felt the same way.

That same night, Eren finally mustered up the guts to whisper a ‘goodnight’ through the dark silence of their room.

“Night, kid.”

To that, Eren frowned. _Kid? He can't be that much older than me…_

Levi’s attempts to get answers about the violin out of Eren came in subtler attempts, but Eren saw right through most of them. They didn't speak often, but as the sunny, thunderstorm-y days of a couple weeks went by, their conversations became more frequent; Eren still found himself reluctant to speak, found the stone in his chest to be seemingly sharper on some days whereas on others, it almost seemed non-existent; he still refrained from speaking when he didn't have to. Aside from Petra, though (and of course Lucy), Levi was the one he was most comfortable around - not nearly comfortable enough to tell him a whole lot, although he could tell Levi was in the same boat.

After nearly two weeks since he bought the violin, Petra - sporting a beaming smile - found the two of them in the sunroom.

“I just got off the phone with Dr. Smith,” she informed them, particularly Eren, who immediately perked up. “He says your kitten is more than ready to be brought home.”

Eren's smile mirrored hers and he couldn't help jumping off the floor to hug her out of pure excitement. She laughed softly in his ear, gently returning the embrace, and as he was pulling away he realized it was the first genuine human contact he'd had in almost a year.

“How about tomorrow we run to get some supplies for her before we pick her up,” suggested the redhead. “Sound good?”

“Yeah,” he said, still beaming.

She reached up to ruffle his hair before crossing the threshold back into the rest of the house. Eren sunk back down next to Levi, automatically moving to scratch Lucy’s head.

“So you like animals, huh?” Levi asked in a casual tone. Eren bobbed his head. “Guess that explains why you don't eat meat.” The brunet shrugged.

“Can...I ask you something?” he said after a moment, wanting but hesitant to look the other in his slate gray eyes.

“Hm?” Levi grunted.

“Why...are you suddenly talking to me when you pretended like I didn't exist before…?”

He saw Levi shift slightly out of his peripheral vision, though his main focus was still on the dog.

“Hmph. After you wasted your wish on me, it's the least I could do.”

Eren's brows pulled together. “So you're just doing it because you feel obligated?”

“Guess you could put it that way…”

“Then don't.”

“Eh?”

Eren finally managed to peek up from under his lashes. Levi wore a mild look of bewilderment, one thin black brow slightly higher than the other. “If you're only talking to me because you feel an obligation...then don't. Only do it if you want to, or it's meaningless.” With that, his eyes flicked back down and he swallowed to clear his throat.

Levi was silent for a long moment, leaving the room to be filled with nothing but the soft sound of the wind and Lucy’s panting from lying in the sun. Eren felt the weight of that silence on his shoulders, hoping he hadn't made a mistake by saying that - he _wanted_ Levi to talk to him, wanted to be acknowledged by him and to have some friend in this place, but he didn't want it if it wasn't going to be entirely genuine. And he hated the toss-up.

“Let me meet your cat.”

The brunet’s head snapped up. “Huh?”

“Keep up here, kid. You asked if I wanted to meet your cat, and I do. I changed my mind.”

“But you'll meet her anyway…”

“I know, idiot. I mean let me meet her first or whatever. Let me go with you tomorrow.”

“A-are you sure…?”

Levi let out an irritated breath through his nose, rolling the ring in his lip a bit. “Yes,” he muttered.

Eren smiled.

~

_Pet’s Mart_ was one of Eren's favorite places in the world. He'd only been a few times, but he'd never forget gazing at the mice, hamsters, birds, ferrets, Guinea pigs, and fish for as long as he possibly could, wanting to take every single one of them home. But his first foster home didn't allow for pets and his adoptive parents continually said “maybe someday soon” any time he'd asked.

They followed one of the associates around toward the back corner where all the cat supplies were kept - crates, food, litter boxes, toys, brushes, absolutely anything to be thought of for taking care of the kitten. The dark-haired woman whose name tag read ‘Ilse’ walked them around the store asking questions Petra helpfully supplied answers to, and soon they blue wire cart was full of cat things.

“Seems like a lot more than a furry little runt would need,” Levi muttered as he walked in step beside Eren behind Petra. Eren sent him a look before trotting up to Petra's side.

“Are you sure this is okay?” he asked with a tight stomach. It was a lot, and he knew it wasn't going to be cheap.

The woman gave him a warm smile. “If it wasn't, we wouldn't be here.”

He nodded a little, glancing toward the cart full of items and back. “But I already used my wish, so…”

“I know, sweetie, but that was an act of selflessness. You still deserve something for yourself, and you've earned it. So don't worry too much about it, okay?”

Eren smiled himself. “Thank you.” But those two words wouldn't do the gratitude he carried for her justice.

He fell back into step beside Levi, mirroring him by putting his hands in his pockets.

“So does the little fur ball have a name?” asked the raven.

“Not yet,” Eren murmured, watching how the specks in the floor seemed to move as they walked back toward the front of the store to check out.

Once done, they piled the stuff in the trunk of the car and were off again toward the animal hospital, Eren harboring a giddy fluttering in his stomach. Just a few miles (and several annoying stoplights) later, they parked in front of the small brick building with the cat stickers across the front window. The car hadn’t even turned off before Eren was bounding from the cab and stumbling his way toward the door without a backwards glance.

“You must be Eren,” said the blonde lady behind the reception desk as Petra scrambled in after him, Levi in tow at his own leisurely pace with a somewhat annoyed subtle twist in his lips.

Eren nodded; the woman mirrored him, tapped at her keyboard a bit, and stood up to lead them into the back room they'd been in the past few times they visited the Siamese. She wasn't in the same cage near the door, however, but had been moved to a larger one to accommodate her _size_.

The kitten he remembered, a bit awkward and still flopping clumsily around her cage, was almost unrecognizable to him now. Though she still clearly had a bit of growing to do before she was at full, she was at least twice the size she'd been since the last time he'd seen her, and a good four or five times the size she was back in that dark, musty basement that haunted Eren's memories every now and then.

And she was _beautiful_ , with her face as if it had been dusted with charcoal, the very tips of her paws the same way, while the rest of her was completely white. The only thing remained the same were her eyes - big and dark and so blue it reminded him of the diamond necklace from _Titanic_ ;. She was clearly not fully Siamese, but whatever she was mixed with brought together a gorgeous feline.

Smiling, he knelt down to her cage without any invitation and offered his fingers through the bars. She immediately rose from her place from the corner and stalked over to him, not even bothering to sniff before pushing her soft, whiskered face against his knuckles in a gesture of pure affection. She knew him. It was as if she remembered the basement, too, when he'd held her close to keep her warm in hopes it would keep her alive, too. And it warmed his heart, knowing that. She was one little kitten, but to him she was _so much_. He was grateful. 

“Good afternoon,” greeted a deep voice from the right. Eren glanced up to find Dr. Smith striding into the small room, the door still swinging shut behind him. The doctor cast a smile to everyone in the room as he tucked a clipboard under his arm. Attention on Eren, he asked, “Would you like to hold her?” 

The kid felt his eyes widen in pure excitement; he felt like a little kid in a candy store. “Can I?” 

The tiniest flash of surprise crossed the vet’s features before he mumbled an ‘of course’ and was forwarding to the cage and kneeling down to twist the latch and pull the door open. The Siamese immediately squirmed her way through the opening and leaped right at Eren, who caught her with ease and held her gently to his chest. Her fur was like velvet beneath his fingers, her entire body warm and suddenly _vibrating_ as she began purring into the side of his neck. His cheeks were beginning to feel sore from smiling so much. 

“Do we have a name yet?” asked the doctor. Eren turned, pushing himself up as he shook his head a bit ruefully. “No worries,” continued Dr. Smith, “names are important. Just let us know when you've found the right one.” 

Eren nodded slowly, thoughtfully. His gaze skimmed over Dr. Smith’s, Petra's, and finally caught on Levi’s, whose were on him rather than the cat; he swallowed involuntarily at the odd look on Levi’s face. 

“What?” he asked softly, shifting his weight a bit to accommodate the cat curling into him, still happily purring. 

The raven shook his head minutely before his heavy stare cracked like glass and broke to the feline. Dr. Smith had just taken Petra aside to fill out paperwork, leaving the two in their own little bubble of awkward silence. Eren immediately dropped his eyes to the cat himself, scratching behind her ears and shifting her so her weight was more comfortable for his arms to bear. 

“Zoë.” 

“Wh-what?” stammered the brunet, eyes shooting back up. 

Levi shrugged nonchalantly as if what he'd said was no big deal, but his eyes portrayed differently. “It was just a suggestion,” he mumbled. “She looks like a Zoë.” 

At the sound of his voice, the feline ceased her squirming and nuzzling - though not her purring - to look over at its source with her black-tipped ears pointed straight up. Watching her, Eren couldn’t help smiling. 

“I think she likes it,” he said. 

His own voice brought the cat’s attention right back to him and she blinked slowly at him, a loving look in her eyes. 

“I like it, too,” he continued, scratching behind her ears a bit. “How’d you think of it?” 

Levi shrugged, maybe a little too quickly, before stating, “Just came to me.” 

“Well thanks.” He stepped toward the other. “D’you wanna hold her?” 

Levi’s jaw flexed, his adam’s apple bobbing. “No thanks.” 

“At least let her sniff you…” 

Gray eyes narrowed as his teeth fiddled absently with his lip ring. Eren’s eyes were shiny and pleading, and suddenly his fingers were in front of the cat’s nose, allowing her to catch his scent. She sniffed only for a moment before pushing her face gently against his fingers, causing a huge smile to break out across Eren’s face. 

“She likes you,” he said quietly. “If she likes you, we’ll definitely get along.” 

Levi’s narrow gaze cut back to Eren as his fingers rubbed at the cat’s soft head. The kid’s face, despite having gone through enough trauma to erase his voice for a while, was joyful and warm. His smile was inviting - almost like the bait of a fishing hook. It left an odd feeling in the pit of Levi’s stomach, and though it wasn’t bad, it was unfamiliar. 

Levi’s thoughts were cut short as Petra re-entered the room. “The paperwork is done,” she announced. “All that’s left on it is the space where her name goes, but Dr. Sm-” 

“Zoë,” Eren cut in. 

“That was quick,” Petra laughed lightly. 

"Levi came up with it.” 

“I think it’s perfect.” 

“Me too,” Eren said, still holding his smile as those perfectly round green irises met Levi’s eyes once more. 


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize in advance for the shitty quality of this chapter. I wrote it through writer's block, but I know that's not really a valid excuse. I also want to apologize for taking so long to write this chapter in the first place. I suck, and I'm sorry. >.

For the next several days, Eren spent the hour he was allowed on the computer researching ways to take care of a cat, all the while regretting not doing it sooner. It all seemed fairly simple, and thanks to her days in the hospital being trained by the people there, she adapted easily to her new litter box in the corner of Eren’s side of the closet - covered as not to get litter everywhere - and she quickly learned to keep her scratching to her posts rather than the carpet and furniture. Lucy, thankfully, welcomed her with a wagging, playful tail (though was clearly chagrined when Zoë wasn’t allowed to follow her outside).

The little Siamese slept comfortably beside Eren’s head on his pillow or curled up into his chest while he laid on his side, purring and keeping him warm until they both fell asleep. Most of the time when she wasn’t exploring the nooks and crannies of the house or playing with another member of the household, she remained faithfully by Eren’s side, earning mild teases about being ‘part dog’ from Levi, to which Eren rolled his eyes but smiled at anyway.

Zoë especially stuck near Eren the night he started to feel sick, not a week after she’d come home with them. His stomach had felt like it’d been constantly churning since lunch, though only did he feel the nausea hit when he laid down to sleep that night, not having said anything to anyone about it in hopes the feeling would go away. He laid curled up around her, trying to concentrate on the soothing vibrating of her constant purring as she attempted to help him feel better. Even with eyes squeezed shut and lying completely still, his head felt like it was constantly spinning or rocking back and forth as if he was on a boat and the waves were relentless…

 _Don’t throw up_ , he told himself over and over. _Just go to sleep. It’ll be gone when you wake up._

And sleep he finally managed to do, though it didn’t last long and his eyes were flying open as bile rose and assaulted his taste buds. He stumbled out of bed clumsily, as quickly as he could with his hand flying to cover his mouth. For the first time since living there he hated that the bathroom had to be on the complete opposite end of the hall. He nearly tripped over his own feet, tumbling in and accidentally knocking the door against the wall before falling to his knees and getting violently sick into the toilet, just barely making it.

Halfway through, he couldn't decide what was worse - the horrid feeling of nausea seemingly radiating through his entire body or the fact that he was probably waking everyone in the house up due to his unattractive heaving.

“Eren?” he heard from behind him once the heaving was no more than coughing and sputtering due to the foul taste. “Are you alright, hon?”

It was Petra’s voice; he wanted nothing more than to curl up and disappear, hating that he’d woken her up when tomorrow was such an important day for her.

He couldn’t respond as she leaned next to him, gently rubbing his back and brushing his hair from his face. The coughing had stopped and he was left with nothing but the aftertaste of everything he’d eaten that day mixed together.

“Eren, sweetie, how are you feeling?” she asked again. “Do you want some water?”

He only managed a small nod, leaning away from the contents of the toilet as he shakily reached up to flush it away. Despite having gotten rid of it all, he still felt pinching in his gut and an uneasiness behind his eyes.

“Mikasa, go get a bottle of water from the fridge, please?” Petra asked.

Horrified, Eren’s head snapped in the direction of the door to see Mikasa just walk away, leaving Marco alone in the doorway until Levi came into sight.

 _Oh god,_ he thought. _This is humiliating…_

“Marco, Levi, go back to bed. I’ll handle this,” Petra said, casting the two a smile.

“Is Eren okay?” Marco asked in a sleepy voice, his hair sticking up where he’d been sleeping on it.

“He just got sick, but he’ll be fine, hon. Go get your rest.”

Past a yawn, Marco mumbled an “okay” before shuffling back down the hall. A second later, Mikasa reappeared with a frosty water bottle from the fridge. Petra promptly twisted it open and handed it to Eren, who gradually sipped at it, grateful for the coolness slowly chasing away the burning of his esophagus.

“You too, Levi,” Petra urged softly.

With a slight frown that was barely there, Levi too disappeared from the doorway, but not before Eren managed to give him an apologetic glance, knowing he was the first he’d woken up in his haste to the bathroom. Mikasa followed him away.

Once Petra got Eren to his feet, water bottle still gripped tightly in hand, she began questioning him. “Is this something that just started?” He shook his head. “Hm. I thought you looked a little green after lunch...is this the first time you’ve thrown up?” He nodded. “Are you in any pain?” she asked, reaching up to feel his forehead with the back of his hand.

Another small nod. “My head...and my stomach especially. And I’m nauseous…”

The redhead hummed in thought. “I’m gonna take your temperature,” she said, turning to retrieve a thermometer from the cabinet above the sink. She pulled the plastic container open and made sure it was clean. He cooperated as she moved to place it in his ear and waited for the beep before checking the screen for confirmation of what she already suspected. “Exactly a hundred degrees,” she murmured. “I think you might have food poisoning.”

The brunet felt his eyes get wide as he downed another gulp of water. “What does that mean?” he asked in a hushed tone.

“It means you ate some contaminated food,” she explained calmly. “It’s alright, though. It’s nothing serious, but you’re going to feel nauseous and have a stomach ache for a few days. You’ll probably throw up again and maybe have some diarrhea.” She gave him a regretful look. “We’ll have to be sure to keep you hydrated.”

Obediently, he took another drink of water just as he felt something soft brush up against his leg. Looking down, he found Zoë to be rubbing her face against him and curling her tail around his leg, purring.

Smiling a bit at the interaction, Petra continued, “You should get back to bed, hon. You’ll need all the rest you can get to get better.”

Eren grimaced at the thought of having to sprint out of bed again and wake Levi.

“Is it okay if I sleep in the sunroom?” he asked, chewing his lip and wrapping an arm around his abdomen.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna go back to your bed?”

“Yeah...don’t wanna disturb Levi or anyone else again.”

“Alright. I’ll have Lucy join you, then. Head on down there and I’ll bring you a few things.”

“‘Kay…”

Cat at his heels, Eren made his slow way down to the sunroom. The more he moved, the worse he felt. Nausea seemed to swirl throughout his whole body accompanied by the aching of his stomach and he kept his lip between his teeth to hold back throwing up again. Unfortunately, the only bathroom on the first floor was off of the living room which was on the opposite side of the house, but he still preferred the sunroom to his and Levi’s for a reason he couldn’t really pinpoint.

Petra was down a minute later with the pillow from his bed a large quilt he’d never seen before, and a plastic bucket with Lucy not far behind. He took the pillow and situated it into the corner of the couch as Petra set the bucket on the floor near his head and unfolded the quilt to drape across his body. He felt like a child being tucked into bed, bringing forth the memory of loving hands sporting two rings, one silver and one gold, and a warm pair of lips to kiss his forehead goodnight.

“Will you be alright down here?” Petra asked as Zoë jumped up onto the couch alongside him and curled up against his chest.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come get me, alright?” she asked, walking back toward the door, eyes still in his direction. “But it looks like you’re in good company,” she tacked on with a smile, nodding toward the cat on his chest and the dog on the floor against the couch.

Eren only managed a tiny smile in response. She was halfway through the door when he made the snap decision to call out, “Petra?”

“Hm?”

“Sorry for waking you…”

“It’s not your fault, sweetheart. Just try and get some rest and feel better in the morning.”

After he heard the door shut again, Eren averted his attention up to the stars concealed only by a few wispy clouds. There was no moon, but the simple sight of the night sky he loved so much and the purring cat comforted him enough to drift to sleep.

~

“Morning, Eren. How’re you feeling?” Petra was asking as she stepped into the sunroom to Eren, sitting up with his arms wrapped around himself. He only shook his head.

The nausea was even worse than last night; he continuously felt as if he was going to puke again but nothing came up, and any trips to the bathroom had been fruitless.

Frowning with concern, she took a seat in front of him. “Let me check your temperature again,” she said softly, opening the thermometer he hadn’t noticed she carried. “Hmm...it really hasn’t changed,” she said thoughtfully. “Do you feel any better at all?”

“Worse,” he muttered.

“I wonder what it is you ate that made you sick,” she mused.

Eren wasn’t so much worried about that. Apart from the horrible feeling churning relentlessly in his stomach and the spinning of his head, he was concerned about only one thing.

“Is this gonna stop you from picking Oluo up at the airport?”

Petra sighed, tucking the thermometer in the pocket of her robe. “I don’t know, hon. I’ll work something out, though, and I won’t make you go if you’re not feeling up to it.”

“I don’t want to stop you...or anyone else…”

A smile manifested on Petra’s delicate features, but the gesture didn’t touch her eyes. “If anything I’ll see if Historia’s available to come stay with you while we go. Don’t worry about it. You just worry about drinking lots of water and resting.” She ruffled his hair and stood up to exit the room.

On top of the nausea and everything else, Eren felt overwhelmingly guilty as he watched Petra scurry around the house to get everyone ready and attempt to find a solution to the issue. Everyone excluding Levi - even Annie - was fairly adamant about joining Petra to pick up Oluo.

Historia wasn’t answering her phone, and when Annie came back from attempting to contact her in person, she reported there to be no one home, leaving Petra at a total loss.

“I can just stay here myself,” Eren attempted to offer, but he hadn’t even completed the sentence before Petra was shaking her head, telling him there was absolutely no way she could or would leave him alone while he was so sick.

And in the midst of it all, he’d thrown up twice, and absolutely nothing Petra offered to feed him seemed remotely appetizing. He continued to sip at water with his throat burning and his stomach feeling like it was constantly turning itself inside out and back, and then inside out and back constantly. All the commotion made him even dizzier…

It was clear Petra was ready to completely give up and have Oluo call a cab instead (although she’d made it clear they couldn’t really afford it) when Levi spoke up.

“What if I stayed with him?” he asked from his place casually leaning against the wall in the kitchen. Eren just barely heard the offer from his spot in the curve of the couch on the floor, wrapped in a blanket with a cup and a straw between his hands, wallowing in his immense amount of guilt.

“I can’t ask you to do that, Levi. It’s not your responsibility…”

“It’s nothing. It's not like he’s a baby, and I’m not a fan of crowded cars anyway.”

A pause, and then, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

“Okay...okay, that could work. I’ll give you Annie’s cell phone to keep in touch just in case, and…”

Eren pulled his knees closer to himself and pressed his head down into them.

_Oh god._

~

Not ten minutes later, the front door swung shut behind them and the car pulled out of the driveway, leaving Eren, Levi, a cat, and a dog behind.

Eren hadn’t moved from his spot in front of the couch. Petra had told him the situation and left them both with instructions they were sure they wouldn't need before promising to hurry and herding the other three out the door. He had his head buried in his hands ever since.

“Your vibes are loud, you know that?” Levi was asking. He was sat on the end of the couch in front of Eren, one leg crossed over the other while his hands rested in the pocket of a hoodie. How he wore that thing while summer was headed in full speed, Eren would never be able to fathom. (Then again, he was the one bundled in a blanket, though he had a valid excuse.)

“What?” Eren mumbled.

“Your guilt,” Levi clarified. “I can practically smell it.”

“Oh.” Eren swallowed. “Sorry.”

“You’re not used to it, are you? Having someone care about you the way Petra does...like a mother would.”

Eren couldn’t stop his flinch. “No...not anymore, anyway…”

He thought he heard a huff from Levi’s nose, but he couldn’t be sure. Neither of them said anything for a long while, and eventually Levi stood up and disappeared back into the main part of the house. When Eren heard his footsteps on the stairs, he let out a small, disappointed sigh and curled in further on himself, settling in to try and fruitlessly will the nausea away. He’d just found a (moderately) comfortable position when the screen door opened and Levi stepped back through, violin case in hand. Eren lifted his head, brows raised in bewilderment.

Neither male said a word as the dark-haired teen sunk to the carpet just a few feet from Eren, crossing his legs and placing the instrument between them. Quickly, he unlatched the case and lifted it open, revealing the sleek-looking violin resting in its velvet interior. He took no time in lifting the bow from its own snug place in the lid and twisting the metal part on the end, causing the hair to tighten and lift away from the stick. He then plucked the small box from its spot and slid a wooden rectangular piece from the cardboard, revealing an odd black, scratched surface, which he promptly ran up and down the strings of the bow, quick and precise. After setting the box labeled ‘rosin’ (something Eren still didn’t completely understand the purpose of, but was happy to know more about what it was used for) back in its own compartment, Levi kept the bow in his right hand while his left wrapped around the neck of the instrument and lifted it soundlessly from the case.

Eren’s curiosity got the best of him. “Wha...what are you doing?” he stammered as Levi was about to lift the instrument to his shoulder.

“Playing you a song,” stated the other. “What does it look like?”

Eren's brow pulled together in utter bewilderment. “You don’t have to do that…” he mumbled. “But...why?”

Levi lowered his violin, looking directly into Eren’s eyes. “Because after your ever-so noble wasting of a gift on this, it’s the least I could do.”

“It wasn’t a waste,” Eren countered almost immediately. “It was something you wanted.”

“There is no way you could have known that for sure.”

Eren’s eyes dropped. Levi was right; he really had only taken a guess, and he wanted to do something for Levi for his own selfish reasons on top of simply wanting to do something nice for someone he thought he could identify with.

“If you don’t want me to play, I won’t,” Levi muttered. “And I’ll leave you alone to sit and focus on not puking instead.” When Eren still said nothing, Levi sighed, annoyed. “Do you want to hear something or not?”

Pressing his lips together, the younger looked back up. He couldn’t help but be curious about Levi’s playing abilities, so he gave a small nod. Levi rolled his eyes, muttering something Eren didn’t quite catch, and placed the violin back on his shoulder, tucking his jaw neatly against the rest latched to the side. Just as he lifted the bow to start playing, placing the fingers of his left hand in the correct position, Zoë hopped up into Eren’s lap and settled in to watch as well.

There was a beat of silence - not a breath, not even the faint whisper of a breeze outside - before he drew the bow across the strings. The tune started out slow, but Eren was immediately captivated. He could feel something in the song - what it was, he couldn’t be entirely sure, but it was unmistakably there. Levi’s fingers danced delicately yet flawlessly over the strings, his arm pulling the bow back and forth across them to elicit such a unique song from the sleek black violin. His face was more serene than Eren, in all honesty, ever thought it could be, with his eyes closed and his brow relaxed. He leaned with the motion of the bow ever so slightly with his back pin straight. And it all looked so absolutely _natural_.

By the time the song came to a soft close, Eren’s nausea was little more than an afterthought. He was rendered utterly speechless; all he could think of was the sound of the song, replaying what he remembered over and over in his head.

“What?” Levi asked skeptically, lowering the violin into his lap.

Eren absently reached for his water. “What do you mean?” he mumbled, wrapping his hands around the cold bottle and averting his gaze.

“What’s that smile for?”

The brunet felt heat creep up to his ears and he suddenly realized that he was, indeed smiling, if only a little.

“Nothing,” he mumbled quickly. “You’re...good,” he said lamely, feeling his shoulders droop, wishing he could pull forth better words to describe Levi’s playing. “What song was that?”

“Thanks...and it’s untitled at the moment,” Levi responded, also feeling moderately awkward and preoccupying himself with gently plucking at the strings with the tips of his fingers.

“Oh. You wrote it.” Levi hummed in affirmation. Eren cleared his throat, took a small sip of his water and scratched behind the cat’s ears. “Will you play it again?” He snuck a glance up at the other, whose brows lifted fractionally.

“Sure,” he said. “Or I can play something else.”

Eren felt his smile return. “Anything you want,” he said. “I like it.”

Levi’s eyes stuck on Eren’s for only a second before he went back to focusing on his instrument, but in that second Eren swore he saw some form of joy in those somber irises.

The remainder of the morning was spent with the two of them in the sunroom with Lucy and Zoë, Levi playing on and off and mildly tutoring Eren about the instrument, idle conversations mixed in. It was a perfect distraction from the uneasy feeling throughout Eren’s entire body, but eventually it caught up with him again and their peaceful bubble was popped when he found himself having to fumble for the bucket and throw up again.

Petra, Oluo, and the others showed up not long after; Eren had never been more embarrassed to meet someone in his life, pale and sweaty and shaking, feeling like his stomach was trying to turn itself inside out. Still, Petra’s husband was gracious about it and Eren immediately decided he liked him. He also didn’t miss that extra sparkle in Petra’s eyes now that her husband was home, although it was - unfortunately - for an indefinite length of time.

That night, Eren decided to sleep in the sunroom again with Zoë curled up beside his head. He was just in the twilight stage of drifting to sleep when the quiet creaking of the door yanked him back to consciousness and his eyes flew open. A dark figure was stepping onto the carpet of the room and gently shutting the door, the unmistakable shape of a pillow tucked beneath an arm. It stepped into the dull light shining in from outside in time for Eren to see it was Levi before he sat up defensively.

“Levi?” he whispered. “What's going on?”

“Nothing,” the other answered at full volume, moving to the other half of the couch and laying his pillow at the end. “I’m keeping you company,” he stated bluntly.

“Why?” Eren asked, perplexed as he watched the other sit and lay back without bothering to cover himself.

“I had food poisoning a couple years ago,” elaborated the shorter, “so I know how nights suck, and how shitty it feels to be alone.”

Eren blinked once. Twice. Snuggled himself back against his pillow, all the while keeping eyes on the black mass that was Levi. “Are you sure?”

“Just go to sleep, kid,” Levi grumbled, ending the conversation.

And Eren was completely unaware of the tiny smile he sported when he finally did slip into peaceful rest.


	8. VIII

_“Levi?”_

“What?”

“Oh, you’re still awake?” Eren whispered into the dark of their room, only an hour or so after they’d settled in for the night.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna go down to the sunroom with me?”

“For what?”

“I dunno…”

A beat of silence.

“Wanna make a blanket fort?”

Levi rolled onto his left side to see the kid better; his eyes were virtually the only thing visible in the dark room like they were lights of their own.

“What, are you five?”

“No…” He blinked, waiting for a response. When he didn’t get one, he sat up, cradling Zoë in his arms. “I’ll just go by myself, then,” he said, sliding out of bed and heading toward the door.

Sighing, Levi scrambled after him. “Wait.”

“What?” Eren didn’t so much as turn around as he headed toward the stairs.

“You’re gonna get in trouble, idiot,” Levi hissed, stopping at the top of the steps as Eren descended, seemingly without a care in the world.

“Petra won’t mind,” he said, “as long as I clean up after myself and don’t break anything.”

“Jesus…” Levi muttered, following him down the stairs. “Why not let the kid have the sunroom and give me my own room?” he muttered to himself as he heard the screen door separating the kitchen and sunroom open. He managed to catch it before it swung shut as Eren flicked the lamp in the corner on, letting Zoë hop down onto the touch with her tail held high.

“It’s almost midnight,” Levi muttered, crossing his arms. “What’s the point of this?”

“For fun,” Eren answered simply.

With that, he went for the dining room and began carrying the chairs into the sunroom one by one, positioning them to face the walls in odd positions before he wandered to the front closet to scout out a blanket big enough to reach across them. Once he’d found one - and several others - he carried them all in a giant pile back to the room and dumped them onto the couch. He then searched about the kitchen until he found an open box of zip ties. Levi merely watched with skeptical eyes the whole time.

“Are you gonna help?” Eren asked as he was unfolding the biggest of the blankets - a navy blue comforter that must’ve been a spare for Petra and Oluo’s bed, clearly king sized.

After a moment of watching Eren struggle to keep a corner of the blanket on the chair and secure it with the zip tie at the same time, Levi sighed in defeat and moved in to help. It took only a few minutes for the two of them to spread the comforter over the chairs and secure them, and then drape a few of the other, smaller throw blankets over the sides to make it more of a fort. In the end, Eren’s smile was small but proud as he knelt down in front of what he’d dubbed the ‘door’ and put the extra blankets and pillows from the couch inside before crawling in, the cat right behind him.

“C’mon, Levi,” he coaxed from the inside.

The raven shook his head, moving to the end table where the lit lamp sat and fished in the drawer for a flashlight. Once found, he flicked the lamp off and the flashlight on before following Eren inside.

The other grinned at him as he settled in, and Levi couldn’t help but suddenly notice that in every one of that boy’s smiles, there was something empty. Something broken. But he pushed the thought aside and found a decent spot to set the flashlight so it’d provide light but not blind either of them in the process.

In the silence, Eren busied himself with spreading out a few of the blankets with a little help from Levi, who couldn’t help but notice they were suddenly plunged into a bubble of quiet once again. That was something he’d noticed with the kid ever since he started speaking again - he’d seem fine for a while, speaking and going about his day as if nothing was wrong, and then suddenly wouldn’t say a word for hours; his silence was usually accompanied by a blank look on his face and something akin to depression pooling in his irises, like he was realizing the reality of his situation all over again.

The two of them sat there for a while in their own silence, and though it was expected to be, it wasn’t awkward. In fact, it was oddly comfortable, being in the company of one another with nothing but the normal noises of the house sounding around them, Zoë curled up and purring against Eren’s leg.

“How long have you been here?” Levi found himself asking.

“Here?” Eren hushed, confused.

“In this house. Living here.”

The kid’s eyes dropped to his lap. “About a month longer than you.”

“Where’d you come from?”

By Eren’s slight flinch, Levi knew he’d hit a nerve. He almost immediately regretted his question and was about to apologize when Eren spoke up. “Why?”

Levi shrugged, picking at the frayed edge of one of the blankets. “I figure you must’ve come from somewhere pretty shitty if you went mute for as long as you did. But I guess I’m curious more than anything.”

Eren pressed his lips together. He wanted to say Levi had no idea, but the sheer fact of Levi being there as well said that might not have been entirely true. He didn’t want to answer the question, but at the same time the truth was fighting to be let out.

“You don’t have to tell me, you know,” Levi said. “It was just a question.”

“I had adoptive parents,” Eren stated, his tone just barely above a whisper. “But...they were alcoholics...so…”

“Right. One of those.”

Despite there being so much more to the story, Eren could only nod. He wasn’t ready to let it all out yet, and suddenly that sharpness in his chest was back and he gritted his teeth.

“What about you?” he asked after a minute.

“What?”

“It’s only fair…”

Levi sighed, lying back and folding his arms behind his head to stare at the ceiling of their little fort. “Before this I was in an orphanage,” he muttered. “And I swear the place was dropped right out of the nineteenth century or someshit.”

Eren too, lied down, curling up around his cat and facing Levi. “Really?”

“It sucked, to put it simply. Didn’t pass a health inspection, so everyone was distributed to different foster homes. Dunno how I ended up in this one, though.” His narrow eyes slid shut. “Whatever, I guess.”

“What about your parents?” Eren was all-too curious now, his own crappy story suddenly forgotten for a moment.

Levi’s brow furrowed. “Prison,” was all he said.

“Oh.” Eren tucked his head, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“Yours?”

A flash of a warm smile he’d never forget came forward behind Eren’s eyelids. “My mom died when I was seven,” he said. The stone in his chest sharpened; his eyes pricked with tears he was desperate to fight back.

Levi’s eyes opened again, his head turning to the boy to find him slightly shaking. He turned onto his side as well. “And your dad?”

“I never knew him.”

“Tell me about your mom, then.”

Eren came out of his shell a bit, frowning in confusion. “Why do you want to know?”

“Curiosity again, I guess.”

“...oh.” Eren swallowed, knowing there was no way he could begin to describe his mother without making himself sad, or in a way that could do her justice.

After a moment of silence, Levi said, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I mean...she was a normal mom,” Eren murmured, running his hand down Zoë’s back. “She was nice. Made me snacks after school and read to me at night. She worked a lot...and she was tired a lot. She was there for me any time I needed her. And I remember she used to cry at night, but she’d try her hardest to be silent so I wouldn't hear, but I did anyway. I don’t know why, either.” He swallowed considerably hard.

“Mind if I ask how she went?”

“Suicide.” The word was out before Eren could stop it, and once it was, he clamped his teeth around the sudden bitter flavor in his mouth.

Levi couldn’t hide his surprise, though it was quickly concealed again by an impassive mask. “Damn,” he muttered.

Eren sat himself up, half-shrugging. He could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes and the heat behind them as he did his very best to hold them back. He hadn’t spoken of his mother in years, and it was almost unfathomable how he’d opened up all of the sudden - whether it was because he trusted Levi for an unknown reason, or simply because it was something he’d needed to get off his chest, something that had been piling up for over a decade. But he couldn’t help but feel it was the former; after speaking about her, sharing what little of her story he did, he felt anything but better.

“Have you visited her grave?”

Eren gave him a puzzled look before the meaning of the question registered. “Well...no,” he murmured, pulling his knees up. “Not since I was in my first foster home.”

“Why?”

The brunette shrugged once more. “Not really sure. But it’s too far away now, anyway…”

“So then…”

“What?” The brunet rested his head on his knees sideways to meet Levi’s narrow gaze.

“Why didn’t you use your wish on going to visit her instead of me?”

Eren felt himself stiffen a bit. “I…” He swallowed hard, feeling almost like he was being interrogated. “I don’t know…”

Levi’s right brow twitched upward, the ring in his lip rotating just slightly and catching the light, glinting for a split second. “Did you not think of it?”

“No...it’s just…” Eren turned his head away. “I did...but only a little. I didn’t think Petra would let me because it’s far...and I guess I wanted to use it to help someone else.”

“Hmph. Your selflessness baffles me.”

Eren could only shrug as he laid back down, facing away from the other, not wanting to talk about any of this anymore. Zoë curled up next to his head, the end of her tail flicking, eyes shutting. “We should get to sleep,” Eren murmured, closing his own eyes. The dark red he saw behind his eyelids flicked to black as Levi turned the flashlight off.

“...Night, Levi,” Eren whispered after a moment of quiet.

“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a poor excuse for a chapter, and it's short, and I'm sorry. For some reason I just haven't really had the motivation to work on this lately... >.


	9. IX

Petra was amused and more than a little thrilled when she found the blanket fort the next morning, the two boys still inside and sound asleep with the cat curled up between them. Lucy almost immediately tore into the little space, excited to wake them up and bringing one of the smaller throw blankets with her in the process. Eren jerked awake with a start just before a wet tongue met his face, startling him fully into consciousness.

In the end, Petra had them tear down their fort (which was already mostly destroyed by the dog, anyway) and put everything back where they’d found it, but never saying they couldn’t do it again. In fact, she’d pulled Eren aside and told him she was glad he seemed to be making a friend, glad that he and Levi were getting along so well. He, however, neglected to tell her Levi only initially followed to try and keep him out of trouble.

~

“How do you feel about this whole amusement park thing?” Levi asked Eren about a week later while they were squished in the very back of Oluo’s van on their way to one at that moment.

Eren shrugged lightly. “Never been to one,” he admitted. “Why?”

Levi shrugged back, averting his gaze to the passing highway out the window. “No reason,” he said.

“You’re not excited?”

“Eh,” Levi sighed, folding his arms over his chest. “Not a huge fan.”

“Will you at least ride one thing with me?” Eren asked, shifting his own weight. His legs were cramped between the seat in front of him and himself - not an overly comfortable position, evidently.

“I’ll think about it.”

The amusement park was Oluo’s treat to them for having been gone so long. Mikasa and Marco had been thrilled while Annie, as usual, was pretty much indifferent. Eren hadn’t missed the slight grimace from Levi once they found out where they were going, but he hadn’t said anything until that moment.

Levi shifted again a few miles down, sighing irritably. “How did the two tallest of us get stuck in the very back?” he muttered, scowling down at his knees.

Eren chuckled a bit. “You’re not _that_ tall,” he teased lightheartedly. “At least, for your age.”

“Tch. Do you even know how old I am?”

“Well...no…”

“Hmph. Besides, _you_ at least are the tallest.”

Eren shrugged, a way of saying he didn’t much mind. For some reason, he’d always liked the very back of the car; it’d been the same with the school bus. He hadn’t volunteered for the seat, but once Petra asked him if he minded, he couldn’t help but say no. How Levi ended up beside him was a mystery, however.

Levi and Annie were neck-and-neck for being tallest second only to him, and it was clear Marco and Mikasa would’ve fit better in the back, yet somehow they’d still ended up squished up against the back of the seat in front of them, occupied by the three others behind Oluo, who was driving, and Petra in the passenger seat.

“So...can I ask how old you are?” Eren asked.

Levi’s head swiveled from the window toward Eren. “Seventeen.”

A frown tugged at Eren’s brows, even the corners of his lips just a bit. “But that means-”

“Yeah.” His head turned back, his arms tightening a bit. “It means I’ll be legal soon, which means I’ll have to start supporting myself, and eventually move out on my own whether I’m ready or not.”

“You really think Petra will make you do all of that…?”

A shrug. “It’s not so much Petra as it is the law or whatever,” he muttered under his breath; Eren had to strain to hear him over the sound of the highway and other conversations taking place in the car. “The foster system won’t support a legal adult for long.”

Eren casted his eyes down to his lap where his hands rested, thumbs twiddling in absence of a certain feline. “Oh,” was all he could think to say.

The simple topic brought up a whole new slew of unanswered questions about Levi’s life and where he’d come from. So much of him still seemed a mystery to Eren and, oddly enough for him, he had a thirst to get to know him.

~

The amusement park seemed _huge_ , even from the outside in the parking lot. Everyone scurried out, Marco and Mikasa already chattering excitedly about the rides they saw and planned to ride. They bounced impatiently in the line to pay admission, and once they’d gotten their wristbands, were already running into the park toward the ride, Oluo calling and running clumsily after.

“You three are allowed to go where you like,” Petra told them as they followed her in the same path. She fished out a few ten dollar bills. “This is for food only, okay? The wristbands will get you twenty coins to play in the arcade, too, so make sure you _don’t_ spend the money on any more,” she explained as she distributed the money, which the three of them pocketed. “Annie will be in contact with us at all times, but if you get separated, you two-” she looked pointedly to Eren and Levi “-will have to keep track of time with the clocks around the park. We meet up back here at 4:30 sharp, okay? No later.”

They all nodded their agreement and Petra scurried off to find her husband and the other two. Eren was just turning to Annie to find out what she wanted to do to find the blonde already walking off without a word.

“I guess it’s just you and me, then,” Eren said to Levi who nodded once and started forward. “What do you wanna do?” he asked, following.

“Dunno,” Levi said. “You?”

“Roller coaster,” Eren answered automatically, to which the other groaned. “Aw, c’mon, you said you’d ride at least one thing with me.”

“No, I said I’d think about it,” Levi corrected.

“Please?” Eren practically begged. “It doesn't have to be a roller coaster if you’re really against it.”

Levi hummed lowly - not really an answer either way, and they continued walking. The park was filled with the shrill sounds of kids screaming and the rattling of rides among people talking and eating. It wasn’t _super_ crowded, to Eren’s relief, but there were more little kids than he could keep up with, tugging their families along towards different attractions.

After a few minutes, Eren felt Levi wasn’t going to answer and started accepting the fact that he’d have to ride everything alone.

“Alright,” Levi said as Eren was about to speak up. “I’ll ride something with you. Just not that,” he said, nodding in the direction of the merry-go-round.

“Deal,” Eren said, smiling widely.

After the first ride, Levi decided the adrenaline rush was worth being whipped around on some ‘hunk of metal’, as he so put it, and they spent the day walking around the park and trying everything they could that looked fun. Eren was surprised to find Levi seemingly enjoying himself as much as he did, and it only made him enjoy himself that much more.

When 3 o’clock rolled around, they found themselves in the arcade after eating, purchasing coins to play. The man behind the counter scanned their wristbands, handed them the little baggies of coins, and sent them on their way. Levi avoided the driving games and Whack-A-Mole and went straight for Pinball, spending all of his coins at the one game. And Eren was so content watching him and talking that he handed over his own coins to let him continue playing, their peace only disturbed by a flushed Petra striding quickly into the building and asking the man behind the counter if he’d seen two teenage boys before proceeding to describe them.

“Petra?” Eren asked halfway through her description.

“Oh,” she breathed, turning around. “There you two are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere. We’re leaving.”

“What, why? It’s only quarter to four…”

“I’ll explain on the way to the car,” she said. She thanked the man and waved them along and started back across the park.

“What happened?” Levi asked.

“Annie,” Petra huffed. “She stole something from one of the prize stands. The cashier came after her and caught her.”

“What? Seriously?” Eren asked.

“I’m sorry she ruined it for everyone, hon, but we’ve gotta go.”

Eren spared Levi a glance, who shrugged almost indifferently.

And suddenly Eren was wondering about _Annie’s_ past - what landed her in Petra’s foster home, who took in kids with more troubled cases, and why she would steal something. He suddenly realized he knew next to nothing about his foster siblings at all…

~

Annie had her phone taken away for an indefinite amount of time, was sentenced to doing dishes after every meal every day for two weeks straight, and Eren had overheard something about taking her to see a discipline counselor.

It was a tense couple of days, especially after Petra had gathered everyone else into the dining room for a lecture on why stealing, or any other crime, was bad - something the older two were more than a little irritated with, especially Levi, but put up with anyway.

And a few days after that, Levi practically came storming into their bedroom, a tornado of annoyance as he flopped against his pillows.

“Wh-what's the matter?” Eren asked quietly from his place on his own bed, a book in his hand and a cat in his lap.

“Fucking Annie,” Levi muttered.

“Huh?”

“Her little adventure last week ruined my plans,” he sighed, letting his head fall back to stare blankly at the ceiling.

“What plans?” Eren set his book down and angled himself toward Levi, all too curious now.

“I was gonna use my wish,” Levi started crossing his arms. “I was gonna use it to take you to visit your mom, but apparently Petra doesn't trust anyone to do anything since Annie’s shitty little incident, so she’s not letting us go.”

Eren’s insides seemed to liquefy instantly at this news. His hand stilled halfway down Zoë’s back, his unblinking eyes staring straight at Levi’s knees, dumbfounded.

“You...were…”

It was like he’d momentarily forgotten how to speak. He swallowed, eyes trailing slowly to Levi’s face, which hadn’t changed but his eyes were cut to the left, resting directly on Eren’s face.

“I-I...didn’t ask you...to…”

“I didn't ask you to get me a violin either, but…” He gestured to the corner beside the closet, where the violin leaned against the wall in its case.

“Levi…”

“Hmph. Don’t go getting mushy on me. It’s not like we’re going or anyth-”

Suddenly Levi found himself being enveloped by Eren’s soft embrace. The kid had dived into his bed and hugged him tight around the shoulders, taking the older teen completely off guard.

“E-Eren...what the...what are you doing?” he mumbled, embarrassed and unsure what to do with his hands.

“Thank you,” Eren murmured into his ear. “ _Thank you_.”

“Kid...like I said…we can’t go…”

“I know. But you were prepared to do that for me when you didn’t have to. That in itself means a lot.”

A hand lifted to gently pat Eren on the back. He smelled good, Levi realized, and he couldn’t deny the elevated thudding of his heart - not that he’d ever admit it _was_ sped up. He swallowed hard.

“It was just so we’d be even…” he muttered, immediately realizing it was half a lie.

“Either way.” Eren finally pulled back, revealing the bright yet mildly sad smile he sported. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Levi snorted. “Guess I’ll have to find some other useless shit to use my wish on…”

~

That night, Levi faced away from his roommate, curled up around one of his pillows, listening to Eren’s light breathing and wondering why he couldn't seem get the sensation of the kid’s warmth and softness out of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weak-ass ending, I know, but it was late and I wanted to get this out tbh. Sorry the updates on this are so slow Dx


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucks. I'm sorry.

The next several days were dull. Levi and Eren spent them trying to find ways to fill their time when school wasn’t in session. Petra was tense after what had happened with Annie, and it seemed she didn’t particularly trust anyone, and thus it felt like they were all on house arrest along with the girl, who held an annoyed scowl on her face more often than not.

Currently, Eren, Levi, Mikasa, and Marco sat in the living room. Marco was busy exercising his thumbs on a controller while the others watched, bored and mildly irritated. Other than the sounds from the television (which Petra made them lower) and the clicking of the buttons as the boy smashed his thumbs into them, it was quiet..

After six losses on a boss battle, Marco sighed and tossed the controller onto the floor in defeat, mumbling an “I give up…”

“Can I try?” Eren found himself asking.

The younger boy turned around, brows raised. “You think you can beat it?”

“Maybe...if you show me the controls.”

“Okay,” he agreed as Eren moved down onto the floor beside him. He tapped the buttons in a mini-tutorial of how it worked before handing the device off to Eren and settling in to watch.

Eren spent the next hour attempting to beat the same part, finally understanding the burning frustration Marco seemed to portray when he was unable to win. But Eren was stubborn and determined, and an hour and a half and two sore thumbs later, he finally declared victory, celebrating with a shout that had everyone but Marco flinching in surprise because he was celebrating, too, and thanking Eren over and over.

“Well,” Levi stated after he and Eren retreated to the sunroom for some quiet, “that was a good waste of two hours.”

Eren shrugged. “It was fun,” was all he said.

“Hm. I didn’t know you could be so loud,” mused the other, something of a spark in his eye as he stared out across the back yard.

“I didn’t either,” Eren admitted sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. He sunk down onto the couch with a small sigh, realizing they were once again at a loss for what to do. Quiet settled over, Eren fiddling with a rough spot on the edge of his thumbnail.

“Levi?” Eren murmured after a while, breaking the older out of his thoughts.

“Mm?”

“When’s your birthday?” he asked.

Eren could’ve sworn he saw Levi stiffen just a bit, his Adam’s apple bobbing just a bit in a small swallow. “Why do you wanna know?”

“Because...you said you’d have to be out on your own when you turn 18. I just wanted to know how long it is until then…”

Levi pivoted and moved to plop onto the couch next to the brunette without crossing his arms. “Petra has me looking at colleges,” he said. “Supposedly if I can become a full-time student, she’s still allowed to support me until I get on my feet with a job and a place of my own.”

“But?” Eren could feel it hanging off the end of the.

“But paying for one is the problem. Which means moving out right after my eighteenth.”

“Which is when?”

“December.”

Eren felt himself swallow hard. December. It wasn’t horrible, but it gave them just under half a year.

_Us_ , Eren thought, mentally rolling his eyes at himself, _like I’m part of it, too...right._

“She said it’d be ideal to find a college with a dorm and do a work study,” Levi explained, tilting his head back to gaze at the clouds rolling by. “It’d get me started, at least.”

“If...if you went, when?”

“September.”

And that shortened the time by half. Suddenly, disappointment was seeping through Eren’s veins; he could feel the weight of it causing his heart to sink into his stomach and tighten his throat.

_Why do I care so much…?_

Because Levi was his first friend there, he concluded immediately. Because Levi was his _only_ friend there, and when he was gone, he’d be alone once more.

And yet he couldn’t deny the fact that _Levi_ being gone tore at his heart more than his selfish reason for being alone once he was gone did. It was because it was _Levi_ , because he’d have to deal with losing yet another friend because of distance, and it was a confusing thought as much as it was a disheartening one.

~

“Hey, kid. About time you show those bright eyes of yours again.”

Eren was peeling his dry lids open to find Levi perched on the edge of his bed just a few feet away. He hadn’t noticed he’d fallen asleep until he was waking up again, a bit disoriented and extremely thirsty.

“‘M not a kid,” he mumbled as he sat up, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“Petra wants the two of us in the dining room,” Levi said, ignoring Eren’s remark.

“What for?”

“Dunno. She didn’t say.” Levi stood and strode out the door, Eren stumbling behind with a yawn.

“Wait a minute, what’d you say about my eyes?” he asked, suddenly realizing what he _thought_ Levi had said, a small thrill shooting down his spine at the idea.

“Nothing,” the raven answered almost too quickly before trotting down the stairs, suddenly not bothering to wait for Eren any longer. Eren stopped, still disoriented from his nap and dumbfounded by Levi’s odd behavior, at the top of the stairs for a moment, pondering it.

_Yeah, he definitely said what I think he did._

Smiling, Eren descended the stairs after him.

After retrieving a bottle of water from the fridge, Eren went and found Petra, Oluo, and Levi already situated in the dining room. By the looks of it, Levi had clearly just sat down; Petra and Oluo sent Eren smiles as he slid into a chair beside him. It suddenly felt like an interrogation room.

“Are we in trouble?” Eren couldn't help but ask. This earned chuckles from the adults.

“Did you do something wrong?” Oluo asked.

Eren blinked. “Uhm...no…?”

“Then you’re not in trouble.”

“We just have somewhat of a surprise for you,” Petra said before looking pointedly at Levi. “We’ve talked about it for a while and we’ve decided to let you use your wish the way you asked,” she stated.

Levi’s eyes widened, if only fractionally. “Seriously?”

“Of course. We did a little research and found the location of your mother’s grave,” she said more to Eren, “and we’ve got a couple friends who live near that area. We talked to them and decided you’re allowed to take the bus down there and stay with them for two days - one night - and they’ll take you to the cemetery where she’s buried.”

Eren could feel a lump forming in his throat, his stomach fluttering in nervous anticipation. It’d been years since he’d visited his mother’s grave, though he still thought about her every day. Being nervous was silly, but he couldn’t help it despite being more anxious than anything.

Petra continued to go over the plan with them, even going as far as to pull out a map and indicate their route with a bright red marker, placing large red dots over the house they’d be staying in and the cemetery - only about twenty minutes away from each other by car. They would be driven back the day after arriving, giving them a little less than twenty-four hours in said town.

“I’d love to let you stay longer, but I technically can’t let you be gone for so long because by law, you’re my responsibility, and it’s just too much of a risk since you’ll be so far away,” she explained.

“It’s plenty of time,” Levi said, still studying the map.

“I have to ask, Levi, if you’re sure this is what you want to use your wish on,” Oluo said.

Levi’s eyes lifted. “Yeah. Why?”

“Because technically the wish is supposed to be for your benefit rather than someone else’s.”

Levi gave a lazy half-shrug. “Eren used his on me. As long as he wants to go, I’m fine with it.”

Oluo nodded thoughtfully but said nothing more.

“You’ll leave Friday morning and arrive about mid-afternoon, early evening,” Petra went on. “Franz and Hanna will take you to the cemetery either that evening or the next morning, depending how you feel, and you’ll come back Saturday afternoon. Sound good?”

“F-Friday?” Eren mumbled.

“Mhm. It’ll give you two days to pack and prepare. We’ll also send you with a cheap, disposable cell phone so you can keep in touch with us while you’re on your way.”

“And you’re...sure this is okay?”

Petra sent him that warm smile of hers. “If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be offering to let you go,” she said.

Eren merely nodded. That sharp feeling inside of him was back, preventing him from saying much more with mixed emotions about the whole thing swirling within him.

_Mom,_ he thought. _I’m going to see my mom…_

His mom, who’d been gone since he was a child. Who had tucked him in and told him stories when he was little. Who adopted Cocoa because even though he didn’t beg for her, she could tell he really wanted her. Who raised him on her own for seven years and loved him more than anything. Who he loved more than anything. Who had been his only family. Who left him after only seven years…

~

Counting stars was impossible, even in just the tiny piece of the sky Eren could see through the ceiling of the sunroom. Blanketed in navy blue velvet, they twinkled and danced, ever-changing. Infinite.

It was the night before they were supposed to leave, and he couldn't sleep. Zoë had curled up on his stomach and had long since fallen asleep herself, and Eren was glad at least one of them was catching some zs.

Eren’s head snapped up when he heard the door opening to find Levi, carrying something big and fluffy-looking under his arm, stepping through. He strode silently over to Eren - who sat up in mild confusion moving the cat in the process - and dumped his things on the floor before beginning to spread them out.

“What are you doing?” Eren whispered, though needlessly.

“What does it look like?” Levi muttered back. He tossed the pillow down at the head of his makeshift bed and leaned down against it.

“Can you not sleep either?”

“Figured you needed some company.”

Eren felt himself grin. Something about Levi’s demeanor clearly told Eren he was worried, but of course refused to show it, let alone _say_ it. Nonetheless, it made his heart flutter.

“I have to ask,” Levi murmured a few quiet moments later.

“Hm?”

“...do you really wanna go tomorrow?”

“What?” Eren’s brows knitted together. “Why are you asking?”

“You never really said anything about it, so…”

Eren sighed lightly, flopping back into his pillow and sprawling his limbs out, palms facing up and feet sticking out from beneath his blanket.

“I’m...nervous,” Eren said softly after considering his answer.

“For?” prompted the other.

“I don’t know.” Eren let his eyes close. He felt silly for even admitting his uneasiness. “Never mind.”

“If you don’t wanna go, it’s not too late to bow out.”

“No,” Eren said quickly. “I do. I-I just…” He couldn't seem to find the words, let alone find his voice to say anything. He truly did want to take this journey - he wanted to see his mother again, even if it wasn’t actually _seeing_ her. He wanted to make peace with her and everything that had happened to him since she passed away. There was just _something…_

All the sudden, something warm and soft met Eren’s palm and then snaked between his fingers, firmly yet tenderly holding his hand. His breath caught in his throat as his head turned slowly to find Levi’s face in the dark. Levi had his free arm propped behind his head and his eyes remained staring straight up. Eren’s lips popped open in an attempt to form the other’s name, but nothing came out; between the uneasiness he already felt and the surprise of Levi suddenly taking his hand, speech seemed completely lost on him.

“Don’t think about it too much, kid. Just get some sleep...if you decide you don’t wanna go, we won’t.”

“...okay,” Eren managed to whisper, curling his fingers to wrap around Levi’s hand.

As silence fell over, Eren feared Levi could hear his heart racing a mile a minute at the contact of their hands, or at Levi’s words, or the almost, _almost_ endearing way Levi called him ‘kid’. With his heart flying and his mind racing all at once, between Levi’s actions and anticipation for the next day, Eren wasn’t sure he would get any sleep at all.

Slowly, he shifted into his left side, careful not to move Levi’s hand too much, and curled up a bit, simply watching the other. His eyes were closed, long dark lashes brushing his cheekbones, face relaxed and breathing slow and even. It’d been a while since they’d said anything, and Levi had clearly fallen asleep. A smile played itself on Eren’s lips, and he suddenly realized how glad he was to have made a friend. Something about Levi touched him in ways nothing and nobody else ever had. Levi made him not only willing, but almost eager to step outside his comfort zone and go see his mother’s grave when he likely never would have before. For that, he’d always be grateful.


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late, and so short >.

“Are you sure you have everything you need?” Petra asked for the umpteenth time.

“Yes,” both Eren and Levi assured her simultaneously once again.

She smiled. “Okay okay, I’ll stop asking,” she said. “I know you’re only going to be gone a couple days, but I still worry.”

“Don’t worry hon,” Oluo said, draping an arm around her shoulders. “They’re big boys. This’ll be a good lesson of independence for ‘em. I’m sure they can handle themselves.”

“I know, I know. Just promise you’ll remember to call when you make stops, okay?”

The boys nodded in agreement before allowing Petra to squeeze them each around the shoulders once more until Oluo finally managed to drag her away, leaving them to themselves and only a few others at the bus stop.

“Petra worries too much sometimes,” Eren said, though not without a fond smile on his lips.

“She’s motherly. Just trying to be protective. Moms do that,” Levi responded.

Eren swallowed, his smile vanishing. “Right,” he murmured, hiking his backpack up a bit and gazing down at the pavement beneath his feet.

But Levi was right. Sadly, Eren didn’t have many memories of his mother because she was gone when he was still so young, but he remembered her being that way, too. Not quite panicking the first time he fell when learning to ride a two-wheeler, but rushing over to him and inspecting every inch of his body to make sure he wasn’t too severely hurt. She always made sure he had everything he needed and was happy, no matter how exhausted she was. If he woke up in the middle of the night crying, or crawled into her bed because of a nightmare, she never neglected to pull him into her arms, hold his head against her shoulder and hum a quiet tune until he forgot why he was afraid and drifted back under…

Before he knew it, the bus - bigger than a normal bus and rattling on tracks so that it was more like a mini train than a bus - had screeched to a halt in front of them and Levi was coaxing him on board by the strap of his backpack, giving him an odd look. Confusion, Eren found as he surfaced back to reality, and what he thought to be a touch of concern swimming around the edges of his eyes.

They selected a seat at the very back of the bus/train - a long bench padded with red leather spanning the entire back end - and scooted in on the right, Eren closest to the window. He stripped off his backpack and handed it to Levi, who tucked their things in the compartment above their head.

“Wait, did they check our tickets?” Eren asked as Levi plopped into the bench next to him.

The raven lifted a brow. “You’re really out of it today, kid. They checked before we even boarded.”

“Oh.”

It wasn’t long before most of the seats in front of them were filled with different colored heads and they were off.

“Relax, Eren,” Levi was saying a while later as Eren was watching the town disappear in their wake.

He turned, mildly startled. “Huh?”

Levi indicated his fists, clenched with white knuckles in his lap. Immediately, he relaxed them. “It’s gonna be a long ride. Don’t waste your energy being tense and jumpy.”

“Sorry,” Eren whispered, running his hands up and down his thighs, partially to relax, partially to clear his palms of sweat.

“Don’t needlessly apologize, kid,” Levi stated casually, leaning back in his seat to get comfortable. “You figured out what’s got you so nervous?” he asked, folding his arms behind his head. His eyes were fixed on the bottoms of the overhead compartments as he formed the question, but something told Eren he cared a lot more than he led on about the answer.

“I just...haven’t been to see her in so long,” Eren answered quietly, casting his own gaze out the window. “I’m not really sure what’s making me so uneasy about it. Maybe...it's like...I’m afraid to face her...for some reason…”

Levi offered a low hum in response. “Tell me about her.”

Eren swiveled his head back, confused. “I already did…?”

“Tell me more. It feels wrong going to visit her grave without knowing a thing about her.”

“Oh...well, what do you wanna know?”

“What’d she look like?”

“Uhm…” Eren forced a swallow, thinking back as he pulled his feet up onto the seat, hugging his knees to his chest. “She had dark hair, but not as dark as yours. And hazel-brown eyes. And I guess her skin was a little lighter than mine. She...she looked tired a lot because she was the only one supporting our household, so she didn’t ever get enough sleep. But to me, she was still beautiful.”

“What did she do for a living?”

“She was a receptionist at a hospital...if I remember right. The same one my father worked at. He was the reason she got that job...before he was killed in a car accident.”

“So she was a widow…” Levi said, slightly shifting his weight toward the other.

“No. My parents were never married. Mom told me once that they'd fallen in love in high school. I was born only a couple years after they graduated. So because they never got married, Mom didn’t receive social security checks, and that’s why she had to work so much…” He rested his chin on his left knee, staring blankly at the leather seat in front of him.

As Levi continued prompting him with questions, Eren kept providing answers and speaking of things he hadn’t opened up about in years. It only served to remind and prove to him how truly much he missed his mother.

Levi kept open an attentive ear the entire time, soaking up every word spilling from Eren’s lips. And when the topic deviated from Eren’s past and parents, it continued on in countless different directions, stringing on one after the other until the raven noticed the kid dozing off, still hugging his knees and leaning against the window with his eyelids drooping, barely even open anymore. With that, he allowed their discussion to fade out and watched out of the corners of his eyes as Eren drifted quietly to sleep.

~

Levi looked up from the book he’d fished out of his backpack only about an hour before at an odd sound coming from his right. Eren, still asleep, his face buried in a nest of limbs consisting of knees and elbows, shook and whimpered ever so softly.

_Nightmare…_

Every few seconds, his fingers would twitch and curl a bit before relaxing, as if he was trying to grab hold of something that kept slipping out of his grasp. When the first tear slipped from beneath his eyelid, Levi knew he had no choice but to wake him up and free him from the dream.

Setting his book aside, he reached for the kid, taking hold of his hand and shaking him a bit. “Hey,” he murmured. “Eren.”

The brunet’s hand twitched again and, finding Levi’s, his fingers curled around the other’s. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open, a soft breath pulling in between his lips as he drifted back to consciousness.

“Hey, kid,” Levi said softly. “You okay?”

“Wh-what?” the boy mumbled, lifting his head.

“You’re crying.”

Eren swallowed and lifted a hand to drag the heel of it across his cheek. He sniffed, shrugging a bit. “I’m okay.”

“You were having a nightmare.”

Eren continued to wipe at his eyes, trying to erase the emotion that’d followed him into reality. “Guess so,” he said, following up with a forced laugh. “No big deal.”

Levi lifted a brow. “I beg to differ.”

The tiny smile Eren managed to manufacture disappeared quickly. “It’s...nothing you should worry about…” he said quietly, casting his gaze back out the window.

But Levi tugged on his hand, coaxing him to look back in his direction. “Talk to me, Eren. Keeping it bottled up isn’t gonna do you any good.”

“It was nothing…” Eren said quietly. “It was one I've had before a couple times. I’m used to it.”

Levi wasn’t about to let him get away with telling him nothing. He continued to stare, waiting.

Eren caved. “It was just that dream...where everyone I’ve ever known is leaving.” He let his feet fall from the seat. “And I end up alone.” He wiped his eyes again. “But it's odd…I’ve never woken up crying because of it before…” He shook himself. “I’m fine, though. Won’t we be stopping soon?”

“Probably,” Levi said.

“Good. I have to pee.” Eren punctuated his sentence with a nervous laugh, and hoped it came out more confident than it seemed to him.

Just as he finished the sentence, a rough voice came over the loudspeaker to warn everyone they’d be making a fifteen minute stop after two more miles. Eren swallowed, grateful for the distraction to pull attention away from himself.

When the train came to a stop, Levi almost immediately moved to his feet, his hand only then slipping from Eren’s, causing the brunet to notice their hands had been clasped between them the whole time. Butterflies exploded through his stomach at the realization, and as Levi moved toward the aisle to exit the train, he came to the conclusion as to why the dream had brought him to tears.

_Because in it this time, Levi left me, too..._


	12. XII

Eren was a few people behind Levi in line to get off the train. When he stepped off and into the warm, humid air, he allowed himself a minute to stretch and reveled in the feeling, letting it and the sensation of the sun beating down momentarily distract him from his thoughts - from his dream.

“Said you had to piss?” Levi asked, peeking up from beneath his long black lashes, squinting into the light.

Eren simply nodded and let Levi lead him into what, on the inside, looked to be a large convenience store. Once he finished his business, they used one of the ten dollar bills Petra had provided them with to buy a bottle of water and a snack each. They used the rest of their time to call Petra and walk a few laps around the building, getting their blood flowing and muscles working after sitting for so long, before it was time to board once again.

Conversation picked its way back up between them once the train was moving again, Eren idly nibbling on his bag of cashews and Levi chewing on a twizzler, which he savored.

“How much longer until we’re there?” Eren asked after a while.

Levi shrugged. “Few hours. Can't say for sure.”

“How many more stops?”

“Think I heard someone say one more.”

“Okay,” Eren sighed. When Levi picked his book back up, Eren directed his attention back out the window and let his mind wander, only to be pulled back to reality not long after to an odd sound coming from his left. He swiveled his head back to find Levi to be grinning lightly, his eyes still fixed on the page in front of him.

He’d _laughed_. As soon as the realization hit Eren, his whole body seemed to fill with butterflies.

Eren did his best to commit that wonderful sound to memory as he returned his attention back to the window. He could only imagine what might’ve been in that book to elicit a _laugh_ of all things from _Levi_ , someone he hadn’t heard produce more than a halfhearted snort of amusement in the couple months he’d known him. Whatever it was, though, Eren was thankful for it. Not only did it light his heart up a bit, but it kept his mind off of the destination ahead for a while.

~

The train made another stop countless miles down the road. This time, Eren made sure to get up and exit right behind Levi, who was already on the phone to get the call to Petra out of the way. This time, halfway through the conversation, he held the little device out to Eren, a bored look set in his features.

“Hello?” Eren mumbled into the receiver.

“Eren, hon, how is everything?”

“Everything’s fine,” he assured. “I’m a little stiff from sitting for so long, but we’re good.”

“Good. Is everything on schedule so far?”

“Yeah, as far as I know.”

“Good to hear. Don’t forget to call again when you make it, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Can I talk to Levi again, please?”

“Sure. Bye, Petra.” He extended the phone back to Levi, who took it and started wandering down the sidewalk a ways. After a few strides, Eren trailed behind.

“Mhm...No, it’s pretty boring...yeah...yeah, he’s fine. A little tense, but not too bad…I have been...sure...okay. Bye.” He ended the call and slipped the phone back in his pocket before turning, finding Eren a few yards back with his hands in his pockets, eyes on his feet. “What’s up, kid?”

“Nothing,” answered Eren too quickly.

“She’s just worried about you. Doesn’t want you to go all mute like you were.”

“I know.”

“C’mon. Let’s find a bathroom.”

They started down the road, following another couple they recognized from the train past several small restaurants and cafés lining the sidewalk. Eren was just about to enter one with the scent of herbal tea drifting from its door, complete with a cheery ‘welcome!’ sign, when he realized Levi was no longer beside him.

He whirled around, slightly panicked, to find the raven standing a ways back, hands neutral at his sides while he stared across the street. His eyes, although just slightly, were wider than normal, his lips parted in an expression that Eren could only decipher as surprise and disbelief.

The brunet jogged back over. “What’s wrong?”

Levi’s jaw shut with an audible _snap_. “N-nothing,” he muttered.

“Are you sure?”

Levi was squinting now, his eyes surveying the area as if he was looking for something specific. “It’s just...I think I know this place. That’s all.”

“Oh. You _think_?”

Levi shrugged, returning to a casual stance and neutral facial expression. “Dunno. I could be wrong.” He fell into step beside Eren once more. “Thought I saw someone I used to know.” He shrugged like he was attempting to play it off as no big deal, but Eren could feel something underlying beneath the surface of the statement. Though, whatever it was, he couldn't place it.

“Who’d you think you saw?” he couldn’t help but ask, holding the door to the Teashop for Levi to step in.

“An old friend.”

“ _Just_ a friend?”

“Hmph. Nosey, much?” Levi pushed himself into the men’s room.

“No…” Eren swallowed. “I mean, it just seems like there’s more to it than that.”

“Does it?”

“Yes,” Eren said after they’d finished and were exiting the bathroom.

“Hm...I suppose...you could say they were my best friend. But I haven’t seen them since before I was put in that shitty orphanage.”

Eren felt himself grimace slightly at the mention of that. “Are you sure it wasn’t them?”

“Yeah.” Levi leaned back against one of the railings, hands in his pockets as his eyes briefly skipped over the menu board. “That person didn't scream crazy like they did.”

“Crazy…?” Eren’s narrow eyes were searching Levi’s face, attempting to figure out what he meant.

The raven huffed something akin to a laugh, but his features portrayed no amusement. “Crazy probably isn’t the right word, but it’s definitely the first one that comes to mind.” With that, he pushed off of the railing and stepped up to the counter to order a cup of black tea, to go. The barista gave him a mildly funny look as he turned. “Want anything?”

“S-sure…” Eren glanced up at the menu board and blurted the first thing he saw. “A chai latte…”

The barista nodded, scanned the order into the machine, accepted payment from Levi, and got to work on their drinks.

Eren didn’t want to pry, but the curiosity was too much to handle. “Why...why is ‘crazy’ the first word?”

Levi strode to the opposite end of the counter, crossing his arms in the process. “They were always making up these ridiculous theories that seemed to make sense to no one but them. I think...they might’ve had some sort of undiagnosed mental health issue.” The more he spoke, the quieter his voice became. “But they grew up similarly to the way I did, so we could relate.” He shrugged. “No big deal, really.”

It was a big deal, that much Eren knew right off. The way Levi refused to meet his eyes; even the way he seemed halfway zoned out as he stared at the marble countertop as he spoke showed it mattered a whole lot more than he let on. But that was something about him Eren was getting used to - the mysteries behind those stormy gray eyes being sugarcoated by his words; telling bent versions of the truth and burying his true feelings deep inside. And the more time he spent with him, the more Eren longed to find a way past the walls he put up and discover those mysteries, to solve them and nurse the wounds they inflicted.

Because Eren was no stranger to the slightly pained look Levi sometimes bore when he thought nobody was looking, or even at rare occasions where his face gave him away as he was deep in slumber. Sharing a room with him made that inevitable, but internally, Eren couldn’t deny he sometimes sought it out, even if he hadn’t meant to.

Eren couldn’t find it in himself to pry any more about the subject - he didn’t want Levi getting annoyed with him, so he followed him silently out of the tea shop and back toward the train stop after receiving their drinks.

When the train got going again, the air between them remained silent. After a few miles or so, Levi retrieved his book once more and buried his nose into it, leaving Eren to go back to staring out the window at the passing ‘scenery’.

A few hours must’ve passed before Levi felt something warm come into contact with his right shoulder. Just slightly, he jumped and turned to find Eren, asleep, his head having fallen onto his shoulder.

A foreign kind of warmth flooded through Levi; his stomach flopped, and he could feel himself stiffen. On any other occasion, with anyone else, Levi wouldn’t have hesitated to wake whoever had fallen asleep on him up and told them to move over; he wasn’t a stickler about personal space, but even he had his limits. Still, there was something about the way Eren’s face had relaxed, his body slackened in its state of slumber, and how he’d made Levi a pillow - despite it being unintentional - with such naked trust that had Levi leaving him right where he was.

Taking a deep breath, he downed the last drops of his tea, perched the cup between his knees to throw away later, and directed (most of) his attention back to the pages of his book. It took several attempts to try and get back into the story before he decided it was fruitless. The words were there, his eyes were scanning over them, but it was as if his brain suddenly temporarily lacked the ability to comprehend them. As if Eren’s warmth and the soft sound of his breath were somehow demanding all of his attention.

Sighing lightly through his nose, Levi placed the book, along with the cup, on the seat next to him. As the train rolled on, he did his best to remain as still as possible as not to jostle and wake Eren. Eventually, after eating up several miles, Levi, too, found himself sleepy. Between sitting still, the motion of the train, and the warmth of another body cuddled up closely to his own, it was inevitable and he, too, fell into a soft, light state of slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could art, I'd be drawing these losers sleeping next to each other on the train. *passive aggressively attempts to print it onto paper with my eyes*


	13. XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really happy with the way this chapter turned out. I hope you guys like it, too~

Levi could feel Eren pressing close to his back as they inched down the aisle to exit the train. He’d woken the boy up not five minutes earlier to inform him they’d reached their destination and he could tell Eren wasn’t completely awake yet.

As soon as he stepped onto the sidewalk, Levi’s eyes, squinted against the light of the late afternoon sun, were scouting out the faces of the people he’d seen in a photo Petra had showed him a few days prior. When he spotted the dark buzz-cut next to a shorter, chestnut head, he headed in that direction, subconsciously keeping track of Eren as he went.

As soon as the woman saw them headed right in their direction, a large smile broke out across her features and she brought her hands together in front of her. “You must be Levi!” she said almost too excitedly. “And Eren!”

The boys each allowed a handshake after the lady introduced herself as Hannah and the tall, buzz-cut man beside her as Franz.

“It’s nice to meet you boys. Petra’s told us quite a bit,” Franz said, smiling.

“Yeah. You, too,” Levi said, internally clawing away his discomfort at the awkward social interaction with people he barely met by continually reminding himself this trip was for Eren, who continued to remain close to his side.

Franz and Hannah continually spoke as the other two followed them down the sidewalk to a small, shiny dark blue car parallel parked against the curb - things like ‘don’t be afraid to make yourselves at home’ and ‘if there’s anything at all you need, don’t hesitate to ask’. Levi took a beat of silence as an opportunity to announce he was going to call Petra and was mildly grateful for the continued quiet, save for the sound of the car, as he had the phone pressed against his ear.

His half of the conversation with their foster mother was brief; he merely informed her they were safely with Franz and Hannah and that the train ride was fine before she asked to speak to Eren, who, seemingly reluctantly, took the phone and spoke to her in a small, almost timid voice. Levi didn’t pretend not to notice, either, and raised a brow at the kid when the phone was handed back, already hung up. Eren only shook his head and his lips thinned into a small smile, but it didn’t touch his eyes.

The drive wasn’t long, much to Levi’s relief; he was exhausted enough from riding the train for an entire day. Outwardly, the little house, literally enclosed by a white picket fence, was small and quaint, painted a subtle yellow with white trim, a green lawn and a tree sporting several ripening reddish-green apples standing off-center.

“Petra told me you two already share a room,” Hannah was saying as she stood behind her husband who was working on unlocking the door. When Levi nodded in affirmation, she smiled and continued, “If it’s alright, you’ll have to share a room here, too, and a bed. But if you’re not comfortable with that, the couch is pretty comfortable, too. And Eren, she told me you’re fond of animals, but the best we’ve got is a large fish tank in the living room.” She chuckled apologetically.

“Oh...it’s okay,” Eren said softly, that same, forced smile pressed into his features. While Levi saw right through it, Hannah bought it and returned it.

“Franz loves fish and he’s allergic to dander so we can’t have any other house pets, unfortunately.” She gestured around her to the small, cozy living room they’d stepped into. “It’s not much, but I hope you’ll be comfortable anyway. As I said before, make yourselves at home. Anything in the kitchen is free reign. Let me show you to your room.”

They followed the woman down a short hallway and took a right into a bedroom with a single, queen-sized bed made up with light blue bed clothes, a night table sporting a lamp on each side, and a dresser.

“You probably won’t have to unpack,” she said, “since you’ll be leaving tomorrow already. And…” Her voice dropped, her gaze falling upon Eren. “I don’t suppose you two are up to head to the cemetery this evening, after a long day of traveling?”

Levi’s eyes flicked to Eren, whose eyes were cast at the bed. When he made no move to respond, Levi said, “Probably not.”

Hannah nodded, smiling again. “That’s fine. We’ll go tomorrow morning, then. I’d already planned on that, anyway, so I’ll go get dinner started instead. Are you okay with meatloaf?”

Levi glanced over at the other, who hadn’t so much as moved. “Uh...he doesn’t eat meat,” Levi told her.

“Oh! Alright. I can heat up some leftover spaghetti for him, then. Meat free.” She smiled.

Levi only nodded, figuring Eren wasn’t going to speak for himself for the moment. He himself wasn’t fond of meatloaf, but how could he say no?

“Alright, then. I’ll leave you alone for now, then.”

“Thanks,” Levi said as she slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

As soon as it latched, Eren sunk onto the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands.

“Was this a mistake?” Levi asked quietly, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed a few feet away from the other.

“No. I’m...I’m sorry, Levi,” Eren mumbled into his hands. “I just...I thought I was doing better but...I-I remember this town, like you did at our last stop.” His hands slid down and his arms wrapped around his stomach. “I used to live around here,” he whispered, eyes fixed blankly on the floor. “With...with my mom. And I...I don’t think we lived too far from here, either. I mean, I think we lived in this neighborhood…” When he felt his voice beginning to shake, he trailed off.

Levi wasn’t good at reassurances, at least not verbal ones. He rose to his feet again and found a spot beside Eren and lifted his hand to rest on the top of the kid’s head, fingers slightly tangling through his hair. “Just...try not to think about it too much,” he said.

Eren blew a huff of air out of his nose, mildly amused. “Kinda hard not to,” he said. “But I’ll try.”

Levi ruffled his hair a bit. “Yeah. Sorry. I suck at comforting people.”

A tiny smile, this time genuine, found its way onto Eren’s face and he all but threw his arms around Levi’s torso, tucking his head beneath Levi’s jaw.

Levi automatically stiffened a bit, momentarily disoriented from the sudden embrace, but eventually relaxed himself enough to return it around Eren’s still timid shoulders, an odd, fluttery feeling dancing about his stomach. He did his best to will the heat creeping toward his face away, glad Eren couldn’t see it.

~

Throughout the rest of the night, Levi couldn’t help but notice how close Eren remained to him. Even at dinner, when Levi was forcing the meatloaf down his throat while doing his best to subtly chase it with either the mashed potatoes, baby carrots, or milk they had on the side, Eren was mere inches away from him. Ordinarily it would bother him, but given how uneasy Levi knew he was, he let it slide. (All the while denying to himself that he actually might’ve _enjoyed_ this kid being so close to him, and denying the warm, almost homey feeling he gave him.)

After dinner and Franz, being the designated dish washer because Hannah was the cook, refusing to let Levi and Eren help him with the dishes, the brunet stood by the back door, gazing across the field stretching behind the house.

“Levi, look,” he murmured, turning and seeking out the other. From the kitchen doorway, Levi strode over to him. “Lightning bugs,” he said excitedly, pointing out the window.

Levi peered through the glass, watching as a few tiny yellow pinpoints of light rose up out of the brush of the field. More and more continued to dot into the scene, illuminating the grass and weeds around them until the whole field seemed alight with hundreds of them.

“Have you ever caught them before?” Eren asked.

Levi shook his head, eyes straying back to Eren, whose face showed the first little bit of happiness Levi’d seen on it since they departed from home.

“Do you wanna try?” came a voice from behind them.

They turned to find Hannah standing in the kitchen doorway, smiling.

“Can we?” asked a hopeful Eren.

“Of course. Let me just see if I can find a couple mason jars around here somewhere…” Her slippers shuffled back into the kitchen where Franz was just finishing up the dishes. It only took her a second to retrieve a couple jars, two different sizes, with holes already poked into the lid. “Ah yes! I used to let my nephew and niece use these to catch fireflies,” she said, handing Eren and Levi each one of the jars. “Go on, have fun,” she encouraged.

“C’mon, Levi,” Eren said, wrapping his warm hand around Levi’s and tugging him in the direction of the door. Levi had to swallow around the strange fluttering of his insides as he followed Eren into the night, cool for summer but a nice night nonetheless.

Levi followed Eren's lead in attempting to catch the fiery little bugs, either capturing them in their hands and then caging them in the jars or simply using the jar itself while Franz and Hannah observed from the porch. They spent a good half an hour attempting to capture the insects alone. While Levi couldn’t manage to catch a single one, Eren caught three on his own.

The two sat down in the grass side by side, Eren cradling the bottle delicately in his hands as he gazed at the three lightning bugs, fluttering around inside the glass.

But Levi’s eyes were on Eren’s face, mesmerized by the way his bright, oceanic eyes reflected the light of the fireflies, how they seemed to shimmer with the borrowed illumination. He was absolutely _breathtaking_ \- almost too much for Levi to behold.

Just as he was looking away, Eren spoke up.

“I haven’t done this since I was little,” he said quietly, voice just loud enough for it to be heard over the sound of the crickets. “Since…” He paused, shifting his weight a bit and ending up closer to Levi. “Since I did it with my mom.”

Levi pretended not to notice the breaking in his voice.

“She always caught them all,” he went on softly. “I never caught a single one by myself until now. But she always shared them with me before we let them go.” He turned slightly and held the jar out to Levi, eyes finding his face and smiling a bit. “Here. Since you didn’t catch any.”

“You don’t have to do that…” Levi said, trying to suppress the butterflies in his stomach.

“I want to.” Eren extended them further.

Although still a bit hesitant, Levi gave in and accepted the jar, feeling warmth as Eren leaned into his side, still watching the bugs.

“Should we name them?” asked the brunet.

“Name them?” Levi mumbled incredulously. “Why? They’re bugs.”

Eren laughed, just a little, and Levi swore his heart skipped a beat. “I know. But my mom and I used to name them. Well, she let _me_ name them...so they always had ridiculous names.”

“Like?”

“Cheeto. Fruit Roll Up. Bunny. Tag. I think I even named one Hide and another one Seek once.” He pulled his knees up in embarrassment and hid half of his face in them.

“Fruit Roll Up?” Levi muttered, amused.

“What? I liked them…”

The raven rolled his eyes. “So what do you want to name these?”

“You choose.”

“Why me?”

“Because I caught them.”

“Exactly. So you should choose their names.”

Eren shook his head. “I wanna hear what you would name them. You’re good at naming things. You named my cat, remember?”

Of course Levi remembered, and he remembered the origin of that name in his life better than he remembered the flavor of what he ate for dinner.

“I’m not, really,” he said, watching as one of the insects was crawling up the side of the jar.

“How about...Bulb?”

Levi’s head practically whipped around. “What?” he practically spat.

Eren shrugged. “Like, light _bulb_?”

Levi’s eyes rolled. “So what, you wanna name the other one Filament?”

Another soft laugh sounded from Eren's throat, and Levi’s stomach flopped awkwardly in response. He forced a swallow around the nervous lump in his throat.

“Sure,” Eren said. “Bulb and Filament.” He pointed at two of the bugs correspondingly with the names. “What about him?” he asked, pointing at the last, unnamed firefly.

Levi peered at it. It was the only one not resting at the bottom of the jar, resigning itself to the fact that it may never get out. It continually attempted climbing up the side, bouncing inside the glass, flying and doing whatever it could to find a way out.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“No,” Levi murmured. “Its name should be Eren.”

The younger leaned away just a little, but it was enough for Levi to turn and look at him, holding his breath in embarrassment for what he’d just blurted. But laying eyes upon Eren’s face again had him letting his breath out, as he found the other’s cheeks to be reddened, the color of his flush just visible in the light emanating from the lightning bugs and extended all the way up to the tips of his ears.

“A-are you sure…?” Eren mumbled, his evident fluster absolutely _adorable_ and eliciting strange urges from the raven.

Levi gave a curt, sure nod.

Eren was silent a moment before saying, “Okay.”

~

Later that night after a movie, Hannah herded them to bed. Eren was the first one in and when Levi followed not long after, the taste of mint toothpaste still on his tongue, he found the other to be curled up in just a corner of the bed, seemingly already asleep. As silently as possible, he slipped between the sheets himself, facing away from Eren, and shut his eyes.

He knew right away he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He’d had troubles sleeping since before the orphanage and they hadn’t gotten any better since, on top of the fact that he was in a new place and it always took time to adjust. The only time he remembered getting a decent night’s sleep in the recent months was the night in the blanket fort with Eren.

Nonetheless, he tried, knowing the next day would be another long one.

He didn't know how long it’d been before he heard it. The small sniffle. The muffled whimpers. Felt the slight shaking of the mattress.

Levi peeled his dry eyes open to the darkness of the room, but kept himself still, waiting a minute. Listening. On the other side of the bed, the blankets shifted a bit and another small sniffle sounded.

The raven didn't even need to glance behind him to know Eren hadn’t changed positions; he pushed himself back just enough for his back to press to Eren’s shaky frame. The brunet stiffened. Levi could just imagine his head turning, face contorted in confusion.

“Levi?” Eren whispered scratchily.

“This really was a mistake on my part, wasn’t it?” Levi whispered back.

The boy shifted. “What do you mean?”

“Coming here. It was my idea. My wish or whatever. So far it’s done nothing but upset you.” Levi thought back to after they’d let the fireflies free, when Eren went back into quiet mode, his face virtually unreadable but an ocean of emotion pooling in his irises. And Levi’d had no idea how to console him. He still didn’t.

“No…” Eren mumbled, sniffling again. Levi could feel him moving but elected not to turn around; he was afraid of seeing Eren's face, surely shiny with tears, eyes puffy and reddened.

“Bullshit.”

“No really, Levi. I’m...I’m happy we’re here. It’s just hard…” He trailed off as if he had more to say but was afraid to let it out.

“Because?” Levi wasn’t buying it.

“B’cause…” Another sniff. “For a long time, I blocked out the memories of my mom…’cause it hurt too much. Be…because…” His voice broke, but he forced himself to continue. “I feel it’s my fault that she’s gone.”

His voice was barely audible; he was shaking again, and Levi’s chest literally ached for him.

“It’s not. If you love her that much, there’s no way you would’ve done something to be the reason for her passing.”

Eren remained quiet. In the silence of the room, Levi heard as he swallowed, and then the sound of fabric rubbing against fabric as Eren turned, facing the other. A light fist closed around the back of the raven’s night shirt, something warm pressing between his shoulder blades that could only be Eren’s forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Eren whispered eventually. “For waking you…”

“Don’t worry about it, kid. Get some sleep.”

A small hum sounded from behind him before it fell silent again, and eventually Eren’s breathing deepened enough to let Levi know he’d fallen asleep, his fist loosening just a bit, but never moving away.

With a small sigh himself, Levi shut his eyes once more and synchronized his breathing with Eren’s, hoping to fall asleep himself. The next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes to the light of morning shining across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never actually seen a firefly in real life, so I did my best at capturing the imagery; I hope I did it justice.
> 
> Also, guys, if you haven't and you get the opportunity to, see Lindsey Stirling live. Because she's seriously amazing. Not to say I didn't before, but I have newfound respect for her and her music and ugh, she's just absolutely wonderful. <3


	14. XIV

The scent of frying batter was the first thing to register after Levi had opened his eyes to the sun-filled room, still lying on his left side that’d fallen numb after hours of being laid on. Something warm remained pressed to his back, and still lying beneath the sheets, he could feel himself sweating.

Before he had time to sit up and wake Eren, a soft knock was sounding at the door.

“Yeah,” he called tiredly, pushing himself up on an elbow.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Hannah said as her chestnut colored head poked through the opening of the doorway. “Franz is making pancakes. I figured I should wake you before they get cold.”

“Hmm...thanks,” he said, attempting to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “Hey...can I shower after breakfast?”

“Of course. Meet us in the kitchen whenever you’re ready.” She left with her classic smile.

Yawning, Levi turned to find Eren still sound asleep, his face completely relaxed. He almost hated having to wake him u. Even so, he reached over and gently shook the kid’s shoulder.

Beneath their lids, his eyes flicked; Levi shook him only once more before his long lashes were fluttering open, his arms stretching out like a cat’s.

“Hey, kid,” Levi said. “Breakfast is ready.”

Eren’s sleepy eyes found Levi quickly. The raven couldn’t help but notice they were still tinged pink near the corners.

“Pancakes?” Eren mumbled, wrinkling his nose a bit.

“Yeah.”

The other smiled a bit. “I love pancakes.”

“Then get up and let’s go eat.”

The brunet sighed before sitting up. A cowlick stuck out on the side of his head, and running a hand through his hair as he yawned did nothing to tame it, but in fact made it worse. As he stood up, Levi let out an amused snort.

“What?” Eren asked.

“Take it you slept well.”

“Um...well yeah, actually. How’d you know?”

In answer, Levi reached for his hand and tugged him out of bed to pull him over to the mirror above the dresser. As Eren took in his appearance, he had a hand up his shirt scratching his stomach.

“Oh,” he said with a giggle. “Water will fix that.”

Levi only rolled his eyes before going for the door. “C’mon. I’m starving.”

Eren didn’t hesitate to follow Levi to the kitchen. Once there, as they thanked Franz and Hannah for the food, filled their plates and sat down to in turn fill their stomachs, Levi felt Eren’s presence to be close again. In fact, he stayed quite close the entire morning, save for when Levi excused himself for a quick shower, after which he found the kid in their room, only half dressed, the shirt he planned to wear draped across his lap with his eyes fixed on it, a blank look on his face.

As soon as Levi walked back in, his head snapped up and he fumbled to pull the shirt over his head, but it wasn’t before Levi saw the scars. A breath caught in his throat at the sight but he refrained from letting his internal reaction be known outwardly.

“Hannah said we’ll be leaving soon,” said the younger quietly as he stood up, retrieving his night shirt from the floor to stuff carelessly into his bag.

“Mkay.” Levi worked on folding his own pajamas and tucking them away in his suitcase before picking up the violin case and strapping it across his chest. “Let’s take our stuff to the living room so it’ll be ready to go.”

Eren merely nodded and followed in his lead, meeting Franz and Hannah in the living room. Only minutes later they were out the door, the brunet bearing a heavy heart.

~

Eren clutched a bouquet of flowers to his chest as the car bumped over the uneven dirt surface of the parking lot located at the edge of a vast green field dotted with various trees and hundreds of different gravestones. He hadn’t spoken a word since leaving the flower shop, since he’d asked the florist for violet peonies. An odd request in Levi’s mind, but he held himself back from asking for a reason.

Franz swung into an unmarked parking space beside one of the only other cars in the lot and cut the engine. For the first time since departing the florist’s, Eren swiveled his head away from the window.

“Take all the time you need, hon,” Hannah said from the passenger’s seat, twisted around to see him. “Just meet us back here when you’re finished.”

The brunet nodded a bit wearily before his eyes found Levi, who gave him a nod as well. “Ready?” he asked.

Eren merely gave another nod, cuing Levi to push open his door and step out into the warm mid morning sun. Franz and Hannah also stepped out, sending them smiles before meeting up at the front of the car and trailing away slowly, looking for the headstone of a friend of theirs they said also rested there.

Levi circled around the car where Eren was still standing timidly beside his door, the flowers still cradled to his chest. His eyes gazed uneasily across the field, his teeth absently chewing on his lower lip.

The older said nothing. He simply reached for Eren's hand, gently pulling it away from the flowers, and tugged him along toward the grass. Though he had no idea where he was going, he kept walking between the headstones, eyes scoping over the names to find ‘Jaeger’. He came to the realization that he’d yet to learn Eren’s mother's first name.

The two had walked maybe five minutes before Eren was tugging back on Levi’s hand. Just as he turned around to reassure him, he found Eren not to be hesitating, but nodding in another direction. So he let the kid lead, squeezing between the stones until they reached a large, blossoming cherry tree. Pink petals decorated the grass, littered the top of a few of the headstones, and continued gently spiraling to the ground one by one every so often. Eren stopped beneath it, looking around.

“She’s somewhere around here,” he said quietly. His hand tightened around Levi’s as his eyes searched about the stones.

“What’s her name?” Levi asked gently, eyes on one stone in particular.

“C-Carla,” Eren stammered.

Humming, Levi coaxed him in the direction of a stone, a rectangular shape with flowers engraved around its edges. In the center, it read:

_In Loving Memory_

_Carla Jaeger_

_1973-2005_

Eren pressed closely to the other. Levi could feel him shaking just slightly, his fingers in a vice grip between Levi’s own, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind too much. He could only imagine what Eren was feeling at that moment, not having lost a parent to death himself, but it was almost as if he could feel secondhand all of the grief and guilt the younger bore inside of himself.

A light breeze picked up, lifting their hair, ruffling the tree and causing a few of the petals to swirl around them. One landed delicately near Eren’s hand where he still held the bouquet of peonies. He glanced down at them and, with shaking hands, laid them gently in front of the headstone. When he stood back up, he folded his arm across his stomach, his lips pressed firmly together as if he were doing everything he could to keep his emotions at bay.

After a moment of consideration, Levi pulled tenderly on the boy’s hand to coax him to the ground and sit, crossing his legs right next to him. Eren pressed even closer, his whole frame timid and trembling - subtly, but it was.

“Would it…?” Levi began, and then second guessed himself, unsure.

“Hm?”

The raven pulled in a deep breath. “Would it be wrong of me to ask you to tell me about it?”

“A-about what?”

Levi clenched his jaw, mildly regretting bringing it up. Still, his ever growing curiosity nagged at him not to back down. “About you. I mean...about your life.” Internally he cringed at how awkwardly he worded the sentence.

“You mean...from the...the beginning?”

A hand ran through dark hair, another small sigh escaping parted lips. “Yeah, I guess. But it's fine...you don’t have to tell me.” His teeth snapped shut, his jaw flexing as he tried to mask his growing embarrassment.

Eren’s eyes descended to their hands and he twisted them a bit, resting them on his knee. “I-I didn’t say no,” he said quietly.

“Yeah. But it was probably too personal of a question. Forget I asked.”

Eren was so close that Levi could hear him swallow. “Well m-maybe…”

“What?”

“I...I don’t know,” he sighed.

“Spit it out, kid.”

“...Maybe it’s time I told someone.”

Levi swiveled his head and had to strain his eyes to make out Eren’s face; his big green eyes remained on the headstone, but when he felt the other turn, they lifted to meet Levi’s. A galaxy of emotion swirled through those saturated irises - grief being prominent, accompanied by a deeply ingrained sadness that clearly hadn’t manifested within the last few moments, or even days; and something else Levi couldn’t quite place (though he’d never been good at reading feelings, especially those of others).

“It’s up to you,” Levi muttered, averting his eyes once more.

Eren straightened up, not letting go of Levi’s hand, but distancing himself just a fraction. “It’s a long story,” he uttered quietly. “And it’s not very pleasant.” His eyes flicked up to his companion and then back down in hesitation. “Are you absolutely sure you wanna know?”

And once again Levi’s eyes found Eren’s innocent face. With complete and utter certainty he said a firm, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, guys, that this chapter is super weak and short. I've been writing it through a block; it seems to be letting up a little so hopefully the next chapter will be better. Get ready for backstory! :3


	15. XV

“I guess...the first couple of years of my childhood were fairly normal,” Eren began. He held a petal between his thumbs and forefingers, absently stroking along its surface and edges as he spoke, his voice calm but quiet. “My father passed away in a car accident when I was only months old, so I don’t remember him.”

Levi nodded, remembering. Remembering the sad look Eren bore the last time he’d talked about his parents. Remembering that his parents were never married and that his mom had to work a lot, but remembering that there were several answers to Levi’s questions that he’d avoided. Despite what he already knew, Levi could tell there was so much more about Eren Jaeger that he had yet to learn. So he listened.

~

It started when he was seven with a handful of Vicodin. Twenty-three, to be exact, and four cupfuls of water to down them one by one by one.

He stumbled his way into the house after being dropped off by the bus down the street, his bright red and dirtied backpack sliding off his scrawny shoulders. The environment was quiet, and eerily so. He discarded the pack and the fleece sweater onto the couch as usual before shuffling toward the kitchen in search of his mother, expecting her to be standing at the counter slicing apples or peeling oranges or even making peanut butter toast for a snack when he got home. When he didn’t find her, and when he didn’t find a snack waiting for him on the table (she would sometimes leave one out while she was in for a nap, exhausted from work), he grew confused, a little afraid.

He padded back the way he came, toward the hallway in search to find the bathroom door shut and the orangish light seeping through the cracks around it. A light, rhythmic dripping sounded from the other side. Frowning, he placed his little hand on the painted wood.

“Mama?” he asked.

A gasp, and then a loud clattering as the plastic cup was knocked into the ceramic sink and bounced around. The knob jostled for a second before the door cracked open to reveal his mother, her dark hair falling in dirty strings around her sweaty face, matted to her cheeks a bit, dark circles surrounding her pale golden eyes. The boy stepped back a bit, looking up at her.

“Eren,” she breathed out, opening the door all the way and gazing down at him like she’d suddenly realized something.

“What’s wrong, Mama?” he asked.

She raised a shaky hand and ran it through her hair, pushing it away from her pale face. Eren was afraid of the way she looked; he’d always known she was often tired and that the dark circles around her eyes were a product of that, but she’d never looked so pale, so degraded. It distorted her beauty, and that scared him.

“Honey, can you do me a favor?” she kneeled down and ruffled his hair, forcing a tight, insincere smile. Something was different in her eyes suddenly. Fear, maybe? Regret? When he nodded she said, “Go get me my phone, okay? It’s on the kitchen table right next to my purse.”

Eren ran off immediately and retrieved the device from the table before immediately returning to her. She’d cleaned up the bathroom and was on her way out when he handed it to her. She smiled again, placed a kiss on his head, and shuffled toward her room. “Go ahead and get yourself a snack, okay? I’m gonna lie down for a while,” she called back to him as she was busy unlocking the phone and dialing a number.

Eren heard only three beeps of the keypad. He didn’t move to get a snack, only watched as she moved into her room and nudged the door shut, though it didn’t latch. He stared and stared at it, and eventually his mother spoke. From the thick sound of her voice, he could tell she was crying.

Her voice was hushed, though, as she spoke into the phone, not allowing Eren to pick up on what she was saying. He thought about moving closer to the door, but he was taught a long time ago about how wrong that was. So he stayed put until he heard the sound of her phone being set on her night table. He then tiptoed to the door and pushed it open a bit. His mother was curled up on her bed, shaking with silent sobs. It broke his heart to see her the way she was, and he couldn’t make sense of anything that was happening.

“Mom,” he said, nudging his way into the room.

Her body jerked a bit; she craned her neck around. “Eren, no, go get something to eat,” she told him again.

He didn’t listen. He couldn’t. He instead crawled right in next to her, pushed her hair out of her face as she often did for him as she watched. He could feel how hot her skin was beneath the tips of his fingers. _Chicken soup_ , he thought automatically. Whenever he had a fever, that was what she would give him. But somehow he knew this was more than chicken soup could cure or even comfort.

Suddenly, she was pulling him into her arms, holding his head against her shoulder. Her weeping was silent, but he could feel her shaking, the uneven huffs of her breath.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” she whispered after a while. “I’m so, so sorry…”

“It’s okay, Mama,” he said. Because that was what you said when someone said ‘I’m sorry’, even if you didn’t know why. And he wanted to believe that, whatever happened, whatever mistake she might have made that he didn’t yet know about or understand, that it really would be okay.

“I love you, my darling,” she said, kissing his hair. “I love you so much.”

Eren wanted to cry with her. He wanted to hug her tight and take all her pain away, because she was all he knew. And he loved her, too.

“I love you, too, Mom,” he said.

He was scared. She was in pain. He wanted to ask why, he wanted to know what happened that was so bad, but he couldn’t. He simply let himself lay back with her, curled up into her like he was a baby again while she held him, rubbing his back and crying with her eyes closed. All he could do was cling to her and hope whatever it was went away.

Eventually, he heard the sirens. It was normal, though; they always heard sirens around their neighborhood. But they came nearer and nearer, got louder and louder until they were so loud he was sure they were right in the front yard. The lights flashed behind the shutters - red, blue, red, blue, flash flash flash. Like a movie.

“Mama,” he said, sitting up, shaking her shoulder. Her face was still tear-streaked, but no more moisture fell from between her dark lashes anymore. “Mom,” he urged a little louder, shaking a little harder. But she didn’t move. Didn’t respond in the slightest. “Mom!” he screamed, using both hands to shake her now. “Wake up! The cops are here! _Mama!_ ”

He was still trying to shake her awake when the strange men rushed into the room, having followed the sound of his shouting. Dark blue suits, he could remember, and a pretty blond woman with a ponytail grabbing his hand and coaxing him toward the door. His vision was swimming with tears. He didn’t want to go with the stranger, he wanted his mom. He wanted her to wake up and take him into her arms again and smile and kiss his hair and cut an apple for them to share.

Eren was suddenly pulled out into the bright light of the afternoon sun. The woman sat him down on the slab of concrete acting as their front porch and kneeled in front of him. She had a sad smile, and she offered him a tissue from her pocket. She told him her name, but he didn't remember it. She told him to breathe, to take deep breaths, he was going to be okay.

But was his mother going to be okay? Why wasn't she waking up? He was too overcome with sobs to form any of these questions. The lady managed to help him regain control of his breathing and once he did, she asked for his name.

“E-E-Eren,” he managed to hiccup, clutching the tissue in his fist.

She nodded. “We're going to try and help your mom, okay, Eren?”

He could only nod, but in the end he knew there was nothing they could've done to save her, and he knew because one of the men in the blue uniforms - the taller one with the dark facial hair who'd rushed his limp mother out the door a few minutes after they'd rushed _in_ \- said so. She was carried to the ambulance, its siren silent but its lights still flashing, flashing, flashing. Neighbors had come out to see what was going on, and any cars passing on the street slowed to crane their necks around and gawk.

Eren was taken in the firetruck with the lady who'd helped calm him, separated from his mother, who was whisked away in the ambulance. He only remembered hearing two words on the way to the hospital.

_Vicodin overdose._

Everything after that was mostly a blur. The blonde lady had sat him down in a little room with chairs and asked his questions. People were in and out, on the phone, asking his name and making sure he was okay.

The one vivid thing was getting the news.

“Honey, do you understand what happened?” asked another woman, pretty, with hair that was black like his mother's. He couldn't understand why they wouldn't let him see her.

He shook his head, and the black haired lady took his hand, giving him a sad, sad smile. “Your mother…she passed away,” she told him gently. She let him squeeze her hand as hard as she needed.

“I know,” he'd said. And he did. He knew when his mom wouldn't wake up, when the man in blue said there wasn't anything they could do for her. What he didn't understand about it was _why_. Was _how_.

“What do you mean, honey?” she asked.

“How come she's gone?”

Eren watched her eyes gloss over with moisture. She managed to get the words out past a thick throat. “You mom swallowed pills,” she explained.

But that hadn't made any sense. His mom swallowed pills all the time. Painkillers, she told him, to help with her stress headaches. The woman could tell he wasn't comprehending.

“Eren, when you swallow too many pills...well, it's too hard on your organs and it...it’ll take your life.”

Oh. That made sense. And everything got blurry again. He was shuffled around to different people he didn't know, introduced to too many people to have hope of remembering their names.

~

By the time anything made remotely any sense again, he was in an unfamiliar room, sitting on the end of one of the two beds within the small space. In front of him was a suitcase - orange, his favorite color. The one he remembered his mother letting him pick out at the supermarket before their trip across the country; though he didn't remember where it was they went, he knew it was to visit his grandparents.

A woman kneeled next to the luggage, and he remembered admiring her wildly curly dark hair. She unzipped the bag, revealing neatly folded clothes he didn't remember packing. He couldn't even fold that well. Someone else must have done it.

“It's gonna be okay now,” she told him, trying to smile. But to him, nothing was okay. His mom was gone, and she was never coming back.

~

Four years he lived with the woman with the curly hair. Sarah, her name was, and she took care of him. Fed him, made sure he bathed and brushed his teeth, and tucked him into bed until he was about ten and he’d decided he was too old to need to be tucked in anymore. She took him to school and picked him up. Him, and several other children who lived in the same house, who didn’t have their own parents to take care of them anymore for one reason or another.

He missed his mother every day. The older he got, the more he wanted to resent her for swallowing those damned pills and living him alone like this. The more he tried, the weaker he found that pretend hatred to be, and eventually it was gone altogether and all he wanted was to see her again.

Kids often came and went from Sarah’s house - some leaving with new families, others getting old enough to be able to move out on their own.

A few months after his eleventh birthday, it was Eren’s turn. An older couple without any other kids came and met with him. They came back a few times, often bringing him gifts. They were nice, and something about the woman almost, _almost_ caused him to put thoughts of his mother to the back of his head. And like many of the other children who’d left with similar couples, they asked if he wanted to go live with them and have a family.

“Do you have a dog?” was the first question he’d asked. They’d chuckled and told him no, but they could think about getting one if he wanted, and he told them he did before showing them a picture he never parted with, capturing a chocolate lab he and his mother rescued from a shelter when she realized Eren’s absolute and undying love for animals. In the photo, too, was himself and his mother on either side of the canine with their arms around her, looking happier than ever.

“Cocoa,” he told his soon-to-be-mom when she’d asked the name of the dog. “But we had to put her down because she was old and going blind and weak.”

And so he moved away from Sarah, at age eleven, almost twelve, and in with his new family - Violet and Joseph were their names. Once he’d adjusted to life with them - living in a large house in a peaceful suburban neighborhood, going to school while Violet worked in an office downtown and Joseph labored away at restoring, updating, and improving their house. Eren had made a friend at school who also happened to live right down the street by the name of Armin Arlert; in no time, they were best friends. They were a fairly normal, happy family; it was a peaceful way of life…

...until the fighting began.

Eren was only a few weeks away from his fifteenth birthday. He’d been living with Violet and Joseph almost four solid years and had been sitting up in his room working on a book report when he heard the muffled sound of what seemed to be glass smashing against something come from downstairs. Immediately, he’d thrown his door open and was getting ready to descend the stairs when a loud, angry shout stopped him short in his tracks.

The words said in the first fight blurred into all the others in his memory. It started out little by little, a fight between his adoptive parents every few weeks or so that would always be resolved in a few days, no more than a week. Violet constantly reassured him with smiles and soft words, and he’d always believed her.

But eventually her smiles ceased genuinity. They’d become fake, and he’d seen right through them. It was a smile he’d seen a hundred thousand times on his mother’s face before her suicide. And soon after he found out what the fights were _really_ about - alcohol. He’d known Joseph was a former alcoholic but had been sober for a good eight years before they were granted permission to adopt a child because they were unable to have their own. He’d still attended monthly support groups and frequently saw a therapist for his past issues, but as far as Eren had known, that’s exactly what they were - past.

He’d started drinking again. Eventually, Violet managed to convince him to quit again and the fights went away for several months. For a while, things seemed normal again.

But temptation was potent, and Eren learned that quickly. It seemed the slightest smell or even mention of any kind of alcohol would set the man off, and he’d started smuggling it into the house, hiding it from Violet, and getting drunk while she was at work and Eren was at school. The teen would always arrive home first in the late afternoon once school and clubs were over. Joseph hid his problem from the two of them well, until his mind was so intoxicated one afternoon to remember Eren was getting off school early.

He’d walked right into the house as usual, kicked his shoes off in the entryway and made his way down the hall to the family room to find his adoptive father half passed out, sprawled out on the couch with several bottles of alcohol around him on the floor, the table, even stuck in between the cushions underneath him.

As soon as he entered the room, Joseph came to complete consciousness and sat up at full attention in less than a second, the half empty bottle of whiskey in his hand sloshing around and spilling a few drops onto the floor. Eren was frozen where he stood as Joseph’s angry black eyes glared daggers at him.

“The hell are you doing home?” he growled.

Eren had no time to respond before the man was on his feet and in his face, grabbing the front of Eren’s shirt and practically lifting him off his feet. His heart had been pounding relentlessly; the pungent smell of all the booze stinging his nose as Joseph’s breath washed over his face. Joseph shook the teen harshly enough for more of the whiskey to slosh from the bottle and soak into the fabric of Eren’s jacket.

And just like that, Joseph’s fist, still enclosed around the neck of the glass bottle, smashed into the side of Eren’s face, blackening the side of his eye and causing his cheek to swell up considerably later. Joseph had growled in his face for him never to tell a soul about what he’s seen followed by a threat bad enough for Eren to keep his mouth shut and make a petty excuse to his adoptive mother about how he’d run into an open locker door at school while he was in a rush to get to class.

As ‘promised’, Eren never breathed a word to anyone about what he saw that day, not even Armin. That never stopped Joseph from unleashing his alcohol-induced rage on Eren, though; he never seemed to need an excuse to make any part of Eren’s body a brief home for his fists, elbows, knees, or feet.

And eventually, Violet ceased being sympathetic. Their fights stopped, but they weren’t getting along the way they used to. Eren hid his cuts and bruises under long sleeves. He’d go to school less frequently, and then one day without explanation, they pulled him out altogether. Locked him away in a room in the basement with very little to eat or drink and rarely let him leave to use the restroom. As a result, the inevitable happened, and he’d always get beatings for it. Periodically, it seemed, Joseph would trample down the stairs, never without a cigarette or joint or bottle of alcohol in hand, and use Eren as a punching bag with no reasoning whatsoever. Violet never hit him, but from his brief trips upstairs, he saw she’d been pulled right under Joseph’s influential ‘wing’ and was drunk more often than not as well.

And eventually, after what he thought to be at least a month, he was literally thrown back down the stairs, having lost all hope he’d ever make it out of the situation alive.


	16. XVI

By the end of his retelling, Eren was in tears, one dripping off of his chin right after another. His fingers, where they once held onto the cherry blossom petal, were now curled into loose fists. That was more than he’d ever told _anyone_ about his past...

Next to him, Levi sat still and speechless, a tooth hooked loosely on the ring in his lip. All he seemed to be able to think about were the scars he’d seen that morning, forever marking up the skin now covered by Eren’s shirt. He’d been... _beaten_...and from the sound of it, it hadn’t happened too awfully long ago. Levi was stunned.

It took him a minute to drift back to reality, but when he did, all he could think to do was slide his arms around the crying boy’s shaking shoulders. It felt awkward. Stiff. Nonetheless, Eren leaned into the contact. His head came to rest upon Levi’s shoulder, tears never ceasing or slowing down. And Levi let him cry.

“The...the police showed up...later,” Eren managed in a thick voice. After clearing his throat he began again. “I don’t know how long I’d been down there before they dragged them out and found me. I think...I think one of them told me a neighbor had put in the call...something about not having seen me in months?” He shook himself. “I’m not really sure. But then I met Petra. She told me I could live with her, and that I could bring Zoë, so I went. And then a few months later you showed up…”

“Did they not go on trial?” Levi mused, staring blankly across the tops of the headstones, his mind somewhere else completely.

“Mm...yeah,” Eren mumbled, lifting his head and dragging an arm beneath his nose. “Petra said they did...but it was short because there was plenty of evidence in the house. Said they didn't even need me there. And I’m glad ‘cause I never want to see their shitty faces again.”

Levi nearly snorted at the sound of Eren cursing. “So why couldn’t you live with your grandparents?”

“My gramma had severe dementia,” Eren explained as he was working on wiping his face. “And they were too old to take care of a little kid by then, anyway…”

“And what about your friend?”

“Who? Armin?” The brunet tried masking the crack in his voice by clearing his throat. When Levi nodded, he went on, “I don’t know...I haven’t seen him since I was in school. And that was months ago…”

Levi scoffed and playfully pushed Eren’s head away. The younger looked genuinely offended and confused. “What was that for?”

“You’re a damn idiot,” muttered the raven, spinning his lip ring.

“Wh-why…?”

“Because you wasted your wish on something pathetic instead of coming here or going to see your friend instead.”

Frowning, Eren attempted to return the gesture, shoving on Levi’s shoulder but not getting very far. “I think _you're_ the idiot,” he shot back.

“For?” Levi prompted, cocking a brow.

“You keep saying I wasted my wish on you. And it’s not true at all.”

“I still don’t understand why you did it,” Levi sighed. “I don’t think I ever will.”

“Then...I guess that’s something we have in common.”

“...what?”

“Unless you just used your wish to bring me here because you felt obligated.”

Levi was quiet for another moment, working through his thoughts to form his answer. “Maybe at first,” he murmured, preoccupying himself with running his fingers through the patch of crabgrass near his right knee. “But when you told me about her, and when I realized how much you love her, it changed.” He cleared his throat to punctuate the sentence, attempting to mask the sudden uneasiness he felt.

“So...you don't regret it?” Eren's eyes were practically shimmering.

“Do you regret the violin?”

Eren’s gaze flickered to the black case still resting against Levi’s back where it was strapped to him. “Will you play?”

Levi lifted his head. After only a second’s consideration, he lifted the case from over his shoulder and laid it gently on the grass in front of him before unlatching it and lifting the lid. Inside, his violin, nestled in the soft maroon velvet, seemingly waited expectantly. Levi took the bow out first and twisted the little knob on the end to tighten the strings before picked up the rosin, unsheathed it to reveal a scratched up, odd-looking clump of something held in some wood, and with careful precision, ran it up and down the strings of the bow. What looked like dust floated away from it before settling, and he replaced the rosin in the case. With that, he lifted the instrument by its neck and positioned it between his left shoulder and jaw. Its sleek black surface shone in the midday sun, and that was all Eren was able to take in before the bow was against the strings.

There was but a breath of a pause, and then he was playing. It was a melody he didn’t recognize, but somehow it soothed him. Among the notes Levi’s fingers pressed into the strings, there was a darker feel to it, but somewhere within it was underlying hope. Eren was completely fascinated by the way his fingers danced across all four strings in time with the motion of the bow, the elegant way his hand moved up and down the neck and seemed to shake to create a perfect vibrato. He was sure the sound carried all across the gravestone littered fields.

But Eren’s eyes were only entrapped by his hands for a few seconds before he sought out Levi’s face. He was completely at ease, his eyes shut and his lips resting naturally together, his long dark lashes casting shadows down his strong cheekbones. His hair was a bit disheveled from the calm breeze from earlier, rendering his face more visible where it was usually covered by his bangs. If Eren looked closely, he noticed there might’ve even been the faintest flushes of pink in his cheeks.

Eren’s heart stuttered within his ribs. Levi was _breathtaking_.

The song faded to a soft close. Eren was impeccably still as he watched Levi lower the instrument into his lap and open his dark eyes. They did not meet the other’s, but lifted upward, across the field, toward the horizon above a line of trees bordering the other side of the cemetery. It took Eren a moment to break out of his shell and turn to see what he was looking at.

A mass of eerie dark storm clouds crept over the treetops, slowly but surely closing in. Swallowing in slight uneasiness, the younger turned back to find Levi packing his violin back into its case and latching it shut before digging into his pocket to check the time on the disposable cell.

“It’s almost noon,” he said. “We should probably get back.”

“We’ve been sitting here that long…?” Eren mumbled.

Levi spared but a nod before pushing himself to his feet. Eren was quick to follow.

“Are you ready?” Levi asked, finally meeting Eren’s eyes again.

Eren’s own gaze fell upon the headstone, upon his mother’s name, perfectly carved into its concrete surface. For a fleeting moment he wondered who’d decided what it should look like, who decided she should be placed there, and if anyone other than him had the mind to visit her in the past eight years…

“I think so,” he said finally, suddenly finding himself blinking away tears once more.

In the next instant, he felt a familiar set of fingers aligning their way through his and wrapping tenderly around his hand. He managed a small smile over at Levi before nodding, and a second later they were off.

As they trampled back through the grass, Eren couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder to where the peonies laid, the plastic around them fluttering in the picking up wind.

_Goodbye, Mama. For now._

~

The train station was only about half an hour away from the cemetery, and the ride, as usual, was silent. As he watched the world pass by out the window, Eren felt strangely at peace. Memories of his mother were flitting by one by one in his mind, yet somehow they didn’t bring pain or melancholy. Instead, he felt at ease, felt a bittersweet warmth cradled within his chest. She was at peace, and because he knew this, he’d made peace with her passing at last. And he realized he only had Levi to thank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is kinda late, and sorry it's so short. I'm working my ass of at NaNoWriMo and writing wise, I've been primarily focused on that. Once November is over, I'm hoping to have more frequent updates and to get my other fic, Lucid Dreamer, back in motion. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter despite it being so short, though. /.\


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I finished my NaNoWriMo, which means more updates (finally)!

Only a few others waited at the train station when they were dropped off. Franz and Hannah took only a few minutes to say goodbye before heading off, though not without Levi making sure to thank them. Once they were gone, though, the two were left to themselves, positioned side by side on the concrete near the tracks to wait for the train.

Eren kept his eyes fixed on the ground in front of him. He couldn’t stop thinking of his mother or how grateful he was to have been able to visit her grave again. He wanted to thank Levi, but any good ideas on how to do so evaded his mind and he was left feeling awkward.

A dark spot appeared on the sidewalk just before he felt a drop pelt him in the back of the head and his head snapped up. Sure enough, the clouds that had been rolling in earlier were directly overhead now and it was beginning to rain.

“Want the umbrella?” Levi asked, looking up as well.

“Um, no. That’s okay,” Eren murmured.

“Sure? You might get sick…”

Eren’s eyes met the other’s and the impulse hit like a train. One moment he was standing a few inches from the raven, and the next he had his arms thrown around his shoulders, holding tightly.

“E-Eren...what…?”

“Thank you, Levi,” he whispered, only holding tighter. “Thank you so much.”

“Ah...o-okay, Eren…” Levi mumbled, reaching up to pat his back. “What are you thanking me for…?”

“This. Bringing me here. Letting me see my mom again, and listening to my story.”

Despite the constricting grip around his shoulders, Levi relented and lifted his arms to return the embrace. The rain picked up from a light sprinkle to a steady one, and he took a small risk in pressing the lower half of his face into Eren’s shoulder. He figured the ‘you’re welcome’ was implied.

The rattle of the train was nearing from the distance and was what caused the two to split apart, though they remained closer than before. Levi didn’t miss the new flush in Eren’s cheeks before he turned his head to look in the direction of the train. A moment later, it pulled up and people immediately began flooding from the doors. When they boarded, checking their tickets on the way in, Levi automatically headed toward the back where they’d been on the way there. Finding the very back bench occupied, he selected the seat right in front of it, allowing Eren the window seat again before taking their baggage and storing it above their heads and settling in himself, placing his violin between his knees.

Eren shook the water from his hair and shivered a bit.

“Told you you should’ve used the umbrella,” Levi scolded.

Eren merely gave him a pouty face in response before turning toward the window to sulk a bit, because he was, in fact, cold from being wet.

Subtly, Levi maneuvered closer to share a bit of his body heat, surprising the brunet though neither of them said a word, and the train was off merely moments later.

“Levi?” Eren asked after they’d eaten up a few miles.

“Hm?”

Eren swallowed nervously as he reached for the older’s hand, who accepted his fingers pushing gently between his own and wrapping around his hand. In turn, he curled his own fingers around Eren’s, marveling a bit in the way they seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces.

“Will you tell me about your childhood?” Eren went on.

Levi’s eyes narrowed as they found Eren’s. “You...wanna know about my past?”

“Yes. I want to know your story, too."

The raven stayed silent, averting his gaze out the window at the passing world, though his fingers tightened a bit between Eren's.

"Do you not wanna tell me?" Eren whispered.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

Levi's eyes fell to his lap. "There's...a chance you'll see me differently if I tell you everything."

"I doubt that."

A dry laugh escaped Levi's throat. "You probably couldn't guess how my childhood was," he said. "You'll probably be surprised who my parents were...what they did...and where they are now."

Eren's brows knitted together. Levi actually knew where his parents were? Why wasn't he with them? Why was he in the foster system, and why had he lived in an orphanage? Eren's curiosity was only spiked by this information, and he wanted to be there for Levi the way Levi was for him after spilling his story. It was obvious that the past was something that haunted Levi, and Eren hated that he might've been in pain because of it.

"Where are they?" he asked quietly.

Levi swallowed. "Prison.”

A frown set in his features, Eren settled in to listen. "What happened?"

The raven fiddled with the ring in his lip. "Unlike a lot of people, my parents didn't have normal jobs. The way they made their money was actually illegal, and I'm a product of that."

Eren shook his head, clearly not comprehending. "I don't..."

Levi stared blankly at the dark leather of the seat in front of them. He spoke quietly. "My mother was a prostitute," he said quietly, his mouth barely moving as it formed the words. "And my father was her procurer."

Eren's back went stiff and straight as a board. He couldn't even blink, the shock of this news was so profound, and he couldn't take his eyes from Levi's face as he continued to stare ahead. His fingers remained tight, tense, in Eren's hand.

"What...what's a 'procurer'?" Eren finally managed. He felt silly for asking, but he had to know.

A muscle fluttered beneath Levi's skin in his jaw before he said, "The slang term is 'pimp'."

Eren knew that one. He moved his free hand to his other and wrapped it around it where it was joined with Levi's. "Tell me, Levi," he said softly. "Please?"

"Guess it's only fair, huh? Since you told me everything..." His head fell back against the back of their seat and his eyes slid shut. "My mother was...hired, I guess you could say, by my father when she was only eighteen. He once told me he didn't have a second thought about picking her up as one of his 'girls'," he air quoted, "because she was so beautiful. And she is." He paused, ran a hand through his hair and swallowed again; Eren watched his Adam's apple bob. He released a breath and then continued, "It was only a few months before he decided he wanted her for his own, and she agreed, and then about a year later she found out she was pregnant. During that time, he was forced to fire all of his other 'employees' to protect her and us from the law...from finding out what had happened."

"But wouldn't that raise more suspicion?" Eren speculated.

"No. While he was in the business of sex trade, he was always at risk of being caught, but with his other girls gone, it kept him safer. And he kept them quiet by pointing them to another man who did the same thing he did and could get them the same business, if not better. Besides, if they were to rat them out, they'd be at risk of getting found out themselves. So they were safe.

"Anyway, I guess my father had enough money saved up to support my mother while she was pregnant and only a month or so after she gave birth, she was back in business. My father hired more people and they were bringing in more money than ever before, and keeping me hidden all the while."

Eren's head was spinning as he tried to imagine it. He knew it wasn't going to end pretty.

"They constantly put me in school and pulled me back out again for years. It was a wonder I learned and remembered as much as I did. When I wasn't in school, they scrounged up the money for a cheap, used violin and a couple learning books so I had something to do while they did their business. So that's how I learned.

"But it didn't last, of course. They were doing drugs...and I think my parents were even dealing them on top of the sex trade business. Inevitably, they were caught. And ever since I'd learned how to walk, they taught and drilled me on what to do if police ever showed up to..." He paused, a dry, humorless laugh coming out. "...to 'keep me safe'. So when the police officer showed up, I followed what I knew. They were taken and I escaped. I was homeless for a while before a woman found me starving in the gutter and had me sent to that orphanage, where I was until it didn't pass that shitty health inspection. And now...here I am."

Eren had never once taken his eyes from Levi's face. More questions than he could keep up with were flying through his thoughts, but he couldn't find the will to open his mouth and ask a single one of them because the weight of Levi's story was still sinking in.

"You don't have to feel bad for me, Eren. Don't pity me. But if you think differently or even lesser of me, I won't blame you."

Eren shook his head. "No, Levi. I don't think differently of you. It's just...I never could have imagined..."

"Yeah. I kinda figured."

"I have a lot of questions though."

"Such as?"

"Earlier you said 'us'. He fired them to protect your mother and...'us'. Who did you mean?"

"They told me only a few weeks before they were caught that I'd had a twin. They didn't even know about her while my mother was pregnant. I guess she was tiny and weak and didn't survive an hour after birth. And they never gave her a name."

By now, Eren's heart was in his throat and it was a tough thing to swallow around. He didn't want to get choked up, but how could he not...?

"What else?" Levi asked, almost desperate to move on.

"Uhm...the police. When they found your parents. How did they not find you, too? Afterwards, I mean. There are records, right? And from going to school..."

"My parents used aliases when enrolling me. A precaution. As for hospital records or something, I don't even know the answer to that one myself."

"Oh. So what happened to your violin?"

“Left it when I ran. They gave me another when I asked in the orphanage, which is where the bow you found in our room is from. When I went to pack, the instrument itself was gone."

“I...I'm so sorry, Levi..." He knew Levi told him not to pity him, but he could think of nothing else to say.

“It's no big deal. Now I have this beauty," he said, removing a hand to stroke the tips of his fingers across the plastic of his violin case.

Eren couldn’t help but smile a bit. Suddenly his gift seemed to mean all that much more, knowing the past of the one he’d given it to. It made him feel even better for it, glad he could bring something good to someone’s life when he’d spent so many years thinking he was little more than a waste of space.

“Are you okay, though?” he found himself asking. “I mean...it just sounds like you’ve been through hell…”

“After hearing about you, my life feels like a field of flowers in comparison.” He snorted but gave Eren no window to say anything. “Yeah, I’m okay. I miss them, but I know what they were doing was wrong. And...I guess I got something good out of the whole thing.”

“You mean other than a new violin?”

“Yeah.”

“What?”

“To meet a shitty brat.”

The grin wasn’t on his lips but in his eyes, and Eren felt his whole face light up, not even minding the ‘rude’ nickname a single bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not eventually post an original story over on my wattpad (PorcelainSky), and I'm just curious how many of you may be interested in that? If not, it's totally cool; I understand this is a place for fanworks, so. ;) Just let me know, lovelies~ (And working on something original won't cause me to abandon my fics, but if I'm serious about being a true author someday, I can't write fanfiction forever ;) )
> 
> And thank you for being so patient with lack of updates over the past month. I'm getting back in the swing of things with my fics and I'm gonna do my best to have a new chapter of Lucid Dreamer up within the next week or so for anyone who's reading that. ;*♥


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the short length of this chapter. The next one should be longer and will probably be out within the week~

“Eren. Hey, kid. Wake up.”

Eren peeled his sleepy eyes open to the dimly lit car of the train. His neck was stiff, his right hand asleep, but he was unbelievably warm and comfortable otherwise. Sighing, he sat up, seeking out the source of the voice. Sure enough, Levi was looking down at him, something of an amused sparkle in his eye as Eren sat all the way up from having been leaning on his shoulder.

Initially, his reaction was to jerk away and sheepishly apologize, but the soft, barely there smile on Levi’s face kept him close, and he even managed a small, sleepy grin in return.

“We made it,” Levi murmured. His sentence was punctuated by the train jerking to a stop.

Eren directed his attention out the window where, sure enough, the familiarity of the town was lit up in manmade light. The sun had clearly been down for a while.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“Almost 9 PM,” Levi said. “C’mon, let’s get our stuff and get ready to get off.”

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes (or attempting to, at least), Eren stood up to help Levi pull their belongings from the overhead compartment. Only a moment later, the doors swung open and the passengers began flooding off.

The night air was warm and a little more humid than it’d been at Franz and Hannah’s. Eren stayed close to Levi, who was scouting out Petra among the other people waiting to pick up their friends and family members. When they walked up to her, a smile immediately spread out across her features and she moved in to hug them both, and though it had only been a day since they’d seen her, it felt nice to be home again.

“Did you guys have fun?” she asked, smiling.

“More or less,” Levi said as Eren merely responded with a nod.

“Good, good. Come on, I parked down this way,” she said, starting down the sidewalk. They peeled themselves away from the rest of the crowd, made a quick stop to use the restroom, and made it to the car. “How was the cemetery?” Petra asked once they were headed down the road.

Eren found himself swallowing hard, and even Levi’s eyes found him expectantly.

“It was...nice,” he murmured, looking down at his hands where they fidgeted in his lap. “Peaceful.”

“Glad to hear it,” Petra said. Eren expected her to ask more about it, but she didn’t. Instead she moved on to other things - if they liked Franz and Hannah, if they slept well, ate enough. Eren found himself telling her about the fireflies and Levi’s playing, unaware at first of how fluttery it made his insides feel in just speaking about it.

Once home, Petra helped them carry their things inside as quietly as possible. Everyone except Oluo was already fast asleep, but Eren was all too happy to be greeted by a cat whose tail stuck straight up in the air when he entered their bedroom. She stretched out her front legs before stalking in his direction, giving a small meow as he knelt down and scooped her up, smiling face nuzzling into her soft fur.

“You two can wait until morning to unpack if you’d rather just go to bed,” Petra said quietly. After that, she said goodnight and left them alone once again.

Not fifteen minutes later, Eren was curling up on his side around Zoë, pajamas on and teeth brushed, sighing lightly and contentedly as he relaxed into his pillows. On the other side of the room, Levi was just tugging his night shirt over his head before he, too, slipped between his sheets, facing Eren.

“Nice to have a bed to yourself again?” Levi murmured just after switching his light off.

Eren coaxed his eyelids back open to the darkness; he couldn't really see more than a dark outline of Levi. “I...didn’t mind sharing so much,” he admitted quietly with a half laugh. “It was warmer, at least.”

Levi huffed almost sarcastically. “Are you saying you’re cold even though it’s the middle of summer?”

Eren swallowed. “Well, no. Not...exactly…?” he squeaked, partially wishing he’d just kept his mouth shut to spare himself the embarrassment.

But Levi didn’t seem to mind in the least. In fact, he snorted as he sat up and moved to the edge of his bed. Before Eren could fully process what was happening, Levi had stood up and taken the half step between their beds. “Move over, then,” he said.

Eren scrambled to do so, scooting back until he felt the downward curve of the edge of his bed before Levi maneuvered his way in beside him. Eren’s eyes darted toward the door - still shut tight, but unlocked. He couldn't imagine what might happen if someone - especially Petra or Oluo - ended up walking in. But as soon as he felt the extra warmth emanating from Levi, he decided he didn’t much care. Plus, Levi was a pretty good liar, right? Surely they could come up with something…

“The hell are you thinking so hard about, kid?” Levi muttered.

“Wha...oh, nothing,” Eren mumbled, keeping his eyes averted from directly meeting Levi’s.

From her place above their heads, Zoë stood up, arched her back in a stretch, and curled up once more the other way, otherwise unbothered by them.

“D’you want me to move back?” Levi half-whispered.

“No,” Eren mumbled quietly.

Levi huffed out something akin to a laugh and rotated onto his back. “If you get too crowded…”

“I’m okay,” Eren said softly, finding himself smiling. Part of him wanted to move closer to Levi and snuggle up next to him...maybe rest his head against his shoulder or wrap an arm around his waist, but his better sense told him it wasn’t a good idea. In order to keep himself from doing something stupid, he, too, rolled onto his back and folded his arms over his stomach before shutting his eyes.

Neither of them said a word for a long while. The only noise was the sound of their soft breathing, maybe the crick of the house settling every once in a while. And Eren was very, very aware of the body just inches away from his own - warm, solid. It felt like...home.

“L-Levi?” Eren whispered, peeking just one eye open to the darkness.

“Mm?” Levi grunted softly.

“Ah...nothing. Just wondering if you were still awake…” Eren swallowed hard, peeling his other eye open.

“Yeah.” Levi shifted a bit; Eren tightened his arms over himself. “You okay, kid?”

“What?” Eren blurted quickly.

“You’re tense. Jumpy. What’s with that?”

“Nothing.”

“...sure you don't want me to move back?”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

Levi huffed again, clearly amused, and butterflies exploded in Eren’s stomach. He felt Levi shifting again and when it stopped, he cut his eyes to the right to find he’d turned on his other side, his back facing Eren.

“‘Kay. Night, then.”

“Uhm, yeah…” Eren moved the same, curling up on his left side and taking a chance to press his back gently against Levi’s. “G-Goodnight…”

But trying to sleep would be hopeless, he was certain. With Levi so close, with these butterflies so alive in his stomach and his nerves on edge, he knew there would be no sleeping for him for a while at the very least.

He tried not to think about how much it didn't make sense; he’d slept this close to Levi the previous night and was fine. He slept in the same room with Levi almost every night and had been fine. Why all the sudden…?

“Can...can I tell you something?” he found himself asking.

“Sure.”

“I...ah, never mind.” He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to grit his teeth.

“Tell me,” Levi coaxed. “You can't just ask me if you can tell me something and then not say it.”

He had a point. “It’s just...it’s dumb,” he whispered.

“Still.” A moment of silence. “Well?”

Eren forced a hard swallow and took a few deep breaths. He could practically _feel_ Levi waiting, and in a snap decision decided to just come out with it.

“I…” He huffed and blurted the words out. “I’m in love with you, Levi.”


	19. XIX

The weight of Eren’s sudden and unexpected confession draped heavily over the both of them. Eren’s breath was caught in his throat, his eyes stung from lack of blinking for several long, dragged out seconds. While his body was still and tense, the air in the room just as frozen as if it was waiting for something, his mind was spinning for ways to blow away the awkwardness, to make it seem as lighthearted as it felt despite not having completely intended to blurt it out in the first place.

_Maybe I should apologize_ , he couldn’t help but think. _Or tell him I’m kidding. Or that I didn't mean to say_ in _love_ …

But words were lost on his tongue. All he could do was focus on the contact of their backs pressed against one another and the fact that it had been several long, agonizing seconds with no sign that Levi was going to respond or even react.

The seconds then dragged into minutes, and Eren lost all hope of getting a response. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a small chance of curling up into a little ball as if that would eliminate his existence.

And when Levi finally did speak in a soft, gentle voice, it wasn’t anywhere near what Eren hoped he might say.

“Get some sleep, Eren.”

But it hadn’t been a complete rejection, either, which was a good thing...he hoped.

If sleep was lost on him before, it was temporarily nonexistent now. The minutes continued to drag on into an hour, and that hour extended into another and another with the moment playing itself over and over and over in his mind as he tried to think of ways to cushion himself as he fell, or to turn things back around, away from ruination caused by a few, measly little words.

Eventually he must’ve fallen asleep, though, because the next thing he knew he was becoming once again aware of the bedroom around him. The morning light was dim, as usual, and the air was cool. Eren untangled himself from still being curled up on his side and stretched out, noting how stiff his joints were from being in one position for so long.

When he caught sight of Levi’s neatly made up bed, though, it hit him - the memory of the previous night, and the confession he let slip. His body stiffened, and his eyes darted to the door. It was still shut, and of course, Levi was nowhere to be seen.

_Oh god_ , he thought. _I've messed everything up…_

But he couldn’t know that for sure.

He made his way out of bed, to the door, and poked his head out into the hall. Finding it empty, he tiptoed out and directly into the bathroom where he relieved himself, flattened his hair as best he could, and tiptoed down the stairs. About halfway down, Zoë darted past him and zoomed into the dining room where the normal sounds of breakfast were eliciting from. Sucking in a deep breath, he made it the rest of the way to the bottom floor and strode casually into the kitchen. Only Petra was there, flipping the last of the pancakes in a pan.

“Good morning, Eren,” she said softly with a fond smile. “Hungry?” He merely nodded. “Help yourself.”

He slid a plate from the small stack on the counter and put two pancakes on his plate. After grabbing a fork, he padded silently into the dining room where the rest of his foster family sat, munching away on their own pancakes. Oluo was talking to Marco about his math homework, Annie was texting, and Mikasa was sketching, her plate already empty. Levi sat on the other side of Oluo, silently chewing with his eyes pointed at the table in front of him. The only seat available was across from him, next to Annie, besides the one that was clearly Petra’s seat.

_Maybe he forgot_ … Eren pondered as he slid into the empty seat. He drizzled his pancakes with syrup before taking a tentative bite; Levi didn’t so much as look up upon his arrival, leaving the meal to be somewhat awkward, the only thing to alleviate it being chatter from Oluo, Marco, Petra, and occasionally Mikasa.

The rest of the day followed suit. During class, Levi sat a seat away from him where he’d normally be seated right beside him. Instead of joining him in the sunroom to read and study a bit afterwards, he disappeared upstairs. Lunch was virtually the same as breakfast, and dinner during the evening, between which Levi sat at the picnic table outside while Eren was on the swing set, where he’d sat in hopes Levi might join him.

The longer Levi seemed to be avoiding him, the more and more idiotic he felt. He’d screwed up their friendship and he knew it. It hurt, but he couldn't blame Levi; surely he’d act similarly after an unexpected confession of love like that.

And yet, after having said it aloud to Levi, he realized just how true the words were. Prior to this, he had no idea what love was supposed to feel like or what it was like to feel for someone in that way, but every time he looked at Levi, there was a kind of warmth radiating inside of him. He felt a pull toward Levi, and being around him felt like...home.

_Home_ , he thought. Not the first time he’d used that word to describe the way he felt around Levi. _Though I’m not sure I know what ‘home’ is anymore..._

But with Levi avoiding him like this, in the way he had when they first met, thrusting them back to square one and knowing it was entirely his fault, disappointment, unease, and even something he could really only describe as heartache was ever-present within his core. It felt lonely sitting on that swing set, staring at the dirt he kicked up gently despite Marco beside him, swinging happily until he’d stopped and asked if he was alright. Eren had only given him a small nod in response; Marco invited him to play video games with him later before running off. Soon after, Lucy wandered up, panting and tail wagging. She’d sat in front of him and rested her chin on his knee, and he knew she just knew.

That night it was Eren’s turn to help clean up after dinner. As he stood at the sink scrubbing the dishes with hot soapy water and a sponge, Petra approached him.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” he mumbled, hoping his ‘confusion’ would come off as sincere.

“You seem distant today. You and Levi both. I wanted to make sure nothing happened between you two. Did something happen on your trip?”

“Uhm, no,” Eren said quietly, deliberately keeping his eyes pointed down at his task at hand. “No, nothing happened.”

“Okay, hon. Are _you_ okay, then?” she murmured, ruffling his hair a bit. “I know it must’ve been hard…” She didn't have to specify for Eren to know what she was referring to.

“I’m okay,” he said. “Mostly.”

Petra nodded slowly. “Okay, sweetheart. If you need to talk or anything, you know where to find me. Or Oluo, of course.” She gave him a small squeeze before taking the dried dishes and stashing them away once more.

Afterwards, he decided to take Marco up on his offer and sat in the living room with him, watching him play through one of his video games and doing his absolute best to keep his mind away from his mother and away from Levi. Even still, he politely refused each time Marco offered to let him play.

And when bedtime rolled around, he took his place down in the corner of the sectional in the sunroom, curling up with Zoë and turning his head to gaze up at the clear sky. He couldn’t shake the heavy feeling of loneliness pressing down on him but purposely fended off sleep to keep the _dream_ away. If it was this painful in waking hours, he couldn’t imagine the way it would feel in such a vivid dream, as well.

But he was only alone for a few minutes before the door opened and his head snapped up. A small wave of deja vu washed over as he watched Levi gently shut the door behind him and tiptoe in the room. Immediately, his stomach flopped in nervous anticipation.

“L-Levi?” he squeaked, hoping the spark of hope he felt couldn’t be heard in his voice.

The raven said nothing as he approached and sunk down onto the couch a cushion away from Eren.

“Is...a-are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Levi said, eyes never meeting Eren’s. “You?”

Eren’s brows tugged together. “What do you mean?”

A heavy sigh let loose from Levi’s throat as he ran a hand tiredly through his hair. “I’ve been a shitty person to you all day,” he muttered. “And I feel like a dick because of it.”

“Oh…” It was Eren’s turn to avert his eyes; he began fidgeting with the blanket bunched up in his lap. “I don’t really blame you,” he said in a small voice, followed by a dry, humorless laugh.

“Hmph, why? Because of what you said last night?”

Timidly, Eren nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“No, kid. Don’t be. I am.”

“It’s okay.”

“Really, Eren? That’s it? You’re not even mad at me?”

Again Eren lifted his head, his frown returning. “Why should I be mad?”

Levi flopped back into the arm of the couch, running a hand through his hair and sighing once again. “You really are clueless sometimes…” he mused. “You should be mad because I avoided you all day for a stupid reason. When I heard you ask Petra to sleep down here tonight, I remembered when you told me about that dream you have...where everyone leaves you, and seeing the look on your face…” He shook his head. “Shit. I know it’s only been a day, but I feel like an asshole.”

“You’re not obligated to...to talk to me, Levi. To be my friend...or anything like that. Okay? So you don’t have to feel bad. I mean, I’m the one who blurted that out...out of nowhere…”

“Well, yeah…” Levi sat up. “I have to admit it took me off guard.” He scooted closer to Eren onto the cushion that’d separated him.

“Sorry,” Eren mumbled again, timid.

“Stop saying that, kid. It’s not like there isn’t a reason for it.”

“Wait...for what? For it taking you off guard?”

Levi dipped his head in a nod. “Yeah.”

Eren waited for him to say more, to elaborate on what he meant, but when Levi hesitated, he couldn’t help but press with a quiet, “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Levi sighed, fingers raking through his hair again. “Shit, I’m horrible with words,” he muttered frustratedly. “I mean I didn’t...expect you to confess like that, obviously. I didn’t think...” He blew out a long breath, his eyes lifting up to Eren’s, who was staring at him, dumbfounded. “You have no idea what I’m trying to say, do you?”

“Um…no?” Eren said.

“Fuck,” Levi let out through a breathy, humorless laugh, shaking his head.

“Are you okay, Levi?” Eren asked, a genuinely concerned frown settling back in. Levi was acting...off, and Eren couldn’t figure it out.

“No, kid, I’m not.”

“Wha-”

“You've fucked me up in ways I didn’t think were possible. For me, I mean. And that’s not a bad thing.”

“What...what are you talking about?” Eren’s heart was pounding a mile a minute, thudding relentlessly against his ribcage like it was trying to break out of his chest. His stomach was tight but fluttery at the same time, and he wished more than anything that Levi would explain what he was trying to say.

Levi sighed for the umpteenth time, frustration playing within it. His hand finally dropped from his hair and into his lap, eyes locking directly on Eren’s. In that second, the brunet felt himself freeze; there was something different about his gaze, something more intense. Still, it was clearer somehow, from the stoic, shielded smoldering Eren was used to, and he _swore_ he felt his heart stutter for just a second.

“You know what? Fuck it,” Levi muttered.

Eren’s mouth was still in the middle of forming yet another question when Levi’s soft palm met the curve of his jaw, causing a soft, involuntary gasp draw in, twisting his tongue and tangling any words he might’ve managed to say to oblivion. He had very little time to react to--let alone process--what was happening in the short two seconds he had before it happened.

Eren had no idea how to kiss. Had no idea of what to expect when it happened for the first time, especially being as unprepared as he was. All he could remember was thinking about how Levi’s lips were _impossibly_ soft, his warm fingers gentle as they cradled the sides of his jaw.

And he wanted to kiss back--wanted to with everything in him--but his mind was so preoccupied with the raw _shock_ of it all and the feeling of Levi pressing so close, the feeling of his warmth and his almost desperate attempt to get a response out of Eren, he could do nothing more than remain virtually frozen, completely lost in the moment.


	20. XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is weird. Sorry. >.

“Sh-shit,” Levi stammered as he yanked himself back, breaking all contact with the other. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, burying his face in his hands, tangling his fingers through his bangs and curling them into fists. “I...I should _not_ have done that. I’m sorry, Eren.” Shaking his head back and forth, he ground his teeth together.

Eren himself was utterly speechless. His hands were suspended in midair, like he’d been wanting to reach out for Levi but felt conflicted halfway through.

“‘M sorry, kid. That...that was totally uncalled for.” He shook his head back and forth hard before yanking his hands from his hair and standing up with an awkward, frustrated huff that sounded like something between a sigh and a sarcastic laugh. He began pacing, dragging his socks along the carpet and continued muttering; half the things out of his mouth were unintelligible to Eren’s ears. “...fuck. If I was a dick before, I’m a fucking…”

Eren’s eyes followed him back and forth several times, brain reeling in confusion while his lips still tingled. He could almost still feel Levi’s hands tenderly cradling the sides of his head…

“Levi,” he finally managed, reaching out and snatching his wrist, stopping him from his pacing. As soon as their skin met, a spark of static flashed between them, a tiny click sounding in time with it causing them both to flinch at the mild pain.

“Sorry…” Levi muttered for the umpteenth time.

Eren shook his head, brushing the apology off and tugging him back toward himself. “Isn’t it supposed to be my job to say sorry a lot?” he joked lightheartedly, smiling a bit.

“Hmph. _You’re_ not the one who just fucking kissed _me_ on a ridiculous impulse,” Levi grumbled.

Unconsciously, Eren’s smile widened. “No, but...well, I’m not really complaining...”

Just like that, Levi’s face twisted up in bafflement, his eyes intently searching Eren’s before he was tugged back onto the couch. Suddenly, though, Eren’s smile vanished. “Wait…” he mumbled. “You didn't do that just because of what I said, d-did you…?”

And then Levi laughed. He _laughed_ , the way you laugh when you’ve heard something absolutely ridiculous. It was short-lived, but it still managed to erupt butterflies in Eren’s stomach, even send tingles down his spine.

Levi flopped backwards, shaking his head. “I can’t believe how clueless you are,” he said lightly, amusement still laced in his voice.

“Wait...what?” Eren mumbled stupidly, completely baffled about what about his question amused Levi so much. Still, he felt that inevitable heat rising to his cheeks and the urge to cover his face when the other sat up again, his eyes glossed over with something Eren had never seen in them before; they were brighter somehow, and they completely captivated Eren.

“Listen, kid,” Levi began softly, “I didn’t expect you...to be the one to confess first.” He cleared his throat in uneasiness. “Actually, shit...I didn’t expect you to at all. I didn't think you...er...felt that way, too.” He rubbed a hand across his mouth, just slightly shaking his head. “So I hadn’t planned on saying anything, either. So when you said that, it seriously threw me off.”

“I...I’m s-” A warm finger pressing to his lips cut Eren off; he swallowed hard in nervous anticipation.

“I swear to god, Eren, if you say the word ‘sorry’ one more time I might just lose my freaking mind.”

Eren blinked at him before reaching up and gently pulling Levi’s hand away from his mouth, keeping hold of it and resting them down in his lap. “Okay,” he mumbled awkwardly. “I just...I didn't _mean_ to blurt it out like that, so…”

Levi cocked a brow. “Clearly. But do _you_ see _me_ complaining?”

Eren’s smile returned, if just by a little. “So...I guess it’s safe to say it’s mutual,” he murmured.

Levi felt Eren’s warm fingers tighten just a bit between his own as he spoke. “Yeah, I’d say so,” he agreed, voice equally as soft.

“But…” Eren sucked in a deep breath.

“But?”

“Is it...even allowed?” His voice was so quiet, Levi could barely hear him. “I mean, with Petra. With...being in the same foster home. What are we supposed to do about it, anyway?”

For a second, Eren swore he saw the corners of Levi’s mouth turn up. “Who says they have to know?”

“You mean...you’re okay with that? With lying?”

“I don’t consider it ‘lying’, though. More like hiding the truth. Not telling them isn't telling them something that isn’t true.”

At that point a full-on smile broke through Eren’s features and the next thing Levi knew, the boy was practically in his lap with his arms thrown around his neck. Complete and utter happiness radiated off of him; it was a kind of happiness, so raw and _real_ , that Levi had never seen from him. And oddly enough, the same kind of warmth flooded through himself as well and he slid his arms around the boy’s ribs.

“You know what we should do?” whispered Eren excitedly, his eyes shining brighter than Levi had ever witnessed before; it left his stomach fluttering.

“No, but I get the feeling you’re gonna tell me.” A smile of his own was creeping its way into Levi’s features.

“Blanket fort,” Eren declared, holding up a finger. “It’s been a while since our last one.”

“Alright,” Levi agreed. Really, how could he say no to those eyes, that radiant smile?

As they pulled the blankets from the closet, dragged the dining room chairs back into the sunroom and arranged them in much the same fashion as the last time, and draped them over the tops, securing them with twist ties again before dragging other blankets, pillows, a flashlight, and a cat inside the small enclosure, Eren couldn’t stop smiling. The last time he recalled being this immeasurably happy was before his mother passed away, when he was still so young and naïve to the horrors of the world.

“Levi?” he murmured after clicking the flashlight off. The two laid so close their shoulders were flush against each other as they laid on their backs.

“Mm?” Levi hummed.

“I...ah, sorry it was so awkward…” he mumbled uneasily, unsure of how exactly to get out just what he wanted to say.

“I told you to stop saying that.” The words might’ve been a little harsh, but his tone was anything but.

“I know. But I mean….when you, uh…” Eren gulped, heat flooding his neck, his face, all the way up to the tips of his ears. “When you…k-kissed me…” he squeaked. “I just...ah, crap…” He threw his arms over his face, the urge to apologize again strong, but he refrained.

Levi chuckled. “Didn’t know what you were doing?” he guessed.

“Yeah. Exactly,” Eren mumbled between his elbows. “And I wasn’t expecting it, so…”

“Hm, yeah. Neither was I, really. And neither did I. I just sorta…” Now it was Levi who was unable to finish his sentence, feeling impossibly awkward.

Eren let out a soft giggle, rolling onto his side to face the other and only bringing their bodies closer. “We're pretty shitty at this, huh?” he sighed.

“Only a ton,” Levi grunted, turning his head just enough to face Eren again. “So why’d you bring it back up? Just to apologize and make everything awkward as hell again?”

“...mostly the apology part,” Eren whispered, curling up a bit.

Seconds of silence passed. They knew they were both thinking the same thing, though neither of them could seem to muster up the courage to say it out loud. Eren was just building up the guts when Levi sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“What?” he whispered.

“You wanna try it again, don’t you?”

“Wh-what?” Eren sputtered, the heat in his face returning instantaneously.

Suddenly, Levi was sitting up. “Come here,” he said softly.

“L-Levi…” Eren gulped.

“C’mon kid, before I lose what little confidence I’ve got left.”

The younger scrambled to sit up, fumbling for the flashlight in the process. He flicked it on and set it aside facing away from them and turned to find Levi only about a foot away as he swiveled himself in Eren’s direction and crossed his legs, his face somehow remaining impassive.

“Are you sure about this?” Eren whispered, doing the same, though he knew about the wild blush broken out over his cheeks and heating his ears but could do nothing to stop it.

“Yeah. If you are.”

Eren bit down on the inside of his right cheek, eyes darting anywhere but Levi’s face. “I...I am, but...I just have no idea what I’m doing…” he admitted again sheepishly.

“Neither do I,” Levi reminded him. “Either we do it or we don’t, kid. It’s not like I’m gonna force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

A smile found Eren’s features as he was finally able to meet Levi’s eyes in the dim light again. He sucked in a deep breath and huffed it out, trying to build at least a little confidence in himself until another anxious thought wormed its way into his head.

“What if someone comes down here?” he whispered worriedly, eyes darting toward the door bordering the sunroom from the rest of the house despite the fact that he couldn’t see it.

“It’s not like they’ll see us. We’ll...fuck, I don’t know, pretend to be talking?”

Eren let out a nervous laugh. “R-Right…”

An awkward silence fell over, and again Eren found himself to be staring everywhere but at Levi, ravenous butterflies occupying his stomach, his heart racing a mile a minute. Trying to build up his own courage was futile, and Levi was no longer saying anything either.

Just as he was about to give up and tell Levi never mind before curling back up under his blankets and waiting to fall asleep to escape the awkwardness, Levi murmured his name and a warm finger lifted his chin just slightly. A small gasp drew in between Eren’s lips.

In one last burst of courage, Levi leaned forward and captured Eren’s slightly parted lips once more, gently keeping hold of his chin. Without really thinking about it, Eren was kissing him back, tentatively following his lead.

For just a few seconds, the rest of the world seemed to disappear. For both, it was just them and the soft, experimental and almost timid way their mouths moved together. Neither of them dared to venture past the lips as they were both only getting their first feel for what it was really like, and they both felt as if their insides were electrified.

Eren swore Levi’s lips felt softer than butter, like he could just melt right into them and end up little more than a puddle in his lap. He never wanted it to end.

Just as he was the one to initiate it, Levi was the first to pull back, though he remained close with his eyes still shut. He could feel Eren’s elevated breathing brushing softly over his face and his fingers lightly gripping at his thighs just above the knees.

Levi hummed as if he were about to say something just as Eren pulled back a little, causing both of them to open their eyes. Levi found Eren to fashion a wide smile across his features and at the sight of it, completely lost track of what he’d intended to say. His hand dropped from where it was still gently cupping the other’s chin, but Eren caught it, weaving their fingers together as his other lifted to in turn cup Levi’s jaw, his bright eyes searching his face as the pad of his thumb just barely ghosted over Levi’s bottom lip, careful to avoid the ring.

“What…?” Levi barely managed in a whisper; it was as if the sight of Eren’s smile sucked all the breath from his body.

“Oh...nothing,” Eren mumbled quickly, suddenly realizing what he’d just done and dropping his hand. “Sor--” He bit down on his own lip, chuckling a little.

Levi let loose a soft snort. “What am I gonna do with you, kid?” he mused.

Eren chuckled again, rubbing his neck.

“We should probably get some sleep,” Levi said after a moment of merely watching him.

“Yeah. Okay,” Eren agreed. “But I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep now, honestly.”

“Why not?” questioned Levi as he laid back down, tugging the other along with and repositioning the flashlight between them, pointing toward their feet. Even in the dim light facing away from them, Eren’s eyes still shined like emeralds.

“Because I don’t think it’s possible to sleep when you’re this happy.”

It was Levi’s turn to chuckle as he willingly let Eren cuddle up beside him before making the decision to switch the light off.

“So you’re that happy, huh?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever _been_ this happy.” Eren’s smile was apparent in his voice.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm. Me either, I guess.”

That only made Eren smile more - so much so that his cheeks were becoming sore, but he couldn’t say he minded it.

That night, they both slept without a trace of a nightmare.


	21. XXI

Eren awoke in a cloud of bliss. He was warm, almost too warm, his skin damp with sweat and his clothes sticking to him a bit, but he was _happy_. He was still curled up beside Levi, head tucked beside his shoulder, hand still resting on top of his stomach. The blankets were gone; the two of them must have kicked them off in their sleep sometime during the night.

Before he even opened his eyes, a smile was tugging its way at Eren’s lips. He had no desire to move and only stretched his legs out to snuggle a bit closer. Peeping an eye open revealed the sun shining atop their blanket fort, letting a soft yellow light filter through. Zoe was nowhere to be seen; he could only assume she’d left a while ago to wander around or curl up somewhere else as she usually did. The rest of the room was virtually silent.

With a contented sigh, Eren opened his other eye and tilted his head up, searching for Levi’s face. The other remained asleep, his hair feathered across his forehead with a peaceful expression relaxed over the rest of his face.

Eren didn’t have the heart to wake him, so instead settled in to gaze at him for a while; watching the way his chest rose and fell with the slow breaths through his nose. Watching the way his eyes beneath their lids would occasionally flick, or the corner of his mouth would twitch. The overwhelming urge to gently brush away Levi’s hair and trace his delicate features with just the tip of his finger came over him and to stop himself from doing so, he balled his fists up between his thighs.

As he laid there in his own bliss and the comfort of Levi’s presence, Eren realized how much he wanted every day to be like this - to be able to wake up next to someone so important to him every morning and to feel this immeasurably happy. He wanted it every day for the rest of his life, no matter what. He wanted it _so much_ …

His thoughts were cut off by the soft sound of a sleepy groan and the sight of Levi’s gray irises just barely coming into view. An involuntary smile spread across his face.

“Hey, brat,” Levi mumbled sleepily, the words almost unintelligible.

“Morning,” Eren murmured softly. “Sleep well?”

“Mm...yeah,” grunted the older. “You?”

“Yeah. Me, too.”

A sigh blew past Levi’s lips as he sat himself up, stretching his arms up over his head. Eren couldn’t help but sneak a glimpse at the tiny sliver of skin exposed as the end of his shirt rode up but quickly averted his eyes.

“What time is it?” Levi asked when he finished stretching, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh, uh...I have no idea,” Eren said with a small laugh, sitting up as well.

“Hm. Kay...well I have to use the bathroom so I’ll go check.” Levi didn’t spare him a backwards glance as he crawled out of the fort.

Still floating in bliss, Eren worked on gathering all the blankets they’d used to sleep with and taking them out of the fort before starting on taking the fort itself down. He was just barely beginning to fold up the blankets when Levi returned looking a little more awake but still with an arm up his shirt scratching his stomach.

“Only a little after nine, but Mikasa and Marco are already up…’n I think Petra was too, but she was still in the bathroom.”

Eren nodded. Levi moved in to help him fold the blankets. When they finished and stacked them up to carry back to the closet, they dragged the chairs back to the dining room and shuffled in to join Mikasa and Marco in the living room where Mikasa was, typically, sketching and Marco had his eyes fixed on the morning cartoons.

Eren did his best to keep his smile reserved as he sunk down onto the floor beside Levi, keeping close enough for their thighs to touch without raising any suspicion.

It wasn’t long before Petra was down, greeting everyone with smiles and ‘good morning’s before she headed to the kitchen to start breakfast. Soon the smell of frying bacon and omelettes drifted into the room and Eren wrinkled his nose at the scent of the pork- an instinctual reflex.

“The brat doesn’t even like bacon,” Levi muttered, shaking his head a bit in disapproval.

“Pigs,” Eren muttered back. “I like pigs. I don’t want to eat them.”

The raven snorted through his nose and rolled his eyes. “Guess that’s fair,” he said. “More for me, though.”

Eren couldn’t help his look of dissatisfaction, but it soon faded out into a smile when he noted that the very corners of Levi’s lips tilted upward and his eyes sparkled a bit in amusement.

Petra called them in for breakfast soon after; Eren was happy to dig right into his omelette and side of potatoes while Levi piled several pieces of bacon onto his plate, a mischievous glint in his eye while Eren watched in disappointment, shaking his head before they ventured into the dining room one after the other.

“Levi, dear, after breakfast we should get back to work,” Petra said a ways into the meal.

“‘Kay,” he mumbled after swallowing, never really meeting the woman’s eyes.

“Back to work on what?” Eren whispered to him once Petra turned her attention elsewhere.

Levi sunk the tines of his fork into his omelette, staring downward. “College stuff,” he mumbled back quietly.

“...oh.”

And just like that, the bliss and absolute happiness that had followed him from last night twisted up into an inevitable sense of dread. Admittedly, for those few little hours, Eren had let himself forget about the fact that Levi had an impending eighteenth birthday that, if he wasn't in school full time, he’d practically be kicked right out of the foster system and there was very little Petra or anyone else could do about it.

School was only a few short months away, too, if that was the path he’d end up taking. It gave Eren a little less than three months with him, about seven weeks, roughly, depending on when he’d leave.

Suddenly his omelette didn’t taste so good. Still, he forced it down and chased it quickly with his orange juice before excusing himself and scurrying into the kitchen to clean off his stuff and nearly book it up the stairs and into their room where he wedged himself between his bed and the wall, fruitlessly willing away the dread and loneliness.

_Everyone always leaves…_

~

An hour or so later, Levi found Eren in the same spot, huddled in on himself with a book resting upon his knees as he held it open with a frown set in his features, and he swore his eyes were a little bloodshot.

“Hey,” he said upon approach, stopping at the end of Eren’s bed.

The younger slowly looked up. “Hey,” he mumbled, voice barely there. “How’d it go?”

“Fine,” Levi quipped. “What about you? You alright?”

A tiny, insincere smile twitched at the left side of Eren’s mouth and he folded his book closed, pressing it down against his knees. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Levi didn’t miss he didn’t come close to meeting his eyes as he spoke.

“Sure? Doesn’t really seem like it, what with you hurrying out of breakfast the way you did.” He sunk down on the edge of the bed, never taking his eyes from the other.

“Yeah. I am,” Eren insisted.

“Then come here.”

Eren hesitated, his eyes lifting to Levi’s, making no move to stand up. When Levi arched a brow, though, he let loose a small sigh and rose to his feet only to perch himself beside the raven, though he didn’t sit as close as he normally would have.

“So, guess I should tell you…” Levi began.

“T-tell me what?”

The raven sighed, running a hand over his face and flopping backwards onto the bed. “Because I’m a foster kid, I won a scholarship...a pretty big one, too.” He stared up at the ceiling, suddenly finding himself to be the one afraid to meet the other’s gaze. “Ten thousand dollars.”

Eren felt his eyes widen. “Wow,” he said. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Levi said with a huffed laugh. “And a few grants and such. And I was accepted into a few schools, too. Most of them are...sort of nearby. Another a little bit closer. I haven’t decided which one I should choose yet, but Petra says because I wanna major in music, I should pick the one that...heh, happens to be the furthest away because they’ve got the best program.” His eyes shut. “But…”

“But?” Eren managed past the growing lump in his throat.

“Shit, kid, are you gonna make me say it?” he grumbled, throwing an arm over his face.

“Say what?” Eren’s stomach churned, hoping with all his might that he knew what Levi was getting at but not wanting to be wrong at the same time.

“But if I go,” he began slowly, just as his eyes open. When they found Eren’s, he sat up. “If I go, I’ll have to stay in the dorm because going back and forth between here and there isn’t worth it since it’s too far away. I’ll still _technically_ live here, but I won’t. Make sense?”

Eren nodded slowly. Of course it made sense. It meant that he wouldn’t see Levi for a long time if he went, or perhaps even meant he’d never see him again. His stomach twisted painfully at the mere thought.

Levi’s eyes fell again. “I haven’t decided yet, alright? Petra says the decision is ultimately mine. If I stay at the nearest school, I’ll have a choice between living on campus or commuting back and forth by bus between here and there...and fortunately, aside from the other, that one has the best music program.”

“Okay…” Eren murmured, fiddling with the end of his t-shirt. “But why...do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me?”

Levi sighed yet again. “Because there is. There are a lot of benefits to living on campus. It’s less travel time and I’ll have better access to the internet and a computer. It might be more expensive, but it’ll give me a better sense of independence. And I can get an on-campus job, so I’ll be making money to pay for my own shit, and it’ll help me get on my own two feet faster.”

Eren was nodding as he spoke, though his teeth remained clenched as he did everything he could to keep his tears at bay. “I understand,” he murmured. “I think it’s great that you’ve gotten into all these colleges and stuff. I’m glad you have an opportunity to do things for yourself after all the stuff you’ve been through.” And while his words were shaky, he meant them from the very core of his being.

“Thanks, Eren.”

Eren couldn’t deny the warmth flooding through him and the fluttering of his stomach at the sound of Levi saying his name, and he managed a real smile. “Sure. At least one of us has something good to look forward to.”

“Yeah. Guess all that bullshit from getting my GED was worth it.”

Eren nodded. “Wanna go down to the sunroom or outside or something?” he asked.

Levi hummed in agreement and they headed down together. All the while, Eren was forcing to the back of his mind the thoughts of impending loneliness and fear of losing the one he held closest to his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me this chapter isn't as awkward to you guys as it is to me >.< ugh. sorry. and sorry it's so short. just so you guys know, i started college and that's gonna be taking up a lot of time. i'm gonna do my best to keep writing and continue updating, but they might be further in between than they already are and again, i apologize, but i also promise i won't give up on this story. ♥ i'll also do my best to get the next chapter up fairly soon after this before homework and stuff REALLY starts to pile up.
> 
> thanks, lovelies~ ♥


	22. XXII

“Am I allowed...to ask just one thing?” Eren murmured as he kicked at the dirt below his shoe, his hands wrapped around the chains of the swingset where Levi sat right next to him.

“Mhm,” Levi murmured, watching in the sunlight as the dust flew up from the ground.

“With this whole college thing, and you probably going away soon and all that...I just wanna know...where does that...um…” He swallowed hard and pulled in a deep breath. “Where does it leave us?” he barely whispered.

Levi’s answer didn’t come instantly. With each passing second, Eren’s anxiety shot up and soon his knuckles were aching from gripping the chain so tightly.

“You’re talking about last night,” Levi murmured. Though it wasn’t formed as a question, Eren nodded. Another long moment of quiet passed; Eren forced himself to focus on something, anything, but his growing uneasiness - the slightly uncomfortable way the swing curved beneath him, the heat of the sun as it beat down on his back…

“I guess that’s up to you,” the older finally said. “I’m gonna be the one who’s leaving.” Eren couldn’t help his cringe at the word _leaving_. “If you don’t want anything out of...heh, whatever it is, I won’t blame you. I mean, shit’s changed now…”

“Are you saying you don’t?” Eren couldn’t help but ask, lifting his head.

“No.” Levi met his eyes evenly. “But if it’ll make it harder on you later…” His sentence faded out and he shrugged, knowing Eren knew what he was getting at. Neither of them wanted to say it.

It was hard for Eren, being so used to getting close to people only for them to leave him again. It would hurt in ways he knew he couldn’t even fathom if the same happened with Levi, and his first instinct was to protect himself from it. At the same time, however, his feelings for the dark-haired boy sitting a mere foot away from him were too strong to ignore. He felt an attachment to Levi unlike any other before, and a bigger, stronger part of his instincts said to hold him as tight as he could for as long as he possibly could, even if in the end it meant heartache.

“I guess we’ll never know what happens, right?” he said finally, reaching over and threading his fingers between Levi’s - not too intimate a gesture, just in case someone happened to be peering down at them from the door or an upstairs window, but affectionate enough that Levi, at least, would get the message. “Why waste an opportunity?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed just a fraction; it was impossible to even guess what he might’ve been thinking past those stormy irises, but eventually he nodded. “I agree.”

Eren’s smile helped wash away some of the dread sitting in the pit of his stomach. “Okay. Then it’s settled.” He squeezed the other’s hand for finality.

~

Over the course of the next several weeks, the two stretched their time out and made the most of each second as best they could. Eren did his absolute best to put to the back of his mind the fact that Levi would be leaving much too soon and instead focused on their unspoken promise from the swingset.

The hours upon hours they spent with each other during the day - downtime (which was most of the time), mealtimes where they’d purposely sit next to each other, any time they went anywhere as a ‘family’ - was spent with endless conversations about everything and nothing all at the same time. Levi would help Eren with his schoolwork where he could, and where he couldn’t, would silently sit beside him and watch, or perhaps read his own book to keep himself occupied. The two would sit in the sunroom talking, playing with the cat and sometimes the dog; Levi would occasionally play the violin and let Eren hold it a few times and then cringing whenever he made a horrid sound with the bow. Very quickly, Eren thrusted it back at him and shook his head, never wanting to hear such a god-awful sound again.

And among all the hours spent together, talking and laughing (more on Eren’s part than Levi’s, though Levi couldn’t deny to himself that he loved to make the brat laugh, especially after all he was learning about what he’s been through), one of them climbing into the other’s bed nearly every night, there was experimental kissing and affectionate physical contact laced in. It was awkward at first, what with the both of them being inexperienced and still trying to find things the other liked while learning about themselves in the process, but it was sort of grounding, for Eren especially. Feeling Levi’s soft lips move along against his or press warmly to his skin, feeling his fingers in his hair or dancing around the surface of himself was the best distraction to the thing he wanted to be distracted from, anyway. And Levi loved it the same, cherishing every little sigh brushing past Eren’s lips without him realizing it or the sensation of his quickened heartbeat. And it wasn’t too fast or too slow for either of them.

To each, the other felt like home.

They couldn’t deny they weren’t particularly fond of the fact that they were forced to act normal around the rest of the household, but the moments when they weren’t alone or were at risk of being caught, they cherished just the same. In those weeks, Eren found himself making memories he’d carry with him forever - simply sitting side by side in the living room while Marco was attempting to beat yet another one of his video games, giving Mikasa opinions on her drawings when she asked or helping the younger kids with their school work, or on the occasions where the family took trips together - the museum, the zoo, the mall, and the park. They would trail away from the group a little at times, and once at the park Eren raced Levi to the swings and made a bet of who could swing the highest. Levi tried his best but because Eren’s legs were just a tad longer, he was able to swing higher; but for Levi, it was worth it, because the ‘prize’ was a kiss once they were alone together again, and he was all too happy to oblige.

Being with Levi was the happiest Eren could ever remember being, but as the days went on, his anxiety about the person who was becoming his salvation leaving grew inevitably stronger.

~

“I didn’t know the library was next to a Baskin Robbins!” Eren practically gasped as the bus jerked to a stop just outside their local library where Petra allowed them to visit for a few hours so long as they were back no later than six.

“I didn’t either,” Levi murmured, leaning around him to peer out the window and see what he was talking about.

“Shoot. Now I want ice cream,” Eren mumbled in a small pout as they stood up and headed toward the door. Once on the sidewalk, he turned to look at Levi, curious about why he hadn’t replied, to see him shuffling through the small wallet he was carrying their bus money in.

“Bus fare is three dollars, right?” he asked, counting through the change the driver had given him after paying.

“Yeah, why?” Eren asked, trying to hide his growing excitement.

“Petra gave us twenty. As long as we have six left to get back, I think we can afford to share some ice cream.”

A wide grin spread out across Eren’s face but almost immediately faltered. “Do you think we’re allowed to do that?” he asked. “Don’t you think Petra might get mad?”

Levi rolled his eyes and started walking after the bus pulled noisily away from the curb. Eren automatically followed. “Have you ever known Petra to get mad about anything?” he muttered.

“Well, not _mad_ , really. But she was really upset when Annie shoplifted from the amusement park.”

“That’s _shoplifting_ , kid. And it’s not like she told us to give her the change. It’s just ice cream, anyway.”

Eren pressed his lips together, still a little uneasy about it but still all too drawn to the little shop just steps away from the library.

“I won’t tell if you won’t, kid.”

And how could Eren possibly say no to that?

After striding into the little sweet-smelling shop and taking what felt like forever to agree on a flavor and a topping, the two sat down with the little purple cup of cookie dough ice cream between them, Eren already ogling over the sprinkle-dusted dessert. Still, under the table he hooked his leg around Levi’s, something he did when he couldn’t hold his hand, before he even dug in.

“We have enough left to get back, right?”

Levi held up the five and two ones he held before sticking it back in the wallet and pocketing it. With that, Eren happily dug in, not even trying to hold back his moan of delight.

Just watching the bliss on his face, Levi’s heart warmed a little more before he, too, scooped a bite into his mouth. He wasn’t the fondest of sweets, but being with Eren and making him happy was his main goal for the moment, so he humored him by eating it (despite the fact that, in the end, he let the kid have most of the treat).

Once finished, the two sauntered back over to the library hand in hand, Eren happily walking along beside the other. He started to swing their hands between them, smiling, but Levi tugged him back, shaking his head but not without a sparkle of amusement and affection in his eyes.

The sort of musty scent of books greeted them at the door. As libraries are, the inside was quiet with a few hushed whispers here and there, the humming of a printer, and fingers clicking away at keyboards. There were check out computers and a small reception desk in the center of it all and tables where featured books were put on display.

Automatically, Eren weaved into the aisles without particularly caring what genre he was in. His eyes skimmed briefly over the titles while his hand was stretched behind him, tugging Levi along.

“So did you come here to wander around or actually read something?” Levi mumbled.

Eren shrugged. “I dunno. I just wanted to leave the house for a while with you, and I know you like books, so…”

The raven huffed and shook his head. “Dork,” he muttered. Eren merely cast a smile over his shoulder.

Eventually, the two settled down in side by side beanbag chairs in one corner of the building with a pile of different books they’d picked out from all over the shelves that had caught their eye. Eren dragged one of the chairs over to be as close as physically possible to Levi and ended up leaning over onto his chair anyway.

None of the books in their pile caught their interest, so they were back at it. After two rounds of this, Eren sighed and muttered, “Screw this. I’m gonna go find some I-Spy,” before standing up and wandering off again. He returned with six - _six_ \- different I-Spy books and plopped back down, setting the pile between them and picking the first one in the stack up and propping it on their knees.

“Sometimes I wonder if you’re actually fifteen,” Levi mused.

“Why?”

“Because you act so damn childish sometimes.”

Immediately, the brunet’s face fell. “Oh…”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing,” Levi countered, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

As quick as it had vanished, Eren’s small grin returned and he quickly lifted his chin to catch the other’s lips with his own instead. Levi grinned just a little, gently butted his head against Eren’s, and then turned his attention back to the book.

Eren flipped the cover open and allowed Levi to flip through the first few pages as he said, “My mom and I used to do these all the time when I was younger. Ya know how they have books in the dentist office and stuff? Mine had these, and she’d always distract me from my nerves with one of them. I loved them so much that she bought me one for my seventh birthday.”

Levi arched a brow. “Lose it or something?”

“...I guess you could say that,” Eren hushed. “I lost it when I moved into my first foster home.”

Levi merely hummed. “So we’re looking for these?” he said, pointing at the words at the bottom.

Eren nodded. “A green candle,” he read off, and their search commenced.

It took several hours to get through all the books they had in the library. Eren insisted upon finding every single thing in the lists despite Levi’s grumpy protests, but he let Eren have his way with it anyway. Before they knew it, the sun was much closer to the horizon and Levi’s head whipped around to the clock.

“Shit,” he hissed. “It’s quarter to six. We have to go.”

Eren looked up, too, and then they were scrambling to put all the books away and practically sprinted toward the bus stop. Levi anxiously tapped his foot on the sidewalk as they waited for the next bus to come around the corner, and when it did, it couldn’t have pulled away from the curb fast enough once they were on, paid for, and seated.

The two burst into the house after sprinting down the street and through the yard, absolutely breathless, seventeen minutes after six.

Petra emerged from the other room a few seconds later, a hand on her hip. As soon as he saw her, Eren immediately bowed his head and managed past his panting, “S-sorry, Petra…we...we lost track of time…”

“Took a few minutes for the bus to show up,” Levi added. “We got here as fast as we could.”

Surprisingly, a small smile spread out over Petra’s rosy lips. “I suppose it’s alright. You’re not that late, and you obviously understand you made a small mistake, so don’t sweat it.”

Eren’s head snapped up as Levi nodded. “Thank you,” he said.

“You made it back for dinner, at least,” the woman said. “Come on and wash up, it’s almost ready.” She nodded them back before heading in the direction of the kitchen, leaving Eren to cast a breathless smile of relief at Levi.

~

That night, Eren was the one to abandon his bed (letting Zoe curl up in the center of it) for Levi’s, pressing up against his side with his head tucked against the other’s shoulder, drawing nonsensical patterns on his arm while they laid in silence. It’d been a while since either of them said anything, and Levi’s breathing was slow and even so Eren couldn’t be sure of whether or not he’d fallen asleep yet.

In the silence with little to distract him, Eren’s anxieties about Levi’s closing in departure pushed their way forward as they often did in situations like these. He imagined the room to be empty of Levi’s things the way it was for the first month he’d lived with Petra and it left a heavy ache in his chest. He thought of how nights would be quiet and lonely again, how he would no longer wake up to the sound of the door in the sunroom opening to find Levi slipping through to join him. He thought of how there’d be no more blanket forts (it was no fun to make one alone) and no more subtle gestures in the presence of others, no more nights of cuddling such as this, no more kisses, no more, no more, no more…

Eren was pulled from his thoughts when Levi pulled his arm away and shifted his weight a bit before slipping his hand into Eren’s.

“Oh. You are awake,” the younger whispered.

“Mhm,” Levi hummed. “You’re tense as hell.”

“What? Oh.” Eren worked on relaxing himself. “Sorry.”

“Tch.”

“Want me to move?”

“No.”

“...okay.” Eren swallowed and snuggled just a bit closer, closing his eyes. “Um, Levi?”

“Hm?”

“Uhm...nothing. Just...thanks.”

“For what?”

“Today. The ice cream, and the library…it was fun.”

“Sure. Now what is it that you really wanted to say?”

Eren lifted his head, eyes opening to seek out Levi’s in the dark. When he met the other’s shiny irises he immediately looked away and rested his head down once more. “I’m that easy to see through?”

“Like glass,” retorted the older. “So?”

Eren sucked in a deep breath, keeping his eyes fixed on the desk near Levi’s bed. “I just...was wondering something.”

A beat of silence, and then, “Wondering what?”

“About you.”

The raven sighed. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Eren.”

“I do. I just don’t know how to say it.”

Levi merely waited. It took a few long moments for Eren to muster up enough courage to finally blurt it out.

“Are you scared to go to college?”

Levi snorted. “ _That’s_ what you were so scared to ask?” Involuntarily, Eren shrunk away a bit. Feeling this, Levi relented and tightened his hold on the other’s hand, a silent way of telling Eren he still didn’t want him to move. “Yeah, a little,” he whispered. “But it’s also nice to finally have something to look forward to so I can start being independent and get the hell out of the foster system.”

Eren forced away his selfish emotions, shutting his eyes to deny the tears he could feel surfacing, and nodded. “I understand,” he barely whispered. “Does that mean...you’ve decided where you wanna go?”

“Not quite. Petra says I only have a few more days to decide, too.”

Eren nodded again and curled up a bit, putting just an inch of distance between himself and the other warm body he’d been pressed up against. “I’m sure you’ll pick the right one for you,” he said in a small voice. “The one that makes you happiest.” _Even if it means leaving me forever._

All Levi managed was a small “yeah” before it fell quiet once more. Truth be told, he had a feeling he knew which school would do just that for him. He knew which one held the most opportunity for what he wanted, and because of his scholarship and such, money wasn’t really an issue - at least for the first few semesters. The issue lied with Eren - did he have the guts, the heart, the capacity to leave this kid who’d brought more light into his life than he’d experienced maybe ever? Was it worth it to go to a school so far away and leave this kid behind, just because they were said to have one of the best music programs in the state? How much would it tear each of them apart - Eren because he’d been left behind by so many people he cared about in the past; Levi because he’d just be another one of those people to add to the list and because Eren was such an integral part of him now - when he left?

Levi chased himself around in circles with these questions, an ongoing war waging inside his mind that he was still no closer to a solution for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, if you ever find a mistake in my writing - a weird sentence or a grammar/punctuation error or whatever - _please_ tell me. Thanks! ;*♥


	23. XXIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually finished this chapter in one day?? Which is weird because I don't think that's ever happened x'D Also, it kinda hurts. So... *showers everyone in tissues*

The succeeding week followed essentially the same pattern. Eren’s anxieties about Levi leaving continued to grow, just as he continued to push them away, to force himself not to think about it, and tried to enjoy what little time they had remaining.

It was only about a week after Eren dropped the question about Levi being scared to go - only a day before Petra told Levi he needed to make a decision - when they got some news. The two had been sitting up in their room after dinner one evening, sidled up to each other on Levi’s bed talking aimlessly when Petra knocked and gently pushed the door open, greeting them both with a small smile.

“Hey, boys,” she said, perching herself on the edge of Eren’s bed as the two sat up at full attention. “Levi, I’ve got some news.”

“What is it?” Levi asked as Eren’s heart jumped into his throat; he did everything he could not to show his fear on his face.

“I was just checking your enrollment status for DAU-” (the school with the good music program, Eren recalled) “-and...unfortunately, you're on the waitlist.”

Eren’s eyes automatically flicked to Levi’s face to see his reaction. While his outward expression remained virtually impassive, his eyes showed a spark of surprise. Whether he was disappointed or not, though, Eren couldn’t tell.

“So I didn’t technically get in?” he asked.

“I suppose that’s one way of putting it. You’re first on the waitlist, though. So if a spot opens up, it’s yours. I don’t know how likely it is for that to happen, though,” she explained with a sympathetic expression. “Sorry, kiddo.”

Levi shook his head. “It’s alright. Not your fault. Thanks for letting me know.”

“Of course. We’ll try again next semester if it doesn’t work out.” She smiled, rising to her feet. “By the way, the others want to watch a movie soon. You two are welcome to join.” With that, she departed the room once more.

Levi sunk back against his pillows again with a small sigh, stretching his legs out and folding his arms behind his head.

“Are you okay, Levi?” Eren asked softly, frowning as he, too, laid back alongside him.

“Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

The brunet shrugged. “Because of the news...I just thought you’d be disappointed.”

“No big deal. It’s not like that’s officially where I decided to go, anyway.”

Eren pressed his lips together, merely watching the other. He knew Levi would never admit to it, but he was fairly certain the raven had wanted to go there. He had wanted to take advantage of the money and that music program. He was disappointed, if even just a little.

“So what are you gonna do now?” Eren asked.

“Pick a different school, I guess. Probably ANU.”

“Which one is that?”

“The closest one.”

“...oh.” Suddenly, Eren could no longer look at him and reverted his attention to his hands where they fidgeted with the edge of the pillowcase. A terrible, deafening silence filled the room, and after several long moments, Eren couldn't stand it anymore.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“You’re not just gonna pick ANU because of me, are you?”

Levi lifted his head, eyes leveling with the other’s. “I wouldn’t say that’s the only reason,” he said quietly. “It was between those two, anyway.”

“Is it okay if I ask why? I mean why ANU?”

“Aside from it being closer to here?” Eren nodded. “It’s in my hometown. It’s familiar, and I like it here, believe it or not. Yeah, I have shitty memories about the place, but I figure I should make some new, better ones so I don’t have to spend my whole life resenting it,” he explained, and then tacked on, “And I might find Hanji.”

“Hanji?”

“A friend. Remember the person I told you I thought I saw when we went on our trip?”

“Oh. Yeah, I remember.”

Levi shrugged as if he were trying to remain nonchalant. “It’d be nice to see them again.”

Eren nodded, feeling a little better that he alone wasn’t the reason Levi’s second choice (despite him never having said it, Eren felt he knew) was the closer school.

And yet, surprising himself, he was disappointed right alongside Levi in knowing he likely wasn’t going to get into DAU, at least for the upcoming semester. Despite everything - having been left behind by everyone he loved and wanting to hold onto Levi with absolutely every ounce of what little strength he had left after it all - he wanted nothing more than for Levi to be happy. To be successful and to be able to make a good life for himself doing something he truly loved. Past that, Eren knew his own personal feelings shouldn’t matter so much.

Impulsively, Eren leaned over and slid his arms around the other’s waist, leaning into him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so annoying about all this,” he murmured, closing his eyes.

“Shut it, kid. Your feelings are valid, too,” Levi responded, affectionately ruffling Eren's hair. “At least I know you care.”

A smile formed across Eren’s face and he looked up so Levi could see it. “Of course I do.”

Levi couldn’t help but mirror his smile just a little. “Wanna go watch the movie?”

“Do you?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.” Eren sat back up, still smiling, just before Levi captured his lips in a short and sweet kiss.

Not a moment later, he trotted down the stairs at Levi’s heels, feeling relief, disappointment, and love all at the same time.

~

Eren laid across the couch in the sunroom, watching the clouds drift across the sky on a warm, late summer afternoon with Zoe stretched across his chest, purring. Every once in a while, one of her front paws would curl, kneading. She was happy. Eren was glad at least one of them could be.

It wasn’t that he was upset or angry, but worried. There were only five days left before the semester at ANU started, and Levi would be off. True, he wouldn’t be staying in the dorms or be gone all the time, but Eren knew his time with him would be much more limited. He’d get caught up in his studies, doing his homework and such. Not only that, but Eren couldn’t deny the underlying fear that he’d get there, meet new people, and forget about him. It wasn’t a ridiculous jealousy thing; he _wanted_ Levi to meet new people, to make new friends and start making a life for himself out there in the world, but Eren feared it might not include himself, and that he might just be left in the dust anyway.

He continued to push those thoughts aside, to deny them.

_He won’t forget about you,_ idiot, he scolded himself. _He cares about you. He feels the same way you do._

Still, he couldn’t be sure if that was just something he was telling himself to get by.

The past couple of weeks with Levi were nothing short of wonderful, all things considered. They spent every moment they could together, leaving the thing they’d both been thinking unspoken. Eren found himself apologizing more than normal, feeling as if apologizing for the little things would lessen his guilt for feeling like he was holding Levi back. Eventually, Levi resorted to stopping his apologies by kissing him, knowing damn well how guilty Eren felt (he wasn’t very good at hiding it) and trying to communicate that he didn’t blame Eren for anything through his actions.

And Eren savored each and every touch, kiss, breath, and _second_ he had, and was more than grateful for every single one.

Eren was broken from his thoughts by the sound of the door to the rest of the house opening. He lifted his head to find none other than Levi slipping through and soundlessly shutting it behind him, a small smile cracking through his lips.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey…” Eren sat up, maneuvering the cat into his lap. “How was orientation?”

“Fine. The school’s a lot bigger than I expected.” He sunk down onto the cushion in front of the other, reaching over to scratch Zoe between the ears. “Found all my classes, though.”

“That’s good,” Eren murmured. “Are you excited?”

Levi shrugged. “A little, I guess. Pretty sure I was one of the youngest ones there, which is a little unnerving. But I’ll get by.”

“Mhm...I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Levi had no response. Eren didn’t miss that he was deliberately not meeting his gaze, something he knew the raven did when he was avoiding something.

“What is it?” he asked, his heart speeding up in dreadful anticipation.

“Petra...has had me periodically - and by that I mean several times a day - checking my email to see if a spot opened up at DAU,” he began slowly; Eren’s stomach was already forming into a knot. “There wasn’t anything at all until this morning. I...wanted to let you know that one did open up, and it’s mine if I want it.” He paused to swallow hard, both of their hands stilled on the cat. “I have to respond by midnight tonight if I decide I want it because the semester starts in two days. If I don’t, they’ll give it to the next person.”

Eren’s throat felt like it was being squeezed shut. All he could manage was a small, “Oh. Okay.”

Levi withdrew his hand. “I just thought I’d talk to you about it first.”

“Y-you...want my opinion?” Eren managed.

“Sort of, I guess. I wanted to let you know, at the very least.”

“I see…” Eren’s eyes finally dropped to the floor; he could feel his hands starting to quiver, his chest beginning to ache. But he refused to cry.

“...so?”

“So...I think you should do what makes you the happiest,” he said quietly, preoccupying himself with running his fingers down Zoe’s back.

Levi waited, but when Eren said nothing else, spoke up, “That’s it? You don’t have anything else to say?”

It was Eren’s turn to swallow hard, stalling to find his voice, to speak without shaking or stuttering. “I don’t know. Anything else I could say would be really, really selfish, and I don’t want to hold you back.”

Levi’s brows tugged together. “You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes, Eren. It’s okay.”

Eren was shaking his head before Levi’d even completed the statement. “But this is about you, not me. It doesn’t really matter what I think.”

Levi could only stare at him dumbfoundedly. “Is that how you see it? I came down here to talk to you about this whole shitstorm and that’s all you have to say?”

“I don’t know, Levi...it’s not really my place to tell you what to do.” When the cat stretched and jumped out of his lap before stalking away, he pulled his knees up, looking everywhere but at Levi. “You shouldn’t worry about me, anyway. I’m...I’m used to it.”

“Used to what, kid?” Levi practically scoffed with his arms crossed.

“Being left behind. I shouldn’t be surprised that this is how it ends.”

The raven’s brows shot up. “Ends, huh? Seriously?” he spat.

“I don’t know, Levi,” Eren mumbled, shaking his head and resisting the urge to bury himself in his knees, to hide.

“Don’t know what, Eren?”

“I just don’t know, okay?!” the younger snapped, desperate yet suddenly angry eyes finally latching onto Levi’s equally as upset ones. “It’s just...I should have known better than to get attached.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Levi grumbled, leaning away defensively.

“How can two foster kids have a relationship, Levi? How can anything like this possibly work out?! You’ll be eighteen soon. You’ll have to leave no matter what, and I’ll be stuck here for three more shitty years until it’s my turn, and by then you’ll be long gone! So what’s the point?!”

With narrowed eyes, Levi rose to his feet. “So you don’t see this working, huh? You don’t care enough to try and figure it out, is that it?”

Eren gritted his teeth, knowing he’d fucked up. “No, Levi, that’s _not_ it,” he said in a low, even tone, averting his gaze once again. “There’s no way _to_ figure it out. This was inevitable, which made it pointless.”

“Pointless. Right. Got it,” scoffed Levi as he took a step back toward the door.

A tense kind of silence fell over. Levi waited for Eren to say something, ready to storm out yet not truly _wanting_ to leave while Eren tried to calm himself, to tell himself through the anger that he didn’t really believe some of the things he’d said, but knowing full well that he did. He wanted Levi to go wherever made him happiest and would put him on the best path for life. He knew his opinion didn’t much matter because it wasn’t _his_ life, it was Levi’s, and he knew this was the last situation he should allow himself to be selfish in.

“If you wanna go, just go,” he found himself mumbling. “It…” He sucked in a deep, painful breath. “It doesn’t even matter anymore…” _I’ve fucked up too much now, anyway._

Levi’s fingers balled into tight fists. “Alright. Fine. Then I will. Thanks for the talk.” With that, he spun around and strode back through the door, letting it slam behind him with finality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, thanks for all the love on this. If it weren't for all of your wonderful comments and such, I might have given up on this. ♥


	24. XXIV

Eren didn’t watch Levi leave. He wasn’t there to send him off the next morning, the day before the semester at DAU started. He’d slept in the sunroom (though ‘slept’ was used loosely; it was more along the lines of drifting in and out of that state just before falling asleep). He was woken by Petra, who was seemingly oblivious to their fight, letting him know she would be leaving with Levi shortly and then was the time to say goodbye if he wanted.

“He’s already leaving?” he mumbled, waking up pretty quickly at this news.

The woman nodded. “He didn’t tell you? He decided to take the spot at DAU that opened up and the semester starts tomorrow, so he has to leave today.”

No, Levi hadn’t told him. Neither of them had said a word to each other since the argument, and Eren had already assumed the result of said argument was his decision to go to the school that was further away, but he hadn’t known the semester started so soon. He had no idea he wouldn’t even have time to…

He’d stopped the thought short, though, and looked away from Petra, remembering what the argument had been about.

“No...I’m okay,” he said quietly, to which the woman frowned and asked if he was sure only to leave him alone again after he nodded, saying nothing else. He remained there on the couch, his heart hammering painfully in the prison of his ribs, a familiar sharp, agonizing sensation resurfacing. His mind fought relentlessly back and forth. He wanted to stand up, head to the front of the house and tell Levi goodbye before it was too late, but the other half of him was like a weight that kept him seated right where he was. Levi was still mad, he was sure, and as much as he hated to admit it to himself, there was some truth in the words exchanged between them in their last conversation. It was likely Levi didn’t even want to say goodbye to him anyway…

The reverberation of a door being shut throughout the walls of the house had him jumping in surprise and his eyes darting in the direction of the door to the sunroom.

_The front door...he could already be gone…_

That thought alone scared him to his feet and he padded silently into the kitchen. Holding his breath, he peeked around the corner into the foyer where Historia stood and where Levi was just stepping onto the floor at the foot of the stairs to head _to_ the front door, which opened again to reveal Petra. She held it open for him, making sure he was ready as he continued toward her.

Emotions caught in his throat, Eren whipped himself back around and escaped through the sunroom and out into the backyard. He hid himself around the trunk of the tree and slid down to sit on its roots, curling in on himself and hugging his knees, wanting nothing more than to disappear from the face of the earth.

~

The sun had scraped its way a good chunk of the way across the sky before Eren looked up again, hearing the crunch of footsteps in the dark approaching him. He found Historia walking up from the right, a concerned frown set across her pretty face.

“Are you alright, Eren?” she murmured in her sweet soprano. She stopped, keeping her distance, but kneeled down to be at eye-level with him. “I couldn’t find you. I was worried.”

Eren forced a dry swallow. He was sure she couldn’t see the wet trails down his cheeks. “I’m okay,” he managed quietly. “S-sorry for worrying you…”

She sent him a sweet smile. “It’s okay. Do you wanna come in and have a snack with the others? Marco made peanut butter crackers.”

Slowly, he shook his head. His stomach being in knots, he was sure eating wouldn’t do him any good now. He wanted to thank her for her offer, but his voice felt like needles, just the way it had back then…

“Okay. That’s alright. But you should come inside soon, alright? I think Petra will be home shortly.”

Eren managed a nod. She left him with another one of her gentle smiles before standing up and heading back toward the house. He listened to her footsteps fade away before the unmistakable sound of the sliding door opening reached his ears. Open, close, and then silence.

To his fortune, though, the silence didn’t last long, as Lucy trotted up to him with a panting tongue and a wagging tail. She greeted him with a few licks to his arm, clearly sensing his distress and trying to cheer him up in her own way. He mustered up a miniscule smile as he lifted a hand to rub between her ears, but it felt more like a pained grimace. The canine sat back on her haunches, leaning her head into his touch as he scratched gently behind her ears and she’d nudge his hand with her cool, wet nose whenever he stopped.

After a few moments, Eren decided Historia was right, and that his butt had had enough of the hard ground, and forced himself to his feet. With Lucy at his heels, he dragged his feet toward the door and slipped quietly back into the house before tiptoeing past the dining room where the rest of the household was enjoying their snacks and made his way up the stairs, a heavy sort of knot residing somewhere within his ribcage. He was halfway up when he realized Lucy was no longer at his side but shrugged it off. His eyelids were heavy after such poor night’s sleep and crying, and he wanted nothing more than to take a good long nap to keep him away from reality for as long as possible.

The door to their... _his_ room was mostly shut and he found himself swallowing hard as he eased it open. Just as expected, Levi’s half of the room was...void. The desk was cleared of any of his belongings. The few posters he’d had pinned to the walls were gone. The new pillow Petra had gotten him when the feathers started coming out of a hole in the old one was gone, and already replaced by another. There was nothing left of him…

...except for the black, guitar-shaped case sitting in the center of the bed that used to be his.

Eren felt his heart immediately drop to the pits of his stomach. His hand slid from the doorknob as he stared, wide-eyed at the object, completely frozen in place. His mind went blank, save for one agonizing thought.

_It’s happened again._

In the next seconds, he could feel himself retreating back into his mind while some other nameless force took over, channeling his energy into shutting the door and fleeing into the closet, hiding himself away. He curled up, bundling himself among whatever blankets, towels, sheets, and even pillowcases he could find.

Pain, resentment, regret, guilt, _loneliness_ flooded through him, shaking him down to his core as tears poured from his ducts, wetting the spare duvet cover he pressed his face into. It got to a point where he couldn’t care less how loud he was being, sobbing relentlessly into the blankets. All of the pent up anger, agony, and betrayal over the years had finally built up enough to spill over.

His chest felt sharp, his throat like needles as the sobs tore from his vocal cords. He screamed until he could no longer.

~

Eren lost track of how long he sat there in a shaking mess of himself before the closet door was tugged open, allowing the light of day to interrupt the darkness surrounding him. In a small motion, he peeked up with one eye to see Petra in the process of kneeling down, her hazel eyes swimming with concern and sympathy.

He lifted his head, managing a swallow and wincing as the action burned through his throat, raw and dry.

“Sorry,” he tried, but managed nothing more than a hoarse rattle.

Petra shook her head just before his hands came up to press his face into. “Don’t be sorry, sweetie,” she whispered, resting a warm hand between his shoulder blades, a touch he couldn’t help but lean into. The woman slid her arms around his shoulders, holding him close in such a motherly way that comforted him yet tore at his heart at the same time. All she could do was let him cry quietly. “Everything’s gonna be alright…”

~

That night, Eren slept in the living room, as the sunroom and his bedroom reminded him too much of the one who was now absent. Even with Zoe purring next to him and Lucy on the floor beside the chair he was curled up in, the way they always did back before things had started getting better and before he began speaking again, he felt a hole of emptiness weighing in his chest.

As he laid in the dark, the room silent save for the quiet ticking of the clock and Zoe’s soft purring, the memory of the argument that had pushed Levi away was front and center in his mind. Everything he’d let himself say resurfaced, adding to his regret and self-resentment. He couldn’t blame Levi for leaving, even if he knew down to his core that there was some truth to what he’d said.

How _could_ two foster kids have a relationship the way they wanted it? Even if they did everything in their power to try and make it work, there was never any guarantee. It was a risk. A big one. One Eren couldn’t be sure he was or would ever be willing to take…

But...was Levi willing to risk it? Was that...the whole purpose of Levi having asked his opinion when the spot opened up? Had he already thought of all of that…?

Eren burrowed himself further under the covers. It was a horrible, horrible thought that only caused his heart to sink further within him, hiding away from the truth. He couldn’t be sure, but the possibility scared him.

As he laid there in his own drowning silence, he wondered how Levi was getting by on his first day at school. If he’d already forgotten him, made a new friend to replace him. If he’d settled in okay. If he might be lying in his new bed, too, thinking too much. If he was scared, or more excited. If he was feeling an ocean of regret, too...

In his head he went around and around in tireless, dizzying circles until sleep finally, finally consumed him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very lazily edited so I apologize for any mistakes or things that are more awkward than normal xD And I also apologize that it's so short...this past week has been shit and I'm honestly surprised I managed to finish this chapter this soon.


	25. XXV

_It feels just like back then…_

Back then, when he’d first moved in with Petra, bruises still fading.

_Back when I couldn’t find my voice._

The first few weeks had been lonely and brutal, sleeping in a house he hadn’t recognized in a cold, unfamiliar bed.

_When everything inside of me was agonizing._

Nightmares often jolted him from an already unrestful sleep, and he’d always felt so tired.

_Before Levi was here…_

It hurt to think about him, and Eren did everything humanly possible to keep his mind away from his ex-roommate, the person he’d given his heart to. He only realized this just after Levi’s absence began to weigh heavily on him, after a few days passed and it truly set in that he wasn’t coming back, that the bed on the other side of the room would remain empty unless Petra took on another foster kid again. The emptiness he felt within him had only been filled with Levi’s presence, his warmth, the weight of his hand, his voice, the stormy glimmer in his eyes.

So Eren continually distracted himself. He drowned himself in his studies more than he ever had, doing loads more work than was necessary to keep his mind occupied. He never denied a request to play video games with Marco anymore. He began taking on more chores for the sole purpose of preoccupation. He played with the animals. He read. When there was nothing left, he slept. And through it all, he barely said a word.

The sharpness in his chest was back, too, and more painful than ever. Logically, he knew none of this was good for his wellbeing but he couldn’t find it in himself to stop. A quiet voice inside of him told him he should talk to Petra and tell her what was wrong so she could help him, but there was something about feeling so deeply sad and hollow from Levi’s absence that was oddly addicting.

_I’m sick. I’m so sick…_

Through his distractions, he pretended Levi didn’t exist. He pretended the bed had always been vacant and that the feelings held inside of him for the other were just figments of some dream, perhaps. It wasn’t easier, but he did his best to convince himself it was.

The violin was stashed away somewhere he didn’t know about. He’d told Petra to just get rid of it, that no one had any use for it anymore, but she refused for reasons Eren didn’t really fathom. He didn’t care, though. Out of sight, out of mind.

_At least, that’s what I tell myself…_

~

Eren sat in the chair in the living room with his knees curled up to his chest one lazy Saturday afternoon watching Marco begin his newest video game. It was single player, so he couldn’t join in, but he wasn’t really up for video games at the moment anyway. In the other room, he could vaguely hear Petra instructing Annie on a piece of her math she didn’t understand (and was clearly apathetic about, but who could blame her?). Mikasa was next door at Historia’s for a piano lesson, so the day was fairly lazy.

Eren had long since zoned out watching Marco play his game, causing him to jump in surprise when something touched his shoulder. He looked up to merely find Petra murmuring an apology.

“Can I talk to you, hon?” she asked, nodding back toward the kitchen.

Swallowing around the instantaneous lump in his throat, Eren unfolded himself and followed her back into the dining room. The woman slid out one of the chairs for him before sitting in her own beside it, smiling faintly as he sunk down onto the leather seat.

“First off, I don’t want you to think I’m interrogating you or anything, alright?” she said. When he nodded slightly, she went on, “But I’ve noticed you’ve been awfully quiet again lately, and you just haven’t seemed yourself, and I know it’s been since Levi left. I don’t pretend to know why, but I have a feeling something happened between the two of you before he went. Am I wrong?”

Eren kept his eyes locked on the tablecloth, lips pressed firmly together. He managed to clear his throat and said quietly, “No.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw her nod. “It’s alright, sweetie. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But you know I’m here if you ever need to talk or vent or get advice, right? And it’s always completely confidential and without judgment.”

“...I know.” All of the emotions and everything he’d been working so hard to try and ignore were pushing their way toward the surface by the simple conversation and mention of Levi’s name.

“Do you think it might make you feel better to get it off your chest?”

Once again, the boy swallowed. He shrugged lightly, unsure. He thought he wanted to tell her, but how much could he really say without giving away the deeper relationship he’d had with Levi before he left? He had no idea if that was something Petra would be okay with, or if it was even legal. At the time, when Levi was still by his side, it hadn’t mattered much to him. In fact, it didn’t matter at all. Even still he didn’t care much because he knew his feelings for Levi were absolutely real, and he’d be damned if he let something stupid like that come between them. But Petra...he had no idea how she would react. If he were to tell her, he’d have to sugar coat it and be very, very careful of his word choice, just in case.

“We...just...had a fight before he left,” he began quietly, fidgeting with the edge of the tablecloth. “He, um, came to tell me that the spot at DAU opened up and I guess he wanted my opinion on if he should take it…and I told him it didn’t really matter what I think, ‘cause it’s his life, not mine. I don’t...really remember what happened after that, but we got in a fight...and...I pushed him away, so he went.” He cleared his throat when he finished, mildly surprised in himself for spilling all of that.

Petra was nodding, listening intently. “You didn’t push him away on purpose, though,” she murmured. “Did you?”

Eren shook his head, eyes beginning to sting a bit. “Of course not. I just...I’m used to being left by everyone, and in the moment it seemed like he wasn’t gonna be any different and I got defensive.” He squeezed his eyes shut, the regret stronger than ever before; he wanted so desperately to not cry.

“I understand, honey,” the woman murmured, rubbing his shoulder. “He didn’t seem all too happy the morning I took him to the campus, either, and I was very surprised when he left his violin.”

Eren clamped his teeth shut. “M-me too,” he managed in a quiet, strained voice.

Petra squeezed his shoulder and perked up a bit. “Tell you what,” she said. “Tomorrow I’m planning to head back up to the campus to check on him, as I promised I would. Maybe you want to come with and try to mend things with him?”

Eren, too, sat up a bit from his hunched over position, his glossy eyes widening. “Really? Is...is that okay?”

“Of course,” she encouraged. “I can tell you’re not doing too well. I think it would help if you went and at least had a conversation with him.”

“Well...maybe, I guess. But what if he doesn't want to listen to me? He was pretty mad…”

“I know, sweetheart, but you both have had a lot of time to calm down. And you two are close...I get the feeling he might be handling it about as well as you are.”

A newfound kind of hope blossomed through Eren’s nerves - not because he thought she was right and that Levi might be suffering, too; really, that was the last thing he wanted even if it meant he had to continue to feel this way, but because of the possibility that she _was_ right, and that what had come of all the subconscious overthinking from the recent few weeks was wrong. He was hopeful that maybe, if he went with Petra to see Levi tomorrow, he’d have a chance to apologize for what he’d said, that perhaps they could work something out, that maybe Levi _wasn't_ just going to be one of those people who eventually left him.

All of this passed in a fleeting thought lasting less than a second, but it was just enough for him to nod and say a quiet, “Yeah, I want to go.”

This coaxed another, more genuinely happy smile from his foster mother. “Good! I’m glad.” She squeezed his shoulder once more. “We’ll leave after lunch, okay? Think about what you want to say to him.”

The brunet nodded again. “I will.”

~

For the rest of the night, Eren spends his time thinking, going round in circles contemplating what he should say to Levi. Of course, an apology was in order, but it was obvious that simply knocking on his door and saying “I’m sorry” wasn’t going to be enough.

He paced around the house, occasionally with either Zoe or Lucy at his heels. The others had given him strange looks, but he was too preoccupied to notice. Once he orchestrated several possible conversations in his head, his main dilemma was whether he should take the violin to him. It had been a gift, after all, and one that Petra and Oluo had paid for that wasn’t cheap. No one else in the house knew a thing about playing, and other than trying to sell it back to The Sound Shoppe, there wasn’t anything else to do with it.

That night, Eren fell into a restless sleep, waking up every hour or so and checking the clock, feeling more and more anxious every time. He was up early and staring through the glass roof of the sunroom, watching the sky fade from dark gray to light gray to light blue to sky blue, the occasional wispy cloud floating by here and there. It was still considerably warm for summer coming to a close, and Eren wasn’t much looking forward to the cold weather.

When noon finally rolled around, he was almost too anxious to eat. He humored Petra by stuffing in the half peanut butter and honey sandwich and a few slices of apple she gave him, took only a few sips of his fruit punch, and excused himself early to get ready to go.

In the foyer, he stared into the front storage closet, his hand clasped tightly around the cool texture of the doorknob. It had only been a hunch, but Petra had a tendency to be predictable. He’d decided that morning while watching night fade into day that if he could find the violin, if his inkling about where it was had been correct, he would take it back to Levi. And sure enough, as he stared into the dim little space, there sat the violin on the shelf in its case as if it were waiting for him.

Eren held the plastic case securely in his lap for the entire car ride. He ran his fingers over its hard, rough surface absentmindedly as he watched the world go by in a blur out the window, remembering how Petra had smiled warmly when she saw him with the instrument but had said nothing else about it. Remembering the way Levi looked that day when he’d discovered the instrument and immediately confronted Eren about it. Recalling the way his fingers would dance fluidly over its strings that afternoon Eren had been sick, and reveling in the mildly blurry memory of the melody he’d played. Thinking of the trip they’d taken and the way it had felt to sleep beside him for the first time, of all the nights after that when it was harder to be apart, and of how lonely it’d been since he’d left.

“Do you have any idea what you’re going to say to him?” Petra murmured, breaking Eren from his daydream.

“Sort of,” he mumbled, eyes falling down to the top of the violin case. “I’m just...a little nervous,” he admitted.

“It’ll be alright,” the woman promised. “It’s a good thing that you want to patch things up with him.”

By the time they reached the school, Petra established she should go up first once Eren said he wanted a few minutes alone to apologize to him. He stood in the tiled lobby area of the boy’s dorm, both of his hands wrapped tightly around the handle of the case; he shifted his weight from foot to foot, too anxious to take a seat, and watched as people came in and went out. Petra promised she’d only be a few minutes before she came back down to send him up, and said she wouldn’t give Levi any hints about his being there. Still, a few minutes turned into twenty as Eren watched the minute hand of a clock mounted in the wall near him go from the four to just past the eight before Petra reappeared from the elevator.

“Sorry, hon, I just had to be sure he’s doing alright,” she said.

“Is he okay?” Eren asked with a frown.

“Yes, but I really do think it will help him to see you.”

Though he wanted to ask why, Eren could only manage a nervous swallow and a small bob of his head. Petra provided him with simple instructions up to Levi’s room, told him she’d be right there when he got back, and sent him on his way.

Throughout the whole trip up the elevator, as he walked quietly down the hallway hunting the doors for the correct number, his heart was jackhammering behind his ribs. The second he spotted the correct door, he chomped down on his lip and came to a slow stop. He didn’t allow himself any time to think. Holding his breath, he raised his fist to knock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really been wanting to write something super angsty lately and I've had to force myself not to channel that into this xD But, that means I'm sort of working on something else, too~ ;) ♥


	26. XXVI

Eren’s eyes were glued to the gray speckled carpet beneath his feet as he waited for the door to open. The only thing keeping him from psyching himself out and booking it back down the hall was the weight of the violin case still in his hands, where his fingers were wrapped so tightly around the handle that his knuckles were white and aching mildly. Save for a few voices trailing from down the hall, all he could hear was the relentless thudding of his pulse between his ears.

He wouldn’t admit it, but he jumped when the door finally did swing open. His eyes darted upwards to the one filling the doorway. Upon seeing his face, Eren’s heart immediately stuttered and his stomach did an awkward flop.

It had only been about two weeks, but it was as if Levi was more beautiful than his memory could possibly have done justice. His hair was shiny, his skin smooth and still that warm shade of ivory Eren loved. He wore a simple black t-shirt and dark blue skinny jeans, his feet tucked neatly into a pair of familiar black converse, indicating that he’d likely been about to leave. A mild, confused frown sat upon his face, eyes narrower than normal as he leaned on one hip, hand never leaving the door knob.

“Eren?” he asked in bafflement. Even his voice felt like a treat…

And suddenly Eren forgot everything he practiced. The instrument felt like a hundred pounds, and he just _knew_ he was red as a beet. The only thing his flustered brain managed to accomplish was a signal to lift the violin and thrust it in the other’s direction, never making eye contact.

The raven’s frown deepened. Hesitantly, he reached out and took it by the underside, habitually twirling the ring in his lip. A long, quiet moment passed after Eren managed to let go but made no indication to speak or walk away.

“I left this for a reason, Eren,” the older said coolly. He continued to hold the case up, almost cradling it.

Eren had to clear his throat before finding his voice. “I know...but it was a gift. I...I want you to keep it,” he said, and then tacked on, “Please.” Still, he could only seem to watch the floor as much as he wanted to meet Levi’s eyes, to fall into those stormy grays at least once more before Levi told him to get lost for good.

“Eren, I don’t--”

“I didn’t just come to give back the violin,” he blurted suddenly. “I wanted to apologize, too. I-I know what I said probably hurt you...a lot. And that’s not what I meant to do. I was just afraid, you know? And I don’t wanna make all these excuses either but...ah, I know you’re sick of hearing this but I’m just so used to people leaving me and I thought you would be different and I started thinking too much and I guess maybe it’s some sort of defense mechanism I didn’t really know I had because all the sudden you _were_ leaving and maybe I thought it would hurt less if I said stuff like that...but I know all I ended up doing was hurting you more and believe me, I hate myself for it and I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry and that I still want you to have the violin because you deserve it, and I wanted you to know that even though all this crap has happened my feelings haven’t changed, but if--”

Eren’s babbling cut abruptly off as a warm hand wrapped around his wrist and tugged him forward, causing him to stumble into the room before the sound of the door shutting met his ears. He only looked up just in time to see Levi’s face for a split second before another hand wrapped around the back of his neck and another set of lips all but crashed into his own. A surprised yelp pulled from his throat and he reeled, barely able to comprehend what was happening because it happened so fast.

It took a moment, but Eren managed to relax himself enough to allow his lips to mold gently with Levi’s. He didn’t understand why or how, or when Levi had set his violin down, but in those few seconds of affectionate contact with the other, his insides fluttering and his heart absolutely _soaring_ , he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“That’s the longest speech I’ve ever heard you make, kid,” Levi breathed with his forehead pressed against Eren’s.

“I w-wouldn’t really call it a speech…” the brunet mumbled back, fingers loosening themselves around Levi’s ribs; he hadn’t even realized he’d moved his hands…

Levi let loose a breathy laugh, pulling himself back enough to see Eren’s eyes. “Yeah. More like babbling. Still.”

“S-sorry…” Eren managed. He internally cursed himself for continually stuttering.

Levi hummed softly, keeping his eyes locked with Eren’s for another moment before breaking contact, dropping his arms back to his sides. “Anyway, yeah...it hurt, what you said. Almost felt like you didn't give a shit anymore.”

At his sides, Eren’s fingers curled. “I’m sorry…just...that’s why I came to apologize. To tell you that I do. I was just trying to shield myself from the pain if you had decided to leave, and in the process I only ended up hurting you instead.”

“But that doesn't excuse what I did, either, Eren. Even if I only know a little, I know your past. I know people continuously leave you or hurt you...or both. And I can see what kind of damage that’s done to you. You’ve been abandoned...and shit, I know what that feels like. I feel like a shitty person for being just another one of those people. Truthfully, I...never wanted to be. So I’m sorry.”

Eren was shaking his head, though. “No, Levi. You shouldn’t have to apologize because I pushed _you_ away. I can’t blame you for getting mad and leaving. I...probably deserved it after what I said to you.”

Levi released a long sigh, turning as he raked a hand through his hair. “You have a habit of making things more complicated than they are, Eren,” he muttered. By the time he turned back around with his hair flopping back in place, he was a little less than halfway across the room. “Look...we both said and did shitty things, right? I was never _actually_ mad at you. I just...heh…” He pivoted toward the window, embarrassed. “I felt like shit because I thought you didn’t care if I left. So I did. It wasn’t until I got into this damn dorm room that I realized what a mistake I’d made.”

“M-mistake?” Eren gulped, instinctually shoving any and all hope away.

“I don’t hate it here,” Levi continued in a softer tone. “In fact, it’s probably a little _too_ nice. I have my own money to buy my own shit. I have more freedom than I probably need. Yeah, I’ve got classes and homework, but once that’s done...I’ve got nothing to do. No one to talk to. So I sit on my ass and read.” He gestured to a pile of books stacked neatly on the underside of the table beside the bed Eren stood near. Quickly, the brunet scanned over the titles, recognizing some of them to be his personal favorites, and fleetingly he remembered that conversation - telling Levi about all of his favorite books, the things that kept him going after his mother’s passing, during his first stay in a foster home, during all the fights of his adoptive parents, and afterward, coping with the abuse he had endured. Almost every one of his favorite books sat in that stack.

Slowly, Eren approached the stack, eyes wide with disbelief. He ran the tips of his fingers gently over the top cover, kneeling down. “Levi…” he murmured absently, unable to make any sense of the hurricane of emotions spiraling through him in that moment. He glanced up, finding the raven watching him with those impassive eyes. “How many of these have you read?” he asked, standing back up.

“Three. The ones on the bottom. I’m working on the top one right now.”

Eren glanced back and forth between the book and the raven a few times, baffled. “Why...did you…?”

“Do you really have to ask?” Levi murmured, casting his eyes back toward the window.

“Because of…?” Eren hated that he couldn’t seem to form a simple question.

Levi bobbed his head and started pacing again. “Yeah, Eren. And don’t ask why, because I don’t really know. When I started it I was still thinking I’d probably never see you again, so it was like pouring gasoline on the fire or rubbing salt in the wound.”

“Wait…” Eren walked back around the bed, gently grabbing Levi’s hand before he turned for another lap of pacing. “You thought you’d never see me again?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

Eren gave another small nod before beginning to release Levi’s wrist. As soon as he felt this, though, the older caught his hand before it slipped completely away.

“You haven’t opened the violin case since I left, have you?” Levi murmured, eyes straying to where the instrument sat on its side just inside the door.

Eren, too, glanced back. “...no? Should I have?”

Without releasing Eren’s fingers, Levi moved around him and tugged him over so they were kneeling beside it. He moved it onto its back and unlatched the case before lifting the lid, revealing the sleek surface of the violin itself, untouched since the last time it was played. Held beneath a few of the strings was a small piece of paper, folded with Eren’s name printed on its surface as if it was waiting in patience to be read.

Levi watched as Eren’s eyes widened fractionally before meeting his own. “Should I…?”

The raven shrugged a shoulder. “Up to you. It’s kind of irrelevant now, though.”

Even so, Eren couldn’t ignore his piqued interest. Albeit reluctantly, he slid his hand from Levi’s and reached for the piece of paper and gently slid it from its spot nestled between the strings and slowly, almost timidly, unfolded it.

_Eren,_

_This is a shitty way to say goodbye and I know it, but I can’t leave without leaving some form of one. I don’t even know if you’ll find this stupid note, but if you do, you should know I thought about and understand your point - it would be hard for people in our situation to have a relationship, and I don’t blame you for trying to spare yourself the pain of that. So in leaving this violin, I’m doing the same for myself. If I took it with, it would only be a painful reminder._

_Thanks for everything. It was nice to have someone who understood for a while. I hope life carries you somewhere better than where you’ve been._

_-Levi_

Eren read the note only once before he folded it once more and set it back down on the surface of the instrument. He kept his eyes downcast, afraid of the emotions they might be portraying.

There was so much finality in two simple paragraphs; it truly felt as if Levi had believed they’d never see each other again and only led him to realize that if he hadn’t taken Petra’s advice and decided to visit with her, that very much could have been the case. Without another thought, Eren turned and practically threw his arms around Levi’s shoulders, squeezing his eyes shut to force back his tears and holding tighter than ever.

With little hesitancy, Levi returned the embrace, gently pressing his hands to Eren’s back. They sat that way for a moment, still and quiet, before Levi broke the silence.

“It...felt shitty to leave without some sort of goodbye...but I hid that stupid note in the case instead of out in the open. I guess I sort of hoped you wouldn’t find it ‘cause I figured if you did, it’d make shit more permanent and you wouldn’t ever come with Petra...or whatever…”

At his words, Eren had to stop for a second, absorb them and piece together what they meant. And when he figured it out, astonishment shot through him.

“You…” Eren pulled himself back enough to make out the other’s features. “You mean...you were hoping I’d come. You _wanted_ me to come…”

The corner of Levi’s lip twitched. From the inside, his lip ring spun in a circle as he cleared his throat, evidently a little embarrassed. “Yeah. I did. But I didn’t really expect you to after our fight. Guess I was hoping you were but trying to stifle that hope at the same time. When you knocked on the door, I thought you were Petra again...so needless to say, I was a little surprised to see you.”

Again Eren dove back into Levi’s arms, pressing his face into his shoulder and letting his gentle, guy-ish scent bring him home again. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he mumbled, no longer able to hold back the impending tears. “I’m sorry for saying such shitty things…”

Snorting, the raven slid his arms back around the younger’s waist. “What’d I tell you, kid? If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard you say the word ‘sorry’, I wouldn’t need that damn scholarship.”

Past his tears, Eren smiled. “Sor--...ah hell, I almost said sorry for saying sorry…” he mumbled, laughing lightly.

Levi released a light sigh. “You’re hopeless,” he murmured affectionately.

Eren chuckled again and raised his face just enough to wipe at his eyes. “So uhm...what does this mean? Are we okay?”

Wordlessly, Levi lifted Eren’s chin to study his features for a second. “What do you think?”

The younger gave a lazy shrug. “I hope it means we’re okay, but--”

Levi stopped his words short by brushing the pad of his thumb across his lower lip, shaking his head. “No but. We’re okay. Good, actually, yeah?”

A genuine, loving smile pushed its way past the grief and loneliness Eren had drowned himself in for the past few weeks, lighting up his whole demeanor. “Yeah,” he said softly.

“C’mon.” Levi removed himself from the embrace enough to move to his feet, offering Eren a hand of assistance to do the same. Once there, Eren couldn’t help hugging him again, throwing everything he had into that one gesture and embracing Levi with more than just his arms. He soaked himself in the moment, not sure when he might see Levi again. Still, it was good to know that he _would_ see him again, and hopefully soon.

“So...when can I see you again?” Eren asked, mild desperation surfacing alongside his joy as he moved once more to see the other’s face.

“Hm, Petra said she’d be stopping in once a month or so to check on me, so you can probably come with. And...I know it’s sort of far away, but I get to go back for Thanksgiving break.”

Eren nodded slowly. Once a month seemed like so little, but he wasn’t about to complain; he would take whatever he could get. That only left one lingering question…

“And what about when the semester is over?” he hushed, afraid to know the answer.

“I...have no idea,” Levi admitted. “Like I said, I don’t hate it here, but I don’t love it, either. It’s hard to judge if I’ll wanna stay here for four more years after only two weeks, so I don’t really have an answer for you.”

“I understand,” Eren murmured.

Gently, Levi’s hands lifted to cup Eren’s jaw. “Lighten up, kid. No point in wasting all your time being mopey.”

That cracked a small smile from the younger once more. “You’re right.” He softly bumped his forehead against Levi’s, letting his eyes close. “Thanks.”

“For?”

“I dunno.”

There was the breath of a laugh. “Anyway...you should probably get back to Petra before she starts to get suspicious and comes back up here.”

Reopening his eyes, Eren stifled a sigh. “Probably,” he agreed. “Come with me.”

“...alright.”

With reluctance, Eren took a step back and, keeping hold of Levi’s hand, started moving toward the door. Before he made it very far, however, he felt a tug and turned in confusion.

“But first…” Levi murmured, stepping forward as he slid his hands around Eren’s waist. The younger had only a second to process everything before Levi’s soft lips were connecting with his.

His stomach erupted with butterflies, the fluttery feeling trailing down to the very tips of his fingers and toes. He swore he could just melt into a puddle at Levi’s feet at the tender touch, at the buttery sensation of the other’s damp lips moving fluidly against his own. Despite having kissed Levi dozens of times before, this felt different - perhaps a little more desperate and full of want, but not in a suggestive way. Eren could feel the passion down to his very bones.

The brunet was practically dizzy by the time Levi pulled away, and they were both more than a little breathless. He kept his hands firmly upon Levi’s shoulders to hold himself steady, eyes fluttering open to the other’s mildly flushed face.

“H-holy...wow…” Eren stammered through uneven breaths.

“Too much?” Levi breathed after the small grunt of a laugh.

“Ah...n-no, not at all…” Eren was smiling again, feeling as if he was floating atop a cloud. “But you made me really wanna not leave…”

“Yeah...I don’t really want you to leave, either.”

“Y’know...you’re a pretty good kisser for being inexperienced.”

Levi snorted, finding Eren’s hand again. “Thanks, I think. You too.”

The younger wiped his free hand across his face, embarrassed and trying to hide a cheesy smile. “Thanks, I think,” he repeated.

Levi rolled his eyes while simultaneously squeezing Eren’s hand affectionately. “Let’s go,” he coaxed, this time being the first to head toward the door. The two held hands as long as they possibly could before spotting Petra, seated comfortably in one of the chairs of the lounge while flipping through a magazine. Even when they let go, they remained close side by side as they approached, grabbing her attention.

“Hey boys,” she greeted in her general warm fashion, casting aside the magazine and standing up. “Looks like the two of you made up.”

“Yeah,” Levi said as Eren offered a nod. “A misunderstanding was all it was.”

“Good!” she said with a smile. “Sadly, we should probably go though. We’ll keep in touch, Levi, and see you soon.” She reached for a small hug. “I’ll leave you to say goodbye, Eren. Meet me at the car in a minute, okay hon?”

“‘Kay,” Eren murmured. The woman gave Levi one last smile before heading toward the automatic doors.

Once she was gone, their eyes met again and Eren smiled past the bittersweet feeling in his chest that only served as a realization that the sharp and hollow feeling was gone, and it had been since the minute Levi had kissed him.

“See you soon, kid.”

“Hmph. I’m not even that much younger than you,” Eren huffed.

“Yeah, but you’re still innocent enough.”

Eren stuck his lip out in a mock pout as Levi pulled him in again, sporting a small grin himself. “Thanks for the violin, by the way,” he added. “It’ll be nice not to have to use the shitty hand-me-down instruments they’ve got here.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t have too much fun without me,” teased Eren.

Levi chuckled before pressing a chaste kiss to Eren’s lips and then his forehead. “Bye, Eren.”

With one final hug, Eren murmured, “Bye, Levi.”

Reluctantly they split up, Levi heading back toward the elevator and Eren toward the front door. Just outside, Petra’s car idled by the curb and he quickly hopped in and buckled himself up.

“Feel better?” the woman asked as she pulled away.

“Yes,” Eren said with certainty.

“I’m so glad you two worked things out.”

“Me too…” he murmured, craning his neck around, letting his eyes linger on the building as it faded into the distance until he no longer bore sight of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weak end. Weakly written xD But I do like the events of this chapter, and I hope you guys do too. ♥ And yay! A longer chapter! xD


	27. XXVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flow of this chapter is a little weird imo, but I don't care that much due to the overload of fluff. ♥
> 
> Sorry it took so long to get this up, but it's almost 6K words so I hope that makes up for it~

Over the course of the next several months, it was rare that Levi wasn’t on Eren’s mind. Most dreams he recalled upon waking consisted of him in some form, and his waking thoughts were hardly different. Nights continued to feel a bit lonelier without him, but it was more of a bittersweet solitude than a painful one.

On every trip Petra took to visit Levi to check up on him, Eren accompanied. Every month he felt he anticipated it more than the last despite the date never being completely consistent. Internally he counted down the months, weeks, and days until Thanksgiving break when Levi would come home again and spend an entire, full six days with them again, and at some points it felt like the only thing keeping him going.

As usual for him, he passed the time reading, studying, doing chores, playing with the animals, and playing video games with Marco. Through most of this, he knew it was just passing time, filling it up with distractions until Levi’s Thanksgiving break rolled around. But as long as it kept him going and kept his thoughts away from the future past those six days, it was enough.

The morning they were supposed to go pick him up, Eren felt like a little kid on Christmas because he was the first one up, not-so-patiently pacing the sunroom waiting for everyone else. When Petra found him, she only grinned and recruited him to help make breakfast.

“We’re leaving right after breakfast, right?” he whispered to her over a pan of frying hash browns.

The woman chuckled. She paused in chopping green peppers to squeeze him around the shoulders. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Breakfast seemed to last a lifetime; Eren had never been so impatient for something in his entire life - not even when he’d been waiting to bring Zoë home, and that had him questioning just how much Levi meant to him the entire time he was scarfing down his eggs and hash browns. He readily volunteered to help with the dishes to get them done quicker and, to his fortune, he and Petra were on their way down the road soon after.

~

Levi awaited their arrival on a bench not far from the front entrance of the boys’ dorm, shaded by a tree that had nearly completely shed its leaves for winter. Said leaves scattered around the grass and sidewalk beneath where the tree was rooted. The day was on the warmer side, much to his preference.

He’d been flipping through a book - one on the list of Eren’s favorites - as he waited when a new shadow appeared in the corner of his eye and the bench beneath him shifted slightly. He glanced up to find none other than Eren, bright eyes, wide smile and all sitting beside him. He leaned in, eyes directed at the book.

“ _I’ll Give You the Sun_ , huh?” he murmured.

“Hello to you, too,” Levi said, letting the book fall close.

“Hey,” Eren chuckled. “Ready to go?” He nodded toward the parking lot. Levi’s eyes followed to see Petra’s car idling beside the curb.

“Yup,” he said, reaching for his bag. The two rose to their feet, and before Levi could head for the car, Eren’s arms encircled his shoulders, hugging him with all his might.

Levi couldn’t deny himself a small smile as he returned the embrace, reveling in the feeling of Eren’s soft warmth, in his sweet scent and the comfortable familiarity of him. And, admittedly enjoying the butterflies that came along with his presence.

“C’mon, kid,” Levi murmured, tugging back a little. “Petra’s waiting.”

“Oops,” Eren chuckled. Resisting the urge to take Levi’s hand, they headed back toward the car.

The ride home was filled with Petra’s general questions - how school was going (good), what were his grades like (above average, as usual), if he’d made any friends (no one but the one he’d told them about before, whose name was Eld), and how he was getting by in general (fine, which was always his answer).

The other kids were surprisingly elated to see Levi again too, as he first stepped back into the foster home. Marco was all smiles and dimples as he gave Levi a fist bump, and Mikasa greeted him with a small “welcome home”. Even Annie gave a small nod of the head to acknowledge him. Oluo was the last to welcome him with a pat on the back, telling him they were glad to have him home for a while.

“Come on,” Eren urged when everyone finished welcoming him, tugging him toward the stairs. “You should unpack.”

Levi let out a breathy chuckle, following.

“Come down when you’re all settled in for some games,” Petra called after them. “And welcome home, Levi.”

“Thank you,” he called back.

Once they were alone in the room, Eren couldn’t help practically pouncing on him, tackling him back onto his own bed. The raven grunted, his backpack and violin slipping from his fingers as the soft surface caught him, feeling slightly restricted by Eren’s chokehold.

“You trying to kill me, kid?” he grumbled.

“Sorry,” Eren laughed, sitting up. He was just about to roll off when the older caught him by the waist, not allowing him to. “Levi?”

“I never said I minded,” he said smoothly with a very mild, very subtle grin that Eren would’ve missed had he not been so close.

“You...you don’t mind me trying to kill you?” the younger all but squeaked.

To that, Levi rolled his eyes. “No, I meant...ah, hell, you know what I meant.”

Eren didn’t even try to stop the smile that spread out across his entire face. “Yeah, I know,” he said quietly.

Levi hummed contentedly, his eyes softening as they roved over Eren’s features, drinking in every last detail he was forced to mostly live without for the past several months. With Petra having been around for the duration of their visits, he was never able to get so close to Eren, never able to touch him like this or take a moment to genuinely appreciate the beauty of this boy. (In a way, he suspected Petra was onto them, that she knew more than she let on, but he couldn’t be sure.) Now he had an entire six days to soak himself in the kid’s presence as much as he could, sleeping in the same room again (and if he knew Eren, the same bed), and he wasn’t about to let that go to waste.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Eren murmured, cheeks reddening the slightest bit.

Immediately, Levi averted his eyes, swallowing in embarrassment. “No reason,” he mumbled awkwardly.

Eren squirmed a bit, swallowing as well, but mustering the courage to keep his eyes straight on his face, to even raise a hand and ghost the pads of his fingers over Levi’s cheek. “Is it okay if…?” He trailed off, too nervous to put what he was thinking into words. Instead, he skimmed his thumb across Levi’s lips, the digit just barely touching him.

Levi’s eyes flicked back to Eren’s before he gave one small, jerky nod in response.

Eren’s heart fluttered as he continued to cup Levi’s cheek. He did everything in his power not to think as he lowered his head and gently pressed his lips against the other’s.

Levi seemed to almost melt beneath him, his body relaxing as a hand found its way up Eren’s back, fingers tangling into a loose fist through the hair at the nape of his neck while the other kept hold of his waist. He lifted his chin just a bit to gain better access to Eren’s lips, pressing more firmly against him.

Eren couldn’t help taking a slight risk, tenderly nibbling at Levi’s lower lip and tugging a bit at the lip jewelry, earning the subtlest, breathiest of groans in the process. Levi pulled back then, letting his head relax back into the mattress, eyes remaining shut.

Eren took this as his cue to roll off, swallowing hard past his breathlessness. “Too much?” he mumbled.

“... _no_ ,” Levi sighed. “I just...wasn’t expecting that.”

“Sor--”

As if he knew what Eren was going to say before Eren knew himself, the raven rolled over and cupped his chin, kissing him again to swallow up the word. “Shut up,” he muttered lowly. “Don’t be sorry.”

A smile spread across Eren’s face, his toes curling where they hung off the end of the bed. “Okay,” he whispered, tilting his head forward to press his forehead against Levi’s. “Can I tell you something?”

“Mhm,” Levi hummed in content.

“I missed you.”

The raven huffed a laugh. “You don’t say?” he joked sarcastically. “I never would’ve guessed.”

“Hey…” Eren complained.

“C’mon, kid. You radiated eagerness the whole way home, and you practically tackled me the second we got in here.”

“Not my fault it’s gotten so lonely in here since you left,” grumbled the brunet.

“What, can’t take sleeping in your own bed like a big boy?” teased the older.

“Hmph…” Eren began pulling himself away. “I see how it is,” he mumbled with a mock pout.

Just as he was sitting up, though, Levi’s hands seized his waist and pulled him back down, tickling him into submission until he hovered over him on the edge of the bed. The right corner of his lips was quirked upward, a kind of joy smoldering in his eyes.

“I win,” he murmured triumphantly.

“Okay, I give,” Eren said breathlessly, still squirming a little under the other’s hold.

Playfully, Levi rolled his eyes before moving to his feet and offering Eren a hand to stand up. “Better unpack before Petra comes up here wondering why the hell we haven’t come down yet,” he said.

Eren stifled his sigh and nodded, trying not to come off as too disappointed. Not surprisingly, Levi saw right through him and shook his head, an amused glint in his eye.

Game day turned out to be more enjoyable than Eren had expected. It was as if something about having the family complete again gave everyone a mood boost. Even Annie, who was generally pretty apathetic about family game time and was on her phone whenever it wasn’t her turn (and generally ended up losing the game) was participating more than usual.

That night, unsurprisingly, Eren completely ignored his own bed after finishing his nightly routine and plopped down right next to a reading Levi, whose brows raised at his arrival.

“Hey,” Eren said, smiling.

“Hey,” Levi murmured back, folding his bookmark into the crevice and placing the book on his bedside table.

“How many books have you read in the past several months?” Eren pondered.

“Mm, a dozen or so. Why?”

Eren shrugged. “Curious. Are they…?” He trailed off, cheeks heating up.

“Are they what?” Levi prompted. “Your favorites?” he guessed. Sheepishly, Eren nodded. “Yeah, most of them.”

“So...have you liked any of them?”

“Most of them,” Levi repeated. “Some got a little stale, but overall you’ve got good taste.”

Eren couldn’t help but beam at that, and thus launched a long, seemingly endless conversation. Eren could talk about books all day; since he learned to read, books were the things that kept him sane, kept him grounded. It was a rare occasion when he wasn’t in the middle of at least one.

“Is it weird...that sometimes I dream about the characters I’ve read about?” he murmured at one point into the conversation, not long after they’d laid on their sides to face each other, a sleepy kitten curled up at their feet.

“No,” Levi told him. “What do they look like?”

This only prompted Eren into a whole new slew of enthusing about stories, and he was so into it that neither of them noticed the time until Levi twisted around and told him it was nearly one in the morning.

“Holy crap, really?” Eren mumbled. He sat himself up to see the clock and it indeed was only a few minutes until 1 AM. It was only then he noticed the red tinge of sleepiness in Levi’s eyes and the dryness of his own. “Wow...sorry,” he chuckled lightly, snuggling down into the bed further. “I didn’t mean to blabber on so long.”

“Hm, no issue,” Levi mumbled tiredly. He twisted around once more to switch the light off before settling in. “It was nice...listening to you,” he managed past a yawn.

Butterflies erupted throughout Eren’s entire being. “Seriously?” he whispered. “You didn’t get bored?”

“Not once, kid. But we should get some sleep...since the parade is tomorrow.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah.” But after that comment, Eren was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep for at least a little while longer. Just as he was about to settle in and wait, though, he felt a hand slide around his waist and jumped at the unexpected contact.

“C’mere, brat,” the raven muttered. “‘M cold.”

“Wha…?” Eren gulped, maneuvering himself closer to the other. “Levi?”

The other merely chuckled breathily, tucking his head into Eren’s chest, but offered no response. Eren’s heart was hammering relentlessly into his ribs; beside him, Levi felt so small and innocent, and despite knowing he wouldn’t be getting any sleep for a while, he was still more than grateful to be lying beside him again.

~

The following morning, Eren knew right away he hadn’t gotten enough rest when he peeled his dry eyes back open to the light of morning shining through their curtains. His body was stiff, too, from having barely moved during the night. Though Levi had rolled away somewhat, he had a hand tangled through the top of Eren’s hair, still sleeping soundly; it was a sight Eren couldn’t help but smile at.

Petra was around and herding everyone out of bed only a few minutes after Eren had gotten up for a bathroom trip, leaving him with the task of waking Levi. Unaware of his grin, he crept back into the room and pressed his back against the door to shut it before tiptoeing over to the other. With the very tips of his fingers, he brushed the hair away from Levi’s forehead and then traced the pad of his thumbs across his cheekbones, marveling a little at the beauty of the other. His fingers ran the length of Levi’s jaw before he pressed his palms to his chest, gradually pressing his own weight into the bed next to him.

Levi’s brows twitched together a bit, his eyes flicking beneath their lids as a small, quick breath pulled through his nostrils. Half a second later, his lashes were fluttering open to the sight of a smiling Eren hovering above him, his hands warm and soft against his chest. And that sight alone had him reaching up to wrap a hand around the back of his neck to pull him in for a slow, gentle morning kiss that rendered Eren a little light-headed.

“Um…” mumbled the younger with an awkward laugh. “G-good morning to you, too.”

“Hey,” Levi sighed out as he began stretching his limbs before sitting up. “What time is it?”

“Just after eight,” Eren informed him, settling into the bed beside him for a minute. “Petra’s getting everyone up to get ready.”

“I thought the parade wasn’t until noon…”

“It’s not. She probably just wants everyone to get breakfast and stuff.”

“Ah…”

Breakfast, as it turned out, was a ‘surprise’ trip to IHOP. As soon as Marco realized where it was they were headed, he fist-pumped the air and was the first out of the car and up to the door. The meal was fairly easy going, and as soon as they were done, they headed back toward downtown, Oluo making a comment about getting a good view.

Much to Eren’s relief, the crowd wasn’t as thick as anticipated quite yet. They set up their chairs at the corner of a road after Oluo deemed it a good spot, and Eren sidled up on Levi’s right, settling in to wait for the event to start.

The parade only lasted an hour and a half or so, being exclusive to such a small town, with floats of all shapes and sizes, some with blaring music and others without. Eren found himself enjoying it nonetheless, especially with Levi by his side.

After all the walking and excitement of the day, Eren was practically exhausted by the time they got home from lack of sleep the previous night. Thus, he and the raven retreated to the sunroom, lying on the floor to gaze up at the sky as it faded into dusk, hands clasped together between them.

“Tell me about school,” Eren murmured after a bout of silence

“Hm...it’s fine,” Levi said. “There isn't much to say that you don’t already know.”

“You mean about your orchestra instructor being thoroughly impressed with your violin skills?” Eren said with a proud smile.

“Petra told you about that, huh?”

“Yup. She told me you’re first chair.”

A small scoff sounded from the older. “Yeah. It’s no big deal, though.”

“Liar,” Eren whispered affectionately. “She also told me about your winter concert coming up before the end of the semester.”

“Of course she did.”

“What, are you embarrassed?”

“No.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“...nothing,” Levi murmured. After that, he proceeded to change the subject, leading Eren to think there was something he was hiding. Still, he kept his mouth shut; if Levi wanted to talk to him, he could and he knew it.

The next morning brought Thanksgiving and snow - lots of snow. So much that, almost as soon as he opened his eyes to see the stuff flurrying around the windows of the sunroom, Levi let out an irritated groan and burrowed himself further underneath the blankets. Eren, having been up a good half hour with a book perched upon his knees, felt himself grin as he set the object aside, sliding back down. Carefully, he pinched the corner of Levi’s blanket between his fingers and lifted it, peeking beneath it to see the raven’s annoyed features.

“Boo,” he whispered.

“Go away, brat,” Levi grumbled, yanking the blanket back and burying himself again.

“Aw, don’t be like that,” Eren pouted playfully, trying to tug the blanket back. “Come out of there.”

Levi’s “no” was muffled.

Eren sat back up, crossing his arms and leg and twisting his face into something smug. “Alright, then I guess I’ll just have to find out if you’re ticklish…”

And just like that, the blanket whipped away to reveal an even more irritated Levi, his smoldering grays peering at Eren through glaring lids. “You wouldn’t,” he growled.

Eren’s grin widened deviously. “Oh, I would,” he said as he uncrossed his arms, curling his fingers into claws.

“Eren…” Levi warned, curling in on himself a little.

_Oh, he is_ so _ticklish_ , Eren thought, inching closer. Levi’s eyes only narrowed further.

“Stay away from me,” Levi continued, but to no avail as Eren continued to creep forward slowly. “Seriously, kid.”

Eren pounced, heading straight for Levi’s ribs. The raven gasped and squirmed, doing everything he could to try and escape the tickling fingers but was caught up by being cocooned in the blanket. Eren was unrelenting, laughing as he tried to make Levi do the same (and he was - sort of; to him, he was making the most unattractive sounds humanly possible). He sputtered out Eren’s name a few times, trying to find the right words to get him to stop.

As soon as he found the edge of the blanket, he whipped it away from himself and sat up just as Eren moved to lean back over him. As a result, their foreheads smacked together.

Eren gasped, retreating immediately and pressing his fingers to his left eyebrow, mumbling an “oww…”

“Shit,” Levi hissed, rubbing his own forehead where it’d collided with the other’s. “You’ve got a hard head, kid…” he grumbled.

“Sorry,” Eren mumbled, forcing a small laugh. He probed at the assaulted spot, wincing where it was the most tender. “So do you, though.”

Noting Eren’s slight grimace, Levi leaned toward him, reaching for the hand that was still investigating it. “Let me see,” he murmured. Eren’s lashes fluttered a bit as he let Levi lower his hand and use his own to brush across his eyebrow. “Didn’t mean to hit you in the eye…”

“So you did that on purpose?” Eren joked.

Levi rolled his eyes. “No.”

The younger let out a breathy chuckle. “I know.”

“Still, sorry. But I don’t think you’ll have a bruise.”

“Good. I dunno how I’d explain that to Petra.” Levi removed his hand and let it relax on Eren’s knee as Eren said, “Is your head okay?” He reached up to probe gently over Levi’s forehead.

“Fine. Barely hurts anymore.”

Eren’s head bobbed in a nod as his smile returned a little. His fingers gently brushed down Levi’s left cheek, resting them delicately at the his jaw as his eyes wandered affectionately over Levi’s face. For a split second, his eyes flicked up toward the door to ensure they were alone before he slowly leaned in, giving Levi a moment to protest; when he didn't, Eren gently slotted his lips against Levi’s, his eyes falling shut. Easily, Levi’s hands found Eren’s waist, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

Eren felt himself smiling into it, pressing closer and closer until Levi gave in and laid back again, pulling the brunet with him and only briefly disconnecting their mouths for Eren to whisper, “What if we get caught?”

“The risk makes it more fun,” Levi retorted, a mildly devious glint in his eye.

The brunet squeaked quietly when Levi tugged his head back down, capturing his lips again rougher than before. His fingers curled into fists on the raven’s shoulders; Levi’s hands slid over the center of Eren’s back while the other descended, fingers massaging at his hip before trailing subtly beneath his shirt. They skimmed tenderly over the smooth skin of his back, ever so slowly making their way back up. It wasn’t until he nearly reached Eren’s ribs when the younger gasped lightly and pulled back, not a trace left of the smile from earlier.

“D-don’t,” he murmured, tugging back. Quickly, Levi withdrew his arm.

“What is it?” he questioned.

Eren swallowed hard as he sat up. He refused to meet Levi’s eyes again. “It’s...it’s nothing…”

“Bullshit.” Levi sat himself up as well, beginning to reach for him again but retracting once more when Eren flinched. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“What? No! No, it wasn’t you.” His arms folded themselves over his stomach. “I just...I have scars,” he managed quietly.

“I know,” Levi murmured, trying to reach for him again. This time Eren let him take a hand, looking up at him in surprise.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I...accidentally saw you with your shirt off when we were at Hannah’s.”

“...oh.” Eren’s shoulders slumped.

“It’s okay, Eren. I’m not gonna hurt you. I promise.” Timidly, Eren’s eyes flicked back up. Levi gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But I think…I think better communication is in order, yeah?”

Eren gave a firm nod. “I’m sor--”

“No. It’s not your fault. Don’t ever apologize for what those shitbags did to you, got it? Not to me. Not to anyone.”

After that, Eren couldn’t help but dive in and throw his arms around Levi, burying his face into the crook of his neck just as a tear escaped down his cheek. His “thank you” was muffled by Levi’s shirt.

~

Later that evening, the boys laid across their beds, full to the brim with Petra’s home-cooked (of course), extensive Thanksgiving dinner. Eren couldn’t remember ever feeling so absolutely _stuffed_. His limbs were heavy; it felt as if his stomach was protruding like a pregnant woman’s; he swore he ingested so much gravy his blood was made of the stuff.

“I don’t think I’m ever gonna eat again,” he groaned, throwing an elbow over his face.

Levi let out a soft chuckle. “You say that now…”

“I know…” Eren sighed.

“Y’know, a couple years ago I wouldn’t have been able to eat a fraction of that without puking my guts up,” Levi mused.

“What do you mean?” Eren asked, rolling himself onto his right side to face the other.

“Being left on the streets for several months with little food tends to weaken your stomach,” he explained. “Took me quite a while to get accustomed to actual meals again.”

“That...must’ve sucked,” Eren whispered for lack of anything better to say.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” agreed Levi. “But at least I know how to appreciate a good meal now.”

Eren’s mouth quirked up. “Petra’s a pretty great cook, huh?”

“Best I’ve ever tasted.”

That only prompted Eren to smile more. “Me too. But my mom was right up there with her,” he said softly, faintly remembering the days of his childhood. Despite working so much to support them, Carla had always found the time to make meals for him, even if she made them in mass to freeze and be heated up later. Though Eren couldn’t remember the exact flavor of anything she cooked, he did recall thoroughly enjoying her dishes. “She was even better at baking…” he softly mused aloud. “When she had time, she would bake sour cream cookies with sugar frosting.”

“Sour cream?” Levi muttered, frowning. “Why would you put sour cream in a cookie?”

Eren half-shrugged. “I dunno. But they were delicious. You couldn’t taste the sour cream, anyway. It’s like using applesauce in cake instead of flour.”

The creases between Levi’s thin brows only became more defined. “What?”

Eren chuckled. “Don’t ask me who thought of it or anything, but it’s a thing.”

“Huh.”

Suddenly, Eren sat up. He tugged one of the curtains away from the window, letting in a soft stream of silver light. Snow blanketed the ground all over and balanced itself on the thinnest of the trees’ branches. It piled up at the foot of the swingset and hid the concrete of the patio down below. Still, it practically glowed, drawing Eren’s attention up to the star dusted sky where a nearly full moon hung in solitude.

“We should go to the sunroom,” he said. “The sky is so clear.”

“Hm?” Levi moved up beside him, gazing out as well. “Wow.”

“C’mon,” Eren urged, taking him by the wrist and heading for the door.

The two settled in at opposite ends of the sectional, their feet and legs tangled together under the biggest blanket they could find in the closet. Levi had his arms folded behind his head, eyes half-lidded and looking more at Eren’s blissful face than the stars, watching how his eyes were filled with wonder as he gazed up. His heart squeezed lovingly.

Neither of them said anything for a long while. The only sound came through the door to the rest of the house where the other kids were playing some sort of game. It was comfortable. Peaceful.

_Home…_

“Hey, Levi?” Eren whispered, a sudden thought popping up.

“Hm?”

“D’you think if we ask, Oluo will light the fireplace?”

“Probably.”

The kid sat up. “Let’s go ask.”

Once they heard the fireplace would be lit, the rest of the kids elected to move their game into the sunroom as well. Eren and Levi decided to join and soon the whole family was sidled up to one another, playing multiple rounds of _Sorry_ , in the middle of which dessert (pumpkin pie and vanilla bean ice cream) occurred. After what they decided to be the last round, Marco declared he wanted to watch _Monsters Inc._ , and they disappeared from the room again. Levi and Eren declined the invitation to join for the movie, so Oluo instructed Levi on how to put out the fire and to make sure they did so before falling asleep. They took turns upstairs doing their nightly ritual before they were comfortably situated on the floor in the sunroom beside each other, a little closer than they usually were when they knew other members of the household were still awake.

Again the room fell quiet. Eren’s eyes were fixed on the dying flickers of the fire, and as they do in the silence, his thoughts began to wander until Levi’s voice cut through the quiet.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You,” Eren replied as if he knew the question was coming.

“Great,” Levi mumbled sarcastically.

“It’s nothing bad,” Eren promised. “I’m just...sort of wondering something.”

“Which would be…?” Levi prompted.

Eren swallowed, shifting more onto his back. “Well...remember when you first got here? How we didn’t talk for the first several weeks?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to know why you didn’t talk to me all that time,” he half-whispered as if he was somewhat afraid to know the answer.

“You mean other than the fact that you were practically mute?” Levi questioned.

“Well, yeah. But I was trying, you know? Even though I didn’t want to speak. And then when I finally found the will to, you just brushed me off. I felt like I’d done something wrong.”

“You hadn’t.”

“Then why?”

Levi let out a long, slow breath, his demeanor suddenly stiffer as he lifted a hand to cover his face. “Oh hell, Eren…” he mumbled.

“What?” urged the younger.

“It’s...fucking embarrassing,” grumbled Levi.

Grinning a little, Eren wrapped a hand around Levi’s wrist, trying to pull his hand away. “Tell me,” he plead. “Wouldn't you want to know?”

Levi let his arm be tugged away but was quick to replace it with the opposite, throwing his elbow across instead. “It’s because...jesus…”

Again, Eren tugged his arm away, a giddy feeling surfacing. "Tell me," he coaxed again.

Levi huffed one more time before locking his eyes blankly onto the ceiling. "Because from the second I saw you, something in me just...clicked. I have no idea what it was, and it honestly scared the shit out of me.

"What do you mean something 'clicked'?" Eren asked.

"I mean it was like I felt an attachment from the get go. Almost like I'd been looking for you my whole life but didn't know until the second I saw you. But it scared me. And I was apathetic about my whole goddamn life in general that I pushed it away, ignored it. I figured if I pretended you weren't really there, it would go away."

Eren forced a swallow, shifting his eyes away. "I see," he murmured, remembering more easily than he'd have liked to how Levi hardly looked at him and how desperate he felt to get _some_ acknowledgement. He remembered the steely, almost unforgiving look in those smoldering eyes the first time they met and yet had wanted to get to know him immediately. At first he'd chalked it up to their being roommates, to not wanting to be total strangers with the one he lived in the same room with and that maybe, despite all the baggage from his past, he might manage to make a friend.

But lying there now, cuddled up to Levi's side, sharing body heat as a winter storm was still covering the town, he realized it was more than that - it was an underlying feeling he'd failed to take notice of before. With Levi there with him, though, after months of waiting, it was front and center.

"You made it hard to ignore you, though, even though you were so damn quiet,” Levi went on quietly.

"What? How?"

"Like I said before, you've got loud vibes. Plus when you asked if I wanted to meet Zoë, and then leaving the damn violin on my bed...it was like you were demanding my attention. So I played along."

"Oh yeah. The obligation thing..." Eren murmured. "I thought you just bothered yourself with my company because you felt you owed me something for using my wish to get your violin."

"Heh, yeah. And I played it off like that's the way I felt, and I tried my damnedest to convince myself that's what I was doing..."

The subtlest of smiles twitched at Eren's features. "But?" He had to ask, wanting to hear Levi say it aloud despite being confident he already knew.

"Shit, I don't know. Then I was doing things on impulse. The second you told me about your mom, I knew how I wanted to use my wish. And hell, this is so fucking cheesy, but it felt so right that I was so pissed at Annie I was having to hold myself back from going off on her for almost ruining it.”

Eren propped himself up on an elbow to clearly see Levi’s face. “Y-you really feel that strongly about me?” he managed.

Levi’s brows hiked up. “Do you have to ask?” he deadpanned.

Eren swallowed hard past the sudden buildup of emotions. “Then...that leads me to another question.”

“Shoot.”

“If that’s the case,” he began slowly, “then why did you ignore me again after I told you how I feel?”

“...the same reason, really. It scared the shit out of me. Part of me thought you were lying. Another told me I’d imagined it, but I knew it hadn’t when I saw how torn apart and confused you looked.”

Eren relaxed a little. “Oh...so then, when did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That...that you felt the same way. Was it when I said something?”

“No. It was...on our trip.” His voice grew increasingly softer as if he was embarrassed to say.

“When?” Eren prompted.

“Th-the night we caught fireflies.” He cringed internally for stuttering, but the memory of said night was front and center. He could still vividly see the way the light from the insects reflected and illuminated in Eren's perfect green-blue irises. Could still feel his warmth as he was huddled closely by his side. Could feel the butterflies in his own stomach and hear the sound of Eren’s voice amongst the crickets. And he remembered the ache in his chest during their conversation that night, lying next to each other in bed, and how much he wished there was something he could do to ease Eren’s pain.

Presently, Eren smiled, eyes on the glowing embers in the fireplace. “Do you wanna know my exact moment?” he whispered, curling into Levi’s side again.

“Yes.”

“The next day, when you played at the cemetery.”

Levi hummed quietly, tucking Eren’s head beneath his chin. Neither of them said anything for a long while until Eren murmured sleepily, “Will you play for me tomorrow, Levi?”

“‘Course, kid.”

Eren merely reached up to press a kiss to Levi’s cheek in thanks, but before he could move back down, a hand came up to cup his chin and a mildly chapped pair of lips found his in the dark. He hummed contentedly, when it was over and laid back down, too sleepy to hold himself up any longer.

“Be right back,” Levi said quietly. With happy, blurry eyes, Eren watched as his figure moved to smother what was left of the fire. He then rejoined Eren, gently pulling him back and letting his brunet mop make a pillow of his chest.

That night, a steady heartbeat was Eren’s lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and all the love on this story ♥♥


	28. XXVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with this chapter in the slightest, but I feel bad for making you guys wait a month. Sorry. >.<

Levi’s departure was a couple days later, but he made sure not to leave before breaking a bit of news to Eren.

“So uh, remember when I told you I’m not exactly one hundred percent thrilled with DAU?” he asked as Eren was helping him make sure all of his things were in order to go back.

“Mhm,” Eren hummed as he folded in half the new list of recommended books.

“Well I’m still not completely sure of my decision, but Petra said I’m allowed to change schools after the semester is over if that’s what I want to do.”

Eren’s head snapped up. “Really?” He knew he was failing in his attempt not to sound _too_ hopeful.

“Yeah, really. Like I said before, DAU’s nice, but it’s probably a little too nice. I don’t think playing in a huge, fancy orchestra is exactly what I wanna do, either, and that’s pretty much all they offer. So I’m thinking about transferring.”

Eren nodded, handing him the list to tuck in beside his violin. “Where would you transfer to?” he asked slowly.

“Probably ANU.”

Eren swore his heart literally did a jump for joy in that moment. Levi transferring to ANU meant he’d be closer, which meant he’d live with them again. Still, Eren didn’t want to be selfish; really, he truly wanted Levi to do what was best for him regardless of Eren himself, but he couldn’t help but be at least a little ecstatic internally despite knowing it wasn’t good to get his hopes up.

~

When they got back to the campus, Petra said her goodbye and allowed Eren to walk Levi back up to his room. He stretched out every second he possibly could before Levi left one last, tender, tooth-rotteningly sweet kiss on his lips and sent him back on his way.

It was less than three weeks from then when the semester would be over and, regardless of Levi’s choice, he would be home again. Immediately after getting back into the car, Eren was brainstorming things he could get or make Levi for Christmas and, more importantly to him, his birthday, which happened to fall on the same day.

In the midst of their Christmas shopping, Eren was constantly thinking about it. Petra had them do a Secret Santa by drawing each other’s names from a bowl to lessen the load money-wise. Eren had drawn Annie’s name, and if that wasn't difficult enough, he had Levi’s present to think about on top of it. He’d pulled Petra aside after they’d drawn names and asked if he could do something for Levi, too.

“So long as it isn’t highly expensive, sure,” she told him with a smile. “Just...don’t let the other kids know about it, alright? I know it’s for Levi’s birthday, but it might seem a little unfair.”

“My lips are sealed,” Eren assured her, a somewhat jittery feeling of secrecy bubbling up.

It took several days and a conversation with Petra to figure out what he should get for Annie, and the same night after getting said gift, a brilliant idea for Levi’s birthday present popped into his head just before falling asleep. He’d sat up quickly and shuffled for a sticky note and a pen so there was no way he’d forget it.

The days quickly wound down toward Levi’s winter orchestra concert. As usual, Eren occupied himself - reading, playing games, helping Petra shower the house in her seemingly endless amount of Christmas decorations, and most importantly, working away at Levi’s birthday gift.

The day the concert rolled around was the day Oluo was off on another unexpected business trip, clearly upsetting Petra because it was already so close to Christmas. He promised he’d do everything he could to be back before the day arrived, but it was easy to see it put a damper on the mood, especially when the car ride to the university remained eerily quiet the entire way.

Even still, the foggy mood seemed to somewhat dissipate as they walked into the rather _enormous_ auditorium. Eren’s eyes were wide as he took it all in - large, round lights hung from the ceiling; there were rows upon rows upon rows of seats, their surfaces all looking to be made of some sort of velvet material; carpeted stairs spanned each side of them with one down the center. It looked like a fancy movie theater, though with a large stage replacing the screen at the front. The heavy red curtains were drawn, of course, hiding anything that might have been going on up there.

The room wasn’t completely full yet, but Eren remembered Petra saying the show would likely sell out and that it was a good idea to get there early.

“Can we sit up front?” Marco asked excitedly.

“Lead the way, Marco,” Petra encouraged.

The dark haired boy took off instantly and swerved around to the third row, the closest one with enough seats to accommodate the five of them. Eren situated himself in the middle with Marco and Mikasa on his right and Annie and a Petra to his left. With twiddling thumbs, he settled in to wait.

As the auditorium continued to fill with people, the volume of chatter increased and the less patient Eren was. With all the others occupied - Marco on an old gameboy Oluo found for him, Mikasa drawing, Annie absorbed in her phone (none of which was out of the usual), and Petra reading a book, he was left with staring at his feet, wishing he’d also thought to bring something to read.

It wasn’t much longer, though, before the lights began to dim and the room faded into quiet. Eren sat up straighter in anticipation. It was still a minute before the curtains began to part, but when they did his eyes were immediately scoping out the stage for Levi, even before the lights above the orchestra brightened to life.

At the front of the orchestra, a dark-haired woman stood behind a microphone. Eren could only bounce his leg, running clean out of patience as she took her time with her introduction before turning and stepping up to her music stand. As she raised her arms, Eren’s eyes were still scoping everyone out until they landed directly on Levi, who was just to the conductor’s left, toward center stage.

Eren was unaware of the proud smile playing across his lips and wide eyes not wanting to miss a second. His eyes only briefly left Levi to see the rest of the performers as the first song played out.

The entire auditorium was filled with the sound of strings, percussion, brass, and other instruments Eren couldn’t name. Though he’d seen Levi play several times over in the past, he couldn’t help but be absolutely captivated by the entire group playing through melodies and harmonies with one another, their bows in perfect sync. His heart stuttered in pride and happiness when his ears picked up on the sound of an instrument sounding over the others and found Levi’s bow in particular to be off from the others’, indicating it was him, the sound of his solo ringing out beautifully over the audience.

Eren’s heart swelled with pride and love as he watched in pure awe. Levi was absolutely incredible and he was buzzing for the rest of the show with happiness.

~

When the performance was over, Eren was all too eager to get out the door. Behind him, his foster siblings were chattering away about the performance and Levi in particular. They headed to the lobby to wait, where Levi found them a few minutes later. As soon as Eren laid eyes on him, he had to stop himself from sprinting to him and instead greeted him with a big smile.

Petra was the first to pull him into a hug, a proud mom smile on her face. “You did amazing,” she told him. “Why didn’t you tell us you’d be soloing?”

“I wanted to keep it a surprise,” he said casually.

Petra just shook her head, pride shining in her eyes. “I didn’t know you were so good.”

The others agreed and after a few minutes of standing around talking, a few other people coming around to congratulate Levi, Eren said he had to use the restroom, nudging Levi’s hand with his own in indication.

“Anybody else have to go?” Petra asked.

When the others shook their heads, Levi said, “Go ahead to the concessions. We’ll meet up in a few.” With that, he waved Eren along to lead him to a bathroom.

When they were sure they were out of sight of the others, Levi was the one to find Eren’s hand and pull him along, holding more tightly than Eren ever remembered him doing before. His stomach fluttered and he jogged a little to fall into stride right beside him, smiling.

Eventually they made it out of the crowd and to a bathroom that felt like it was halfway across campus, one in a dimly lit hallway, quiet save for their footsteps.

“Where are we going?” Eren whispered, sounding just as giddy as he felt.

“Bathroom,” Levi answered casually. “Like you said you needed. Just not the closest bathroom to the lobby area.”

Eren laughed. “Clearly.”

Once in the bathroom, one that was completely void of any other life, Eren practically threw himself at the other, holding him tightly and spinning them in an awkward circle.

“You did amazing,” he gushed. “Seriously, amazing.”

Levi chuckled, stopping him mid-turn. “Thanks, kid.”

Eren pulled himself back, taking Levi in. “I’m serious,” he insisted.

“I know you are.”

“And…” Eren pressed his lips together, a little nervous. “You look really good, too,” he said quietly, unable to meet the raven’s eyes while heat was filling his face.

“Yeah. You too.” Levi said, reaching up to lift Eren’s chin with his finger.

Eren’s blush only darkened. “Th-thanks.”

“C’mere,” Levi coaxed, sliding a hand around the back of his neck and tugging him closer. He only lingered back a moment before stretching up a bit for a kiss.

Eren couldn’t help smiling into it, his hands finding their way to Levi’s hips. His heart fluttered - at Levi’s closeness, at the soft texture of his lips, at his warmth, at the fact that they’d snuck away just to be alone with each other, even if it was only a short moment.

Before long, Eren felt the hard surface of the bathroom wall press into his back, a small squeak of surprise eliciting from his throat. And suddenly it was...different. Levi’d never kissed him this way before. It was more than affection, more than the sweet, _I really like you_ kisses he was used to, more than the tender, loving gestures and it went even further than during experimental kissing late at night or times they’d snuck away from the others before. It was... _heat_ , and Eren felt himself tingling from the inside out, the tiniest whimpers managing to escape no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

Just barely pulling away, Levi chuckled through his chest. “Y’good?” he breathed.

“Yeah,” Eren managed.

The raven hummed, kissing the corner of his mouth before retreating a bit, his hand straying away from Eren’s neck and into the pocket of his dress pants. “I have something for you,” he murmured. “It’s really fucking cliche, though, so I can take it back if you don’t want it.”

Eren was already smiling as he said, “I don’t care if it’s ‘cliche’.”

Levi snorted lightly as he pulled a small plastic bag from his pocket. From that, he retrieved another even smaller, clear ziplock bag, inside of which was a delicate silver chain. As he was stuffing the bigger of the bags away into his pocket, he held the smaller out to Eren, who, with eyes lit up, took it and gently tugged it open. He let the small chain slide out onto his palm and worked on undoing it. Hanging from it was a small circular pendant, only about the size of the tip of his thumb. Engraved in it was the paw of a cat, complete with claws.

“I found it in the gift shop,” Levi explained, watching Eren’s eyes sparkle as he admired it. “Took me forever to decide if I should give it to you, though.”

“I love it,” Eren said. “Seriously. It’s beautiful.”

That cracked a small smile from the raven. “Here,” he said, holding out a hand. Willingly, Eren gave him the necklace and turned around to let him clasp it around his neck. He moved over to the mirror and, after just a little adjusting, smiled at the way it rested just beneath his collarbone. He wasn’t usually one to wear necklaces, but this one was from Levi, and the cat print only made it that much more meaningful.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Sure.”

Still practically beaming, the brunet pivoted back around and took Levi into his arms again, planting a sweet kiss right on his lips. “You’re the best.”

Levi merely chuckled. “C’mon, let’s get back before they come looking for us.”

“‘Kay,” Eren agreed, and they were on their way.

“The semester ends in a week,” Levi explained on the way. “I should be home next Thursday, and by then I’ll have an answer for you for sure.”

Eren nodded thoughtfully, watching the marble tile go by beneath his feet. “You’re not gonna let me - well, us - influence your decision, right? I mean, it’s for you.”

“I know, Eren, but you’re important enough to me that it’s something I’m not going to just leave out when it comes down to it.”

Eren’s heart jumped. “S-still…”

“Don’t worry too much about it, kid.”

“Right.” Eren swallowed.

Suddenly, Levi was tugging his hand back. They’d just made it around to where they could faintly hear the voices of the crowd traveling down the hall but were still out of sight.

“Hey,” Levi murmured, softer than before. He was looking straight up into Eren’s eyes as if he could see right through him. It made Eren feel sort of naked, but not in a bad way. “No matter what happens, I promise I’m not going to abandon you. Not again. _Never_ again. Got it?”

Eren’s eyes stung with tears, but he nodded. “Got it.”

They made it back to the others soon after, though they didn’t stick around long seeing as it was getting pretty late and they had quite a long drive ahead of them. They said their goodbyes to Levi at the door, once again reminding him of how proud they were of his performance, and were soon on their way.

For the entire ride that was quiet after the first few minutes, after Marco had fallen asleep against Eren’s side (though he didn’t mind a bit), he kept his eyes fixed out the window at the passing darkness of the highway. He held the pendant of his new necklace between his fingers, gently fingering the engravement with butterflies in his stomach the whole way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, the scene in the bathroom was originally gonna get a lot more heated than that but then I was like meehhh...they're not quite there yet xD
> 
> Also, this is only half edited 'cause I'm lazy, so yeah.


	29. XXIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I don't even know what happened to this chapter, lmao. It got kinda dark unintentionally x'D

Levi came home a day earlier than anticipated. Eren was standing at the kitchen counter, chopping potatoes for the casserole Petra was putting together, completely oblivious to the knock on the front door that Mikasa was the one to answer.

As soon as he saw her, Levi lifted a finger to his lips, a mischievous glint in his eye. Even she smirked a bit and quietly welcomed him home.

“Where's Petra?” he whispered as he stepped in, soundlessly pulling the door shut.

“In the kitchen with Eren,” the girl whispered back.

Levi gave a small nod. “Is anyone upstairs?”

She shook her head.

“Good. Don’t let anyone else know I’m here, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay,” she whispered.

Mikasa made her way back to the couch where she’d been as he tiptoed up the stairs with his things.

Eren remained in the kitchen, still entirely unaware of the situation. When he was finished with the last of the potatoes, Petra relieved him from cooking help to set the table. He was just reaching up to retrieve the five needed plates when a familiar voice that sent warmth down the length of his limbs and erupted butterflies in his stomach said from behind, “Anything I can do to help?”

Simultaneously, both Eren and Petra whipped around, eyes wide, to find Levi leaning against the frame of the door that separated the kitchen from the living room. The brunet disregarded the dishes and his foster mother altogether when he launched himself at the raven, engulfing him in a tight hug, laughing as Levi staggered back a little having to grasp the doorframe to steady himself.

“You’re early!” he accused a moment later as he pulled back, gently and playfully swatting Levi’s shoulder.

Two thin brows arched upward. “Should I go back?”

“No,” Eren mumbled. “But why didn’t you tell us?”

“I was under the impression that you liked surprises,” Levi retorted. Though his mouth was more or less a neutral line, the glint of amusement shone in his dark irises.

“And a surprise it was,” Petra said, coming forth to fold her foster son into a hug. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks.”

“How’d you get back?” she asked.

“Bus. I left this morning.”

“Didn’t you have one more final you had to do today?” Eren asked with a furrowed brow.

“My instructor gave us the option to take it early, so I did.” Levi gave a noncommittal shrug.

“Well we’re glad you’re back,” Petra said. “And, as a matter of fact, you can help by helping Eren set the table.”

“Can do,” Levi said. Together, the two retrieved enough dishes and silverware for the (now) six of them and spread them across the table the way it was always done. Once the milk classes were in place, Levi snorted.

“What?” Eren asked, feeling the heat creeping up already as he found Levi’s eyes to be directly on him.

“Your face is gonna get stuck that way if you keep it up,” said the raven.

It was only then that Eren realized he’d been smiling the whole time they were arranging the dishes, and widely so. His cheeks were a little sore and immediately fell a little. “Oh,” he mumbled with a small laugh.

“You can’t seriously be _that_ happy I’m home early,” Levi mumbled.

In total, non-Eren-like fashion, the younger crossed his arms. “You can’t _seriously_ be asking that question,” he mumbled, doing a poor job of mimicking Levi’s voice.

Levi could only shake his head and snort another laugh.

~

They spent the remainder of the evening doing family things (even if it did feel a little incomplete without Oluo). Though it was simply another game night that ended in watching a movie (that, as usual, Marco fell asleep to), Eren found himself smiling throughout most of it and, of course, sticking close to Levi’s side.

When the movie ended, Petra shuffled the younger of the kids up the stairs to bed, leaving Eren and Levi alone in the dark living room with the dimly glowing TV with its ‘no signal’ message displayed across it.

“D’you wanna watch another movie?” Eren asked after Petra’s footsteps faded up the stairs following her soft call of ‘goodnight’.

“Sure, if you do,” Levi replied.

Eren slid off the couch and crawled over to the movie case. He read a few titles to Levi and after deciding on _Meet the Robinsons_ , popped it into the Blu-ray player.

“Come here, kid,” Levi said as the movie was starting, stopping Eren halfway into climbing back up onto the couch. Eren’s head turned, his turquoise irises catching the light of the television and illuminating. “Sit with me.”

The younger paused. “What if Petra comes back down?” he whispered.

“So?” Levi said with a mild shrug. “She can go back to the sunroom as easily as she can come in here. Besides, do you really think she doesn’t suspect us at this point?”

Eren didn’t have much of an answer for that. Truthfully, he hadn’t really thought about it. So, bringing his blanket along, he cuddled up next to Levi in the recliner, draping said blanket over both of their laps. His stomach fluttered when he felt Levi’s arm sliding around his waist to tug him closer, and then again when Levi’s lips pressed gently but briefly to the side of his forehead.

“Can I ask you something?” Eren said quietly a few moments later.

“You wanna know what my decision is, right?”

Eren rubbed at the back of his neck, mildly embarrassed. “Well, yeah,” he laughed softly.

“I was wondering when you were gonna bug me about that.” Eren frowned a little at the use of the word ‘bug’ as Levi continued. “I’m home ‘for good’,” he air-quoted. He watched as Eren immediately seemed to light up from the inside out. “I’m gonna transfer to ANU, and to save scholarship and grant money I’ll be living here instead of in the dorms.”

Levi swore he’d never seen the kid so happy a day they’d known each other. It shone in his eyes like they were producing a light of their own, but it was clear he was trying not to look _too_ happy as his mouth remained virtually neutral.

“And that’s what you want for yourself?” he asked solemnly.

“Yes,” Levi responded with certainty.

The one word alone was enough for Eren to bring his hands up to press his palms gently to the sides of Levi’s face and kiss him. It was gentle and slow, but it was so full of raw emotion, absolute _love_ , that Levi swore he could drown in it.

The thing to break them apart was a cat hopping up into their laps and immediately butting her head into Eren’s elbow, already a purring machine. Smiling, Eren scratched her behind her ears as Levi stroked her back; they let her curl up on their legs and she never stopped purring, gazing up at them with sapphire eyes and a contentedly flicking tail.

“I think she’s happy you’re home,” Eren whispered, smile not faltering once.

“Guess that makes three of us,” Levi agreed.

~

Christmas Eve was the following Tuesday. Unfortunately, Oluo still hadn’t made it home and from Petra’s brief phone conversation with him; there was no guarantee he’d make it home for Christmas Day, either. Eren’s heart ached for his foster mother, seeing her disappointment clearly. He knew he’d feel the same if Levi wasn’t able to be home for the holiday.

It was only the night before when Eren finally finished Levi’s birthday present. He’d stayed up quite a while to work on it after the raven had passed out, attempting perfection and, as a result, ended up with several bandages on his fingers - ones that Levi was quick to notice.

“What happened to your hands?” he asked in a soft, concerned voice that Eren swore melted his heart. Levi was already reaching for them, frown etched onto his face.

“Uhm, I slipped a little when helping Petra cook…” he mumbled lamely. It was the first excuse he could think of.

“Three times?” the raven asked incredulously.

“Yeah.” Eren forced a laugh. “I’m pretty clumsy in the kitchen.”

Still, Levi gave him a disbelieving look, but he didn’t say anything. He knew Eren wasn’t exactly the most graceful person on the planet, but he wasn’t the clumsiest, either; he’d never been known to slip up with a knife while helping Petra cook, but Levi refrained from questioning him more. For that, Eren was grateful.

Later the same evening, the two laid side by side on the floor, gazing up as delicate white flakes danced lazily down on the glass of the ceiling. Snow already blanketed the ground outside and the flakes, tiny as they were, were beginning to stick to the ceiling of the sunroom now, too.

As usual, they were awake long after everyone else was in bed, stretching out their time together as if it would be over at any second. Eren had Levi’s hand clutched in his own between them under the blanket, savoring the warmth.

“I miss the stars,” Eren said without really thinking. Levi only hummed. “I mean, I like the snow, but I like stars better, y’know? Especially during summer.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s clearer. Winter just sort of...blocks everything. Obscures it. Summer feels more like freedom.”

Levi let loose a breathy chuckle. “I just hate the cold,” he said.

Eren grinned. “I know. But it kinda gives us an excuse…” He shimmied himself a little closer to the other to make his point.

Levi huffed with mild sarcasm. “Do you really need an excuse?” he mused, prompting Eren to elbow him lightly.

“Shut up,” he grumbled affectionately. He turned onto his side, though, as Levi allowed him to curl up into his arms, make a pillow of his shoulder. “Is it weird…?” he began, but second guessed himself halfway through the sentence.

“Is what weird?”

Eren cleared his throat and tried again. “Is it weird...that even though we’re technically ‘foster siblings’...that I’m in love with you?” His voice was small, if a little timid, as he formed the question. His stomach fluttered uneasily in anticipation, knowing his words could be a little risky and remembering what happened the first time he admitted such feelings to the raven.

“Hmph. Just because the foster system says one thing doesn't make it true,” Levi said. “Frankly, I don’t give a shit what they say, anyway.”

His answer only left Eren smiling. “Me either,” he agreed.

Though Levi hadn’t blatantly said it back, he could sense the feeling to be requited in the words he _did_ say, and that was enough for him, and it wasn’t long before he easily - and comfortably - drifted off to sleep.

~

Dark. Cold. The scene in around him was much, much too familiar. He swore he could feel the rigid surface of an icy concrete wall pressed against his back and the sting of several cuts across the surface of his skin. A piercing pain was settled snugly into his right side and the rest of him ached horribly.

_I’m back in the basement…_

“Levi?” he croaked out. His voice was barely there, but the small sound of a name he only vaguely recognized bounced off the concrete surrounding him. “Hello?”

Panicked, he felt up the wall, looking for anything to latch onto and pull himself up but to no avail. Even still, he gritted his teeth and shoved himself to his feet regardless, involuntary grunts of pain escaping as he did so.

_This can't be happening,_ he thought frantically. _I got out of here...I thought...I was far away from here…_

The unmistakable light from the living room at the top of the stairs leaked beneath the door. One look told him it was locked from the outside, as the handle was turned slightly down. It was dark; the light was the dim artificial of a dying fluorescent bulb.

“Levi?” he called again, softly. But really, he only vaguely understood why he kept calling the name, like the awareness of what it meant was shoved somewhere in the back of his mind. “Z-Zoë?”

He was halfway to the stairs. The chattering of a television became apparent to his ears, as did the shuffling and muffled voices of two people. Frowning, he pushed forward, nearly losing balance when another sharp pain jolted through his entire right side. When he reached the foot of the stairs, an awful sucking, slurping sound found his ears in time with ugly, rough groans.

His hand slapped to his mouth, his stomach heaving though nothing came up.

“Levi?” he called again, a little louder between his fingers. “Please...I need you…” Tears trailed down his sullen cheeks.

Suddenly, the sickening sounds came to a halt. A muffled question, more shuffling, and then loud, relentless footsteps slamming into the floor toward the door until two slender shadows appeared beneath it. Fear spiked throughout his entire being just before the handle shifted and the door swung open, slamming against the wall behind it. The handle promptly got stuck in a hole at precisely the right spot for it. Just on the other side of the threshold was The Man, wearing nothing but an unbuttoned flannel shirt and a pair of underwear that did nothing to conceal him.

Eren had never felt as absolutely petrified as he did in that second of meeting The Man’s eyes, glaring down at him with such raw hatred, a cigarette hanging from His chapped lip as smoke curled away from it.

“The hell’d you say, damn brat?” growled The Man in his rough, angry voice.

Eren was already scurrying away, crab-crawling back to his corner despite his pain, wishing down to his very core (yet not knowing why at the same time) that Levi was there, that Levi would protect him, fold him into his secure arms to keep The Man from touching him.

“You know better’n to talk, filth,” He growled. The wood of the stairs groaned in protest as He trampled down them. Eren was only mildly aware of another form taking His place in the doorway before He crouched above him, the stink of sweat, booze, and tobacco overwhelming Eren's sense of smell before His hand, balled into a fist, swung right for his stomach.

~

Eren shot upright with a strangled, painful gasp as if he’d truly been punched in the gut. His hands clutched at the blankets, his breath coming in panicked, struggled pants. He couldn’t wrap his head around anything but he fear rocketing through him, couldn't decipher his dream from the reality he was suddenly in now. The Man was gone, he was warmer, but…

“Eren!”

A soft, familiar voice broke through the _whoosh_ ing in his head and he jerked, head turning in the direction of it.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” Levi murmured. He was reaching for the boy who was a shaking, whimpering mess. As soon as his fingers made contact with him, though, he jerked away defensively, his arms coming up as if to shield himself.

_Nightmare_ , was all Levi could think.

“Eren,” he continued. “Hey, kid, it’s me. Okay? I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. Can you hear me?”

Slowly, Eren’s shiny green irises came into view, catching the dim light shining in from the snow outside as they usually did. A small gasp drew in between his lips. “Levi?” His voice was barely there.

“Yeah, it’s me. It's okay. I’m here. Whatever it was, it wasn’t real, okay? You’re safe.”

It was easy to see the conflict in Eren's demeanor, as if some part of him still didn’t believe it. Again Levi offered his hand but refrained from making contact.

“Everything is okay,” he said slowly. “See? Take my hand. You’re okay.”

Hesitantly, Eren’s hand lifted and his fingers just barely brushed Levi’s palm. Timid. But as soon as he felt the warmth and solidity of the other, he seemed to thaw out a little and sink closer to him, a small sob breaking from his chest.

“That’s it,” the raven coaxed. “Sshhh. I promise you’re safe. It was only a nightmare, but it's over now.”

“A n-nightmare?”

“A nightmare,” Levi repeated firmly. “Just breathe. I’m going to protect you.”

Slowly he coaxed Eren closer to him and made sure it was okay when he moved a hand to his shoulder, thumbed over his cheekbone just barely to help bring him back to reality. “Was it them?” he whispered.

Eren was still staring at him with fearful eyes. His teeth snapped shut and he nodded slowly. “It was...Him…” he said in a strangled voice.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No!”

“Okay. Come here. You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now.”

Eventually, Eren's head found Levi’s shoulder and he pressed close, his whole frame still shaking uncontrollably. “I thought it was real,” he whimpered. “I thought…”

“Shh,” Levi soothed, gently rubbing between his shoulder blades. “You’re okay now.”

“Don't leave, Levi.” His hands were viselike on Levi’s shirt at his ribs, his knuckles pressed firmly against his sides.

“I won’t. I’ll stay right here. You don’t have to be alone.”

Gradually, Levi leaned back with the shaking boy still in his arms. He continued rubbing his back, gently running his fingers through his hair and occasionally pressing a kiss to his temple. After a while, his shaking was little more than a subtle tremor localized just to his hands.

“Are you alright?” Levi murmured.

“I-I think so,” he managed, lifting his hand to wipe his face on his sleeves.

“Do you need anything?”

“Ah...maybe some water.”

“Okay. D’you wanna come to the kitchen with me or would you rather stay here?”

“It's dumb but I...don’t want to be alone.”

“It’s not dumb. Come on. Let’s get you on your feet.”

Levi managed to help Eren to his feet, where he wobbled a bit but allowed Levi to lead him into the kitchen by the hand. Quickly but quietly, Levi prepared a glass of cool water for him and placed it between both of his hands to lessen the chances of him dropping it.

“Thank you,” he mumbled absently before sipping at it.

Now in the light, Levi could see how terribly bloodshot the kid’s eyes were, how some of his hair stuck to his skin that was damp with sweat. With his shaky, apprehensive manner, Levi wished he knew what else he could say to comfort him.

“I didn't mean to wake you,” Eren said quietly after he’d managed to down half of the water, the two of them leaning their backs against the counter side by side. Levi made sure to remain close, just in case.

“I know. But don’t apologize.”

“...okay.”

“You scared the living shit out of me when I saw you, though. I thought…”

“Thought what?”

Levi shook his head. “Nothing. Have you ever had a nightmare that bad before?”

“No, not really. I don’t know why I had this one all of a sudden…”

“Maybe that’s why. An outlet, y’know? You've been holding all of that in for a long time...it was only a matter of time before you snapped, even if it was unconsciously.”

“I guess that makes sense.” He took another small sip. “Can we go back now?”

“Yeah.”

Levi let Eren lead the way back into the kitchen, his newly filled glass still in possession. He left it on the side table nearest his head and sunk down, immediately cuddling up close to the raven once they were both on the floor. Levi welcomed him easily, settling the blankets around both of them and tucking Eren's head under his chin.

“It's okay if you can’t sleep,” Levi told him. “I’ll stay with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Thank you.”

“‘Course, kid.”

“Levi?”

“Hm?”

“Will...uhm, will you kiss me?”

His voice was so quiet that Levi only barely heard the request. “You sure?”

“I think it might help ground me,” the younger said shyly.

Levi had to laugh a little. “Sure you're not just making excuses?” he teased lightly.

“I’m not!” Eren said defensively.

With another chuckle, Levi moved him back enough to see his face, glad he was beginning to sound like himself again. Still Eren’s eyes caught the light and with the glowing snow outside, the rest of his face was easy to make out.

“If you say so,” Levi said, not missing the tiniest of smiles manifesting on Eren’s lips.

Gently, Levi’s hand found the back of Eren’s neck as it always did, the other cupping his chin. Eren's own fingers fumbled for Levi’s shoulders just before a buttery set of lips molded to his and his eyes fluttered shut automatically.

He let himself think only of Levi’s presence - the warmth of his hands; his tenderness; his sweet, masculine scent; the few soft breaths escaping between kisses; his nose tucked right beside Eren’s; the flawless way his mouth moved gently with his own. It was exactly what Eren needed to fully bring him back to the present and chase away the memory of that awful, awful dream.

“Thank you,” he whispered against Levi, their foreheads pressed together now, the both of them a little breathless.

“Anytime.”

“And Levi?”

“Eren?”

“It’s after midnight...so, happy birthday.”

Levi merely laughed and kissed him again.


	30. XXX

Christmas morning, the sleeping occupants of the house were woken up by a rather obnoxious man dressed in a Santa Claus suit. Marco was the one, after excitedly greeting his foster father, to rush downstairs and wake the ones still slumbering soundly in the sunroom. Eren jerked awake at the sound of his ecstatic shout of, “Oluo’s home!”

“Wha?” he mumbled, automatically reaching up to rub an eye.

“He brought stuff. Come on!” And then the boy was gone, disappeared through the door without a backwards glance - not even at the way Eren had still been curled up against Levi’s side or the way they essentially shared the same blanket.

“The hell was that?” Levi groaned sleepily, dark lashes fluttering open.

“Marco,” Eren said with a yawn. “I guess Oluo made it home for Christmas.”

The raven sighed. “What damn time is it?”

Eren shrugged, sitting up to stretch. “I dunno, but it's Christmas, and Marco’s still only eleven. It makes sense that he’s awake so early.”

Though he didn’t catch it, Eren chuckled at whatever Levi mumbled under his breath before leaning forward and, before he could sit up, greeting him with a soft morning kiss. “Happy birthday.”

“Hmph, you already said that.”

“I’m saying it again.”

Levi rolled his eyes, but the slight smirk didn’t go unnoticed. “Thanks,” he said, sitting up.

The two ventured into the front of the house not long after to find Mikasa and Marco already crowded around the Christmas tree, where several new wrapped presents had piled up. They entered the room just as two people were descending the stairs - a man dressed in a bright red suit, complete with the hat and a fake white beard hanging from his chin with a red-headed woman carried bridal style in his arms. It was a sight Eren couldn’t help but smile at.

Oluo let her down at the end of the stairs and tugged off the beard, blowing out a breath of air. “I didn’t know having a beard could be so hot,” he said with a laugh.

Before long, they were all circled around in the living room on the floor, the coffee table having been moved out of the way. Petra had put on soft music in the background and Marco, already having volunteered to do so, was eagerly awaiting his cue to start handing out gifts.

“This one first!” he said, sliding out the largest one beneath the tree, one that Eren automatically recognized as his gift to Annie in the secret santa. After reading the tag, he passed it over to her.

A light, barely noticeable blush colored her cheeks as she carefully tore into the paper to reveal the boxed black and red basketball Eren had found at Walmart. When he’d first drawn her name, he was immediately wary about what to get her, seeing as she was the one he knew the least out of all of his foster siblings. What with her being buried in her phone ninety percent of the time, he had no solid ideas on what her interests were. A talk with Petra, though, cleared things up; he’d learned she was on the basketball team at her middle school when she lived at her previous foster home.

So of course he was closely watching for her reaction when she pieced together what it was, balling up the wrapping paper in the process. It was subtle, but her eyes did light up a bit before they met his, knowing only it was from him by the name on the tag.

“Thank you,” she said.

He nodded, smiling. “Petra told me there’s a park with a basketball court where you can use it,” he explained.

She nodded back and before things could get awkward, Marco was ready with the next present and passing it over to Mikasa. A small smile coated her delicate features as she mimicked Annie’s present-opening actions to reveal a set of what Eren could only assume were colorful markers.

“What are they?” Petra asked, smiling and leaning toward her.

“Watercolor pens,” she answered, holding them up for everyone to see. “I’ve never even heard of these…” she said.

“I hadn’t either, but we can take them back if you want,” Levi offered, directing all the eyes in the room to himself.

“No, I like them,” she said, smiling a little wider. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Onto the next present, which was passed over to Eren. It was wrapped in red paper with snowmen dancing all over it. It was shaped like a small box, but he immediately knew it felt to solid to be one. Just as he went to read the tag, Marco piped up, “This one’s from Mikasa!” He found the seam and tore it open to reveal something green and orange, wrapped in plastic. Books. Specifically the complete Percy Jackson series - something Eren has been wanting to get his hands on since he finished the first book several years ago.

“Holy crap, where did you find this?” he blurted, already admiring the unique coloring and design of the box the books came in, skimming over the titles of each book.

“Barnes and Noble,” Mikasa said. “Do you like it?”

“Yes. I’ve been wanting to finish this series for years. Thank you!”

Mikasa grinned a bit shyly at him before Marco was quickly moving onto the next present, which was passed to Levi. His eyes skimmed over the tag before he began opening it, but with the extra sparkle in Marco’s eyes and the way he bounced a bit where he sat, it was obvious who it was from.

Concealed in the wrapping paper was an even smaller box than the one Eren’s books came in. Its label portrayed a white mug decorated in five black, thin, wavy lines spanning across it with music notes in various places over them. The handle, too, was in the shape of an eighth note. Levi pulled the box over and out slid a piece of styrofoam that’d been protecting the mug itself, looking exactly the way it had on the label with the staff spanning its circumference.

“This is neat,” Levi said, smirking. “The eighth note handle is a cool idea. Thank you, Marco.”

The kid beamed, clearly thrilled that Levi liked it.

The last present from the secret santa was for Marco himself, and he wasted no time tearing into the oddly shaped gift. He gasped as soon as he saw the color of the box and discarded the rest of the paper onto the floor, forgotten, as he took in the brand new silver PlayStation controller it held.

“Since your X button keeps sticking,” Annie said with a mild, indifferent shrug.

“I didn’t know they made silver ones! Thanks!” Marco gushed, already ripping into the box to retrieve the controller itself.

The rest of the gifts brought by Oluo were miscellaneous things - sweaters and shirts, socks, scarves, gloves, a new board game that they could all participate in, some new kitchen things for Petra, a few new tree ornaments, among other stuff. It wasn’t much, but it was noticeably appreciated by everyone.

“And one last little thing,” Oluo said, reaching down around the side of the couch to retrieve a small box wrapped in blue paper. He tossed over to Levi who caught it with ease.

“What’s this for?” he asked.

“Your birthday, of course. Open it.”

“Oh yeah, it’s Levi’s birthday!” Marco exclaimed. “Happy birthday!” The others chimed in as well, prompting him to say a quick ‘thank you’ before returning his attention to the gift.

Attempting to hide his surprise, Levi tore into the paper and handed it to Eren, who’d ended up the keeper of the trash bag containing all of the crumpled wrapping paper. Pulling away the paper revealed a silver metal box, the lid having a small window to show off a shiny digital wristwatch nestled into the velvet interior. He gently tugged the lid off and worked on pulling the watch itself out. It was fairly small - silver with a black leather band, complete with a buckle.

“When I was in college, my watch always came in handy,” Oluo elaborated. “I know we’ve got all this silly technology nowadays, but you can never go wrong with a trusty wrist watch.”

Levi made himself smile a little; he wasn’t thoroughly impressed, but he was sure he’d make it a point to wear the watch at least for a while. “It’s great. Thank you.”

“Okay kids, I’m gonna go get started on breakfast. I’m making Christmas-themed pancakes,” Petra announced, already on her feet.

“Need any help, hon?” Oluo called after her as she disappeared into the kitchen.

“I won’t say no,” she called back. Her smile could be heard in her voice.

Eren was starting to get up to follow Oluo and help, too, when Levi caught his arm, shaking his head. “Leave ‘em alone for a bit,” he said knowingly.

“Oh. Right.” Eren grinned, settling back in to wait while Levi programmed his watch to the correct time, Marco worked on syncing his new controller with his PlayStation, Mikasa was reading up on how to use her new pens, and Annie was, with her basketball still in her lap, distracted by her phone.

Before long, the sweet smell of frying batter and peppermint was drifting throughout the house. Eren couldn’t help inhaling deeply; he _loved_ peppermint, and it only served to prove how hungry he really was. They were all watching Marco play a game when they were called into the kitchen.

Petra’s Christmas themed pancakes were, indeed, peppermint flavored with red and green sprinkles in them. They were stacked high on a plate beside the still hot stove.

“So I made bacon, as usual. But Eren, I found some tofu bacon at the grocery store and I figured it couldn’t hurt to try it. If you don’t like it, just let me know.” She pointed out the difference in the two plates containing bacon, indicating the one that was regular bacon and the one that was tofu. “And I finally found lactose free whipped cream for you, Marco.”

The boy gave a toothy smile at the news before they all commenced breakfast, buffet style as usual. Though it didn’t look particularly appetizing, Eren took a couple pieces of the tofu bacon to try. He found it wasn’t the most awful thing in the world, but it wasn’t something he cared to eat again and he kindly let his foster mother know.

“Petra, can we watch a Christmas movie after breakfast?” Marco asked halfway through the meal, and thus launched a conversation about the best Christmas movie in which they settled on _Home Alone_.

“Is it okay if Levi and I go to the sunroom instead of watch the movie?” Eren asked as he helped carry dishes into the kitchen with Petra.

“You finished his present in time, huh?” she asked with a smile.

He nodded, his stomach fluttering.

“Go ahead, then,” she said. “I heard he’s got something up his sleeve for you, too.” She turned on the faucet, then, not giving him a chance to ask her to elaborate or anything further.

When Eren ventured into the sunroom at Levi’s heels, holding the little paper bag with Levi’s gift in it behind his back, he didn’t miss the violin propped up against the sectional in Levi’s usual spot. He’d be lying if he said his heart didn’t jump a little in excited anticipation at the sight of it.

“Come sit,” Levi said, replacing the violin with himself and resting the case in his lap.

Discreetly, Eren stuck the little paper bag around the side of the couch and sunk to the floor beside him.

“I know the whole point of a secret santa is to only have to worry about getting a present for one person, but I didn’t technically _buy_ anything,” Levi was saying as he laid out the instrument and opened the case, freeing the bow to add a bit of rosin to. “I didn’t have much free time between homework and having to practice for the winter concert, so it’s kind of a miracle I managed to finish this in time.” He half shrugged. His hand descended to wrap around the neck of the violin and lift it.

Eren felt there was no need for words on his part as he excitedly watched Levi position the instrument comfortably on his left shoulder. The raven briefly met his eyes before the bow lifted as well and, with but a breath of silence, begun to pull it swiftly yet gracefully across the strings.

Eren knew he was good. He was amazing, actually. But there was no feeling like sitting next to him, watching him create magic with a simple wooden instrument that, for the moment, was intended only for Eren’s eyes and ears. Despite having heard him play several times before like this, it felt just as new and exciting each time.

The melody completely encaptured him, pulled him into a bubble of serenity that existed only in that moment, only around them, created from the magnificent sounds eliciting from the fairly mediocre violin Eren himself had picked out. He found he wanted to sit in that room forever, endlessly listening to Levi play. Goosebumps raised on his arms, down his back and legs; he let himself smile widely.

Levi was absolutely captured in the song as well, with the way he leaned and moved with each note and each motion of the bow and the way his eyes were closed, his fingers dancing delicately but confidently over the strings.

Eren’s heart was pounding, emotions surging through him. It was something bittersweet but full of hope at the same time. Halfway through, tears began leaking down his cheeks.

Too soon, of course, it was over, but it left him with a feeling of absolute bliss and had completely moved him; tears still trailed down his cheeks, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to wipe them away.

But as soon as Levi’s eyes opened and he spotted the wetness of Eren’s cheeks, he frowned and lowered the instrument back into its case. “What’s wrong?”

Eren could only shake his head and reach out for the raven, taking his head between his hands and leaning forwards until he found the other’s lips with his own, kissing him tenderly and trying desperately to reciprocate to Levi what he was feeling through his lips alone.

Levi’s hands lifted to wipe his tears away with his thumbs, brows raised slightly when they pulled away (if only by a mere inch). “So you liked it that much, huh?”

Eren chuckled, pressing his forehead to Levi’s. “ _Like_ is a very weak way to describe it.”

“Hmph. Well that’s good, seeing as I wrote it for you.”

If possible, Eren’s smile only widened. “I was sorta hoping you’d tell me that. But it makes my gift for you look like a piece of trash.”

Typically, Levi’s eyes rolled and he pulled back enough to see Eren’s face again. “I’m sure,” he drawled sarcastically.

“Seriously,” insisted Eren.

“Just let me see it and I’ll be the judge of that.”

Pressing his lips together, Eren reached behind the couch and pulled out the little paper bag. He wanted to say something meaningful, but decided to just thrust the bag in Levi’s direction instead, muttering, “sorry I didn’t wrap it.”

Of course, the raven brushed the comment off and tugged open the bag to peer inside. He frowned a bit, unsure of what he was looking at for a second before he reached in and pulled it out. It was still mildly a mystery, but the more he looked, the more it made sense.

The material of it was extensively familiar to the calloused pads of his fingers. The metallic color made sense, too, but the way it was all woven together was unlike anything he’d ever seen. They were violin strings - all four variations of them, by the looks of it - woven together into a ropelike piece of jewelry. It was thin, almost lace-like, but tighter and more intricate than a simple braid. On one end was a small silver chain while on the other there was a clasp.

“Did you do this yourself?” Levi murmured, completely awed by the work of it and unable to take his eyes from it.

“Yeah.” Eren held up his hands, Band-Aids and all. “Turns out violin strings are pretty sharp on the ends. I ended up poking myself...a lot.” He laughed a little. “But I guess we both sort of broke the secret santa rule.”

“Not if this is a birthday present.”

Eren nodded. “It is.” He hesitantly looked away, and then back. Levi hadn’t yet said one way or another whether he liked it and it was making Eren nervous, so he had to ask. “Do you like it?”

Finally Levi’s eyes met his. “It’s beautiful,” he said. “Thank you, Eren.”

That was all it took to get the brunet beaming again. “It’s sort of more than a birthday present, though,” he said, and before he could chicken out, kept talking. “I wanted to make you something to remember me by. I know we’re not going anywhere right now, but you never know what could happen, you know? So it’s for just in case. Like a promise that no matter what happens, I won’t forget you because you, um, sort of saved me. After getting out of my adoptive home, if you hadn’t come around, I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through it all. Like the nightmares and stuff. I...I’m just really glad I met you, even in those circumstances, ‘cause I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

It was Levi’s turn to be moved, completely filled with peace and love. But instead of shedding tears, he simply reached back, clasped the hand-crafted necklace around his neck, and reached for Eren, pulling him as close as they could possibly be with their legs between them. He held Eren by the jaw, gently cupping his face in his hands, letting his thumbs rest against the curves of his subtly rosy cheeks.

“I’m not going to forget you either, Eren. You can count on that. Everything you said...it’s the same for me, got it?”

Eren only had time for a slight nod before Levi’s kiss was punctuating his words and sealing the deal.

_~Fin~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this fic has sure been a ride. It's taken me over a year to write it, and it's only thirty chapters, goodness. I actually think I started it in 2015? Wow. But because of you guys, I've seen it through to to the end. I can say for sure, 100%, that I would have given up on it a long time ago if it wasn't for you guys supporting it and continuously asking me to finish it.
> 
> I'm sorry it isn't exactly a super impactful ending. In fact, it's a bit underwhelming in my opinion, but I'll be honest - I was sort of rushing because even though your encouragement helped me see this through to the end, I still can't see what all of you seem to in this fic and while I don't hate it, it's...not high on my list of favorite things I've ever written, to put it simply.
> 
> But thank you all for spending your time reading and commenting and supporting me on this! It means more than you could ever understand. Regardless of my opinion, I am glad this thing managed to get up over 8,000 hits while it was being updated alone. ♥
> 
> And I'm starting work on a new fic! It's still in like, the embryo phase xD Still developing and I don't have enough material yet to really start writing it, but I'm still super excited for it! It will be Ereri, but it'll be written in such a way that the names will be interchangeable with characters of my own creation (inspired by our dear Eren and Levi, of course) so it can also be an original. (:
> 
> Again, thank you all so much, and sorry for such a painfully long note xD Have a wonderful day! ♥


End file.
